Lack of confidence can make us appear selfish

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Joe Dispenza

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Lack of confidence can make us appear selfish

Lack of self-confidence generates a lot of "collateral damage". One of these is the difficulty of interacting with others in a cooperative and supportive way. Fear of rejection or making mistakes often leads to selfish attitudes.

Last update: July 09, 2021

Lack of self-confidence is a burden that can slow us down or limit us in many areas. In this sense, it can be the origin of other problems, large and small. Among these we find the difficulty in starting or maintaining a healthy relationship with other people.

We can recognize it, for example, in excessive inhibition or in the difficulty in expressing oneself naturally. Even if it doesn't seem like it, lack of self-confidence is a factor that fuels selfish or apparently selfish behaviors.

In reality, it doesn't mean that people with these traits don't care about others, but rather that, because they value themselves little, they tend to overestimate their vulnerability. This leads them to often be on the defensive and think they have very little to contribute.

In many cases, this is why you keep your words to yourself or don't take the initiative. It is assumed that you cannot offer something valuable to others, ultimately behaving selfishly.

"Trust gives us courage and broadens our horizons, allows us to take greater risks and to go much further than we imagine".

-Jack Welsh-

Lack of self-confidence and solidarity

It is very common for an insecure person to become convinced that their help is not necessary or relevant to others. It happens in situations of little importance and no.

When a volunteer is needed, the person with low self-esteem never comes forward. It is a spiral that feeds on itself.

Lack of self-confidence leads to hermeticism and the latter to lack of confidence. The person thus strengthens his feeling of incompetence or inadequacy.

It is always good to ask yourself if there is anything we can do for others in situations of need or problems. If you can help, it is always wise to offer help. When, for whatever reason, he is rejected, the right thing has been done: expressing the will to help.

Error handling

A person who does not consider himself up to par refrains from sharing or giving to others for fear of making a mistake. The level of self-criticism is excessively high and does not allow to deal intelligently with the error.

Fear triggers insecurities. Phrases like "I won't make it" or "They expect too much of me and I will disappoint them". This blocks any interest in participating or any possibility of contributing more to a group.

It also happens in personal situations. For example, you want to give a very special gift, but fear that you are too honeyed or that the other person may not like the gift. So, your contributing options end up being threats you give in to.

Communication and self-fulfilling prophecies

Lack of self-confidence also tends to affect communication with others. We are silent about things that should be said, as if we have nothing to express. It is also possible to develop the opposite attitude: wanting to monopolize conversations, being threatening or uncompromising with others.

An insecure person experiences many interactions such as attacks. Therefore, he tends to take criticism personally. In these situations it closes or fights, preventing dialogue or making it a battlefield. These attitudes again generate a spiral that ends up aggravating the problem.

Ultimately, those dynamics turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. In other words, expectations that end up being opposed because unknowingly everything is done to make it so. Many people will end up refusing or minimizing the help or contribution because done in a very anxious way.

It is also possible that the insecure person ends up being labeled or singled out as selfish. Following this, others will hardly seek her participation or help, which ends up increasing the lack of self-confidence.

The person feels useless and the others, somehow, end up granting this place (here is the self-fulfilling prophecy). A complicated vicious circle that can only be broken by becoming aware of one's way of acting.

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