Last update: 01 September, 2017
Getting to know a person is nice, we often do it every day. However, the real magic is to get in tune, to make the mind and heart collide with someone and suddenly discover a harmony between our worlds, to glimpse galaxies where others see only puddles of rain, to notice that our laughter they break out at the same time for the same reasons.
We are often struck by an attraction to the world of fantasy or fiction, without understanding that life itself contains even more incredible, magical and mysterious processes. What exists in this connection between two people who, almost without knowing each other, find themselves on the same point and place to be attracted to each other?
"Friendship is a soul that lives in two bodies, a heart that lives in two souls."
We are not referring only to the process of falling in love, but also to that magnificent situation that supports the most solid friendships; those who do not know the problems linked to time or distance, but who smell of complicity, of pacts, of emotional harmony in which there is mutual concern and sincere attention.
Human beings connect with each other, just as certain atoms do, just as the moon does with the water of the oceans, causing the tides. Maybe life is just that: letting the fantastic connection we establish with certain people over time conquer us to lead us to a specific destination. Thus a growth process is formed in which we allow ourselves to learn, share, help and be helped by leaving an eternal emotional imprint in the hearts of others and in ours.
The laws of attraction in friendship
Elena and Sara met at university. During an audiovisual communication lesson, the professor played a video of the comedy group Monty Python, which for a few moments made the whole class laugh out loud. However, when most of the students had already returned to strict silence and concentrated on the task, Sara could not help but laugh. When Elena noticed it, she couldn't help herself to keep from bursting into laughter. That moment marked the beginning of their friendship, a great friendship.
When it comes to emotional relationships or friendship, scientific research tends to deepen much more the issue of benefits than that of triggering factors, or those hidden processes that define the "magical", sudden and decisive connection. There is an aspect that is important to know and that will certainly be curious to you.
Friendship hides much more complex processes than those that trigger simple attraction between a couple. There are psychological laws and dynamics that you will be interested in learning about.
The most authentic friendships are not based only on sharing common passions, on having the same tastes or values. Not even spending time together determines the strength and transcendence of a friendship.
Social psychologists know that there is an inflection point that determines the duration (or the end) of a friendship. We're talking about self-revelation. People need to share their worries, fears and concerns with someone to receive support, to feel intimacy and complicity, both so therapeutic.
When we make a confidence in another person and that person guards, protects and supports us, the magic begins. When this friend opens her heart to us and reveals something to us too, the magic is perpetuated.
Emotional attachment and the law of the mirror
After realizing that we can trust that person, we need other processes that consolidate the bond born of a chance event. We are talking about those "emotional gifts", such as loyalty, consideration, unconditional support, recognition, sincerity or the ability to foster our personal growth.
There is an even more interesting concept defined by social psychologists Carolyn Weisz and Lisa F. Wood of the University of Puget Sound, Washington state: it is the "mirror mirror" theory, also known as the "mirror principle in friendship" . This reality is elementary and indispensable at the same time.
Connecting with someone means dealing with a person who gets along with our identity, who often acts as our own reflection or as our point of balance, of personal epicenter. A good friend is able to tell us, for example, that the choice we have made or that the person we have fallen in love with is not good for our essence, because it is transforming us into someone we are not (ie it is taking us away from the reflection of ourselves).
The brain needs to connect with special people
You can call it intuition or sixth sense, but often the brain knows who it is best to connect with. with whom it is good to go out for a drink to dilute the pains and draw hopes with the smoke of a hot chocolate, and also knows who it is better to avoid, who it is better to leave outside the door to spare us a friendship based on pure interest.
Our brains like solid and lasting friendships for a specific reason: they help us survive, make sense of our days. This satisfying bond is like an aspirin against stress, it is the balm that regulates our cortisol levels, it is a direct injection of dopamine and serotonin, which set the pulse of happiness in motion.
Let yourself be conquered by chance, let life magically make you connect with those special people who make your reality a wonderful, welcoming and stimulating scenario.
Images courtesy of Jerry LoFaro and Claudia Tremblay