Learning to love: 5 tips

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Louise Hay
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Learning to love: 5 tips

Last update: December 26, 2017

There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. So says the novelist and playwright Amantine, known under the pseudonym of "George Sand". Under this duality we bond with others not just for who they are, but for what they make us be when we are with them. For love to be linked to happiness, however, we must love well, with the most complete authenticity. Let's see how to learn to love.



The word love has a widespread use in our language. It is associated with love par excellence, one of the most important feelings that human beings experience and which has to do with the deep affection, attachment and commitment that one feels for someone else.

To love has multiple conceptions, as many as there are people in the world. But beyond simple concepts, do we know how to love? Everything seems to indicate that we have some difficulties and, even if we don't think we have any, it is always possible to improve and continue to grow in love. Let's go deeper into this beautiful topic.

Do we know how to love?

Most people think they know how to love. They believe that the feelings they experience are enough and they forget that true love is like taking care of a garden. It needs to be watered every day, weeds removed and taken care of so the flowers continue to grow.

No one is exempt from temptation. However, love is being able to protest against them. Discuss important issues with the person you love, set healthy boundaries and promote well-being to apply it to common life.


Is love an art? Those who share this view know that love requires knowledge and effort. Or maybe, is it a pleasant feeling, the experience of which is a matter of chance, something one will stumble upon if one is lucky? The book “The art of loving” by Erich Fromm tells us just about this. With it we can discover that love more than luck - even if most people believe it is this - is an art.


It doesn't mean that people think love isn't important. In reality we are all thirsty for love. We see many movies about happy and unhappy love stories, we listen to hundreds of banal songs about love… However, hardly anyone thinks that we should learn to love.

“Love in its purest form consists in sharing joy. He doesn't ask for anything in return, he doesn't expect anything; So how can you feel hurt? When nothing is expected, there is no chance of being hurt. Whatever comes it will be fine, and if it doesn't come it will be fine too. Happiness is about giving, not getting. In this way we can love ”.

-Osho-

How to learn to love?

Only things that give us a tangible advantage such as money or prestige seem to be worth learning. And what about what's good for our souls? Is it possible to learn to love? Does it benefit us to learn something we feel but cannot touch?

It is a common situation in our society, so much so that many people reading the title of this article will have decided not to continue reading, without taking into account that love is the answer to existence. Any theory of love must begin with a theory of man, of human existence.


Love is an attitude, and as such it is continuity and not impulse. Learning to love is necessary if we are to self-fulfill and cultivate healthy relationships.

So that love is not left to impulse alone, we list these 5 secrets to learn to love and which have been extracted from the book "The art of loving" by Erich Fromm:

Be original

We live in the illusion of believing ourselves original in a completely homogeneous world. We conform because we think relationships can't be different. However, we have the power to create our own type of relationship from sincerity and authenticity with our partner. In this way, we free ourselves from the constraints and habits that accompany the "perfect couple" and romantic ideals.


Find someone who gives everything and do the same

To love is to give. An experience full of vitality, strength and power that fills us with joy. As long as the limits are not exceeded and dignity and respect are preserved. And if we choose someone who shares this point of view, it will be wonderful because we can exchange the best of ourselves.


Wanting to know each other

We know each other, but we don't know each other, Fromm would say. We think we know others, but we don't, at least not entirely. Every experience we have affects us in some way. Change is the only constant. Keeping the flame of knowing our partner alive is the breath of non-routine.

Distinguish the kind of love we are willing to give and receive

There are many types of love. Knowing what we are able to offer and receive will affect our relationship. Nothing compares to mature and conscious love. This should be our goal. Two beings who become one, but remain two.

Accept the challenges and conflicts of the couple

Love is not the absence of conflict, but a constant challenge in which to grow and work together.

There is only one remedy for love: to love more. Far from being discouraged, when we are suffering from a love disappointment, we must look to the future with a new vision of life, rather than lock ourselves in our shell.


Love is an art, a process in which creativity, care and authenticity bear fruit, as long as we are willing to give with respect and responsibility. To love more is the remedy for every problem in life ...

“To love is not only to love, it is above all to understand”.

-Françoise Sagan-

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