Is it possible to apply a constructive approach to jealousy?

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Robert Maurer

Is it possible to apply a constructive approach to jealousy?

Last update: 28 September, 2017

How to get rid of that malaise that arises every time our partner is talking to another person that we consider a possible enemy? What to do when we are jealous? Is it possible to find a constructive approach to jealousy and insecurity?

Jealousy is a life partner for many of us and in most cases comes from our vivid imagination. The secret is to see it as a gradient: if we are at the extremes, we are not in the right zone (or in the healthiest), rather in a danger zone that will lead us to self-destruct. If, on the other hand, we are in intermediate areas, jealousy will be much healthier and more bearable.

To this is added an important factor that will keep us away from the malaise of jealousy, and that we must learn to cultivate in our relationship as a couple: communication. When we understand that we are jealous or when we do not like the behavior of the partner, if we know how to communicate, the problems will turn into words from which (if you want) to find a solution.

What does jealousy reveal about us?

Jealousy generally says a lot more about the person experiencing it than about their relationship, and it's related to distrust, insecurity or lack of self-esteem. Important aspects to work on, this applies to everyone and especially to the most jealous, because what at a given moment is an internal conflict, can later turn into a relationship problem.

The freedom to choose to walk alongside someone and be aware of the fact that a couple is made up of two separate souls who make the decision to start a journey together is based on the idea that the other person does not belong to us. In this way, when jealousy makes its appearance, it will be easier to perceive it as one of the faces of our fears, those that make us fear the possibility of being alone, of losing the other person or of meeting a better partner.

Only self-confidence, confidence in the partner and a good level of self-esteem will make us see that the other person is free in their decision to be by our side., and that if things change at some point, we will be free to make other decisions. Nobody belongs to anyone, let's not forget that.

“What makes my bonds, especially those of love, pleasant spaces is being able to open my hand, is learning not to bind ourselves with the hateful trapping. The true encounter with the other can only be enjoyed in freedom. Compromise for love rather than love for compromise ”.

-Jorge Bucay-

Apply a constructive approach to jealousy

After discovering what lies behind jealousy, we need to understand what benefit we can derive from it. As already said, the secret lies in knowing set understandable and functional limits every time jealousy invades us, and do not let ourselves be carried away by our impulses; behind jealousy, in fact, there are opportunities to work not only on ourselves, but also on our relationship as a couple.

When we are jealous, therefore, instead of letting ourselves be influenced by the whirlwind of thoughts that begin to take shape in our mind, we can understand that we really care about our partner. It is not a question of ignoring what we feel, but of being really aware of it and managing it, a little at a time, from a more positive perspective. In this way we will transform our fears into feelings of gratitude for the fact that the person next to us continues to see in us everything he needs to be happy.

If, on the other hand, we settle into our relationship as a couple, jealousy can be perceived as an alarm signal that warns us that we must cultivate love day by day if we want our relationship to be strong and lasting. Because in a relationship you have to keep surprising yourself so that the magic doesn't fade away.

On the other hand, jealousy can give us clues as to what is missing in our relationship. If our partner is looking elsewhere for something that we would like to share with us, now is the right time to check what it is and what we can do, if possible.

Being jealous can also lead to a greater level of couple intimacy. Having the confidence and confidence to show our fears to the other and open our soul to him / her will lead to an approach that can give solutions through communication. Let us therefore use our weak points and strengthen them, transform them into resources and find in them the positive side to continue building a healthy and conscious love.

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