Last update: 10 September, 2019
Some people are likely to still believe that the concepts of self-worth and ego are synonymous. Something that is completely understandable if we take into account the fact that from an early age they teach us to care about others, before ourselves. Even in adulthood, thinking about yourself can be labeled as self-centered and selfish behavior.
What happens, though, when we confuse self-esteem with ego? We put the needs of others ahead of our own, seek external approval, and feel guilty when we want to say "no" but find ourselves forced to say "yes" so as not to appear selfish.
The consequence of this confusion is the disconnection from our needs, as we forget to listen to ourselves and ultimately to give ourselves the value we deserve. For all of this, today we will examine 7 differences between self-esteem and ego.
Differenze tra autostima ed ego
1. Admiration of oneself
A person with a big ego admires himself excessively. To the point of developing narcissistic traits and observing the world from a distorted perspective. The serious problem with these people is that they believe themselves superior to others, in other words they consider themselves perfect, as well as everything they do.
Also a person with high self-esteem values himself, but always does so from a realistic perspective. She is aware of her virtues as well as her flaws and does not try to disguise them to appear different. On the contrary, she accepts them and, if someone presents her with problems or difficulties, she tries to find a solution.
It is not negative to admire yourself, to love yourself, to say positive things to yourself. It is to believe that we are perfect. All people have flaws and recognizing them helps us improve them. Pretending not to have any is not good for us.
2. Caring for yourself and others
The difference between self-esteem and ego may be clearer in this second point. Someone with a very strong ego will always care for themselves and never for others. She needs to be the center of attention, to attract all eyes to her. And if that doesn't happen, if he feels ignored, one of his reactions will be anger.
A person with high self-esteem, on the other hand, cares about himself, but also about others. For this reason, unlike someone with a strong ego, she knows how to listen and doesn't try to always be the center of attention. A person with high self-esteem he knows very well what empathy means and has much more constructive relationships.
"The greater the knowledge, the less the ego: the less the knowledge, the greater the ego."
3. Knowing how to see beyond one's own convictions
When we relate to a person with a strong ego, the first thing we will realize is that he is unable to see beyond his own beliefs. It will be impossible to hope that he will question them or think about them. She believes that her view of her is the only truthful one and this causes her many conflicts with others.
However, a person with high self-esteem is able to see beyond his point of view. He knows that his vision is not the only one and he understands that others may have different perspectives from his, he may even get interested in them. Knowing how to listen, put yourself in others' shoes and be able to acquire a new perspective allows you to have healthy and rewarding relationships.
As we see, a clear difference between self-esteem and ego is that the person with a strong ego never manages to feel empathy. For this it is necessary to have a strong and healthy self-esteem. In fact, the person with a strong ego doesn't really love and respect themselves. She just covers up and hides what she doesn't care about. This is why it is so difficult for her to see beyond her beliefs.
4. Accept the criticism
A self-centered person will not be able to bear even a single criticism against the exaggerated and distorted image he has of himself.. Since she has hidden her flaws under this mask of grandeur, any attempt to bring them to the surface will make her defensive, anger and blame others.
Those who enjoy healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, will be able to recognize their flaws and receive criticism that will help them improve. He might even appreciate criticism, as long as it's constructive.
“Learn to tolerate criticism. Don't be a child spoiled by your own opinions. "
5. Expect to receive something in return
We have seen that a person with a strong ego always thinks about himself. For this reason, if she sometimes seeks the help of others or approaches them expressing some kind of interest, it is because she can benefit from them. If not, he won't care about others. One of the main differences between self-esteem and ego.
A person with healthy self-esteem, in fact, does not act in the same way, since they do not use others to achieve their goals, but they know that they can grow thanks to them. Someone with high self-esteem never moves out of interest.
People with good self-esteem are generous and don't think about their own advantages in the relationships they have with others.
6. The hierarchy among people
Another big difference between self-esteem and ego is that those who are strongly self-centered think they are superior to others in terms of strength, intelligence or beauty. He also believes that the world revolves around him.
However, a person with good self-esteem knows that no one is superior, but that they are different. This is why she is not used to making comparisons.
"Do not compare yourself to anyone, keep your head high and remember: you are neither better nor worse than others, you are simply you and this cannot be overcome by anyone."
7. Receive to give
The last difference between self-esteem and ego that we will discuss in this article refers to the belief that you meet the needs of others first. However, let us remember that we cannot give something that we do not have.
Those with a very strong ego cannot love in a healthy way and cannot satisfy the needs of others if they have not satisfied their own first. For this reason, he spends his entire life constantly alternating attempts to appear, disguise, believe himself to be the best.
This does not happen to people who enjoy healthy self-esteem. They respect, accept, value and love each other. Thanks to this, they are able to have very positive and rewarding personal relationships. They are not selfish, but they want to learn what they need and then be able to offer it to others as well.
We have all, on some occasion, fallen into the clutches of the ego. Recognizing it instead of denying it and observing it will allow us to understand that perhaps it hides problems with self-esteem.
Don't we think we are enough? What makes us feel insecure? Why do we want others to pay attention to us? We reflect. We cannot have both ego and high self-esteem.