I love you more than attachment and the fear of loneliness

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Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
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I love you more than attachment and the fear of loneliness

Last update: December 21, 2015

I love you as the stars in the sky love each other: I know they do not belong to me, but they illuminate my life and my dreams. I like you because next to you my world seems more complete, because you fill my corners, because you draw paths that I want to walk and that I choose to share with you.


This is love without attachment. A relationship in which there is no blind dependence and in which each member involved is able to respect the spaces of the other person, favoring the personal development of both and thus enriching the relationship of reciprocity.


Sometimes the word "attachment" generates some misunderstanding. We cannot deny that loving someone means wanting to be close to him at every moment, to worry, to desire him, to think every second of his face, of his voice, of the essence of him that is now part of us.

Love is a bit of an obsession and a bit of a necessity, and it's normal, especially in the early stages of the relationship. We speak of attachment, in the strictest sense of the term, when we somehow lose our identity and our inner balance for the love of the other person.

We do not allow ourselves spaces for growth and personal freedom. And it is precisely at this point that distrust and the need for control arise. It is worth investigating the subject.

Emotional attachment is a very destructive addiction

To speak of emotional attachment as an addiction is not an exaggeration. Think of the passionate relationships that are based on the need to always have the loved one next to you. When the partner is not around us, the world collapses, we are wary and we develop the need to control the loved one. It is a risk.



It is important to be able and to know how to live without the other person. We cannot turn into drifting boats when the partner is not with us for a few days; if at the basis of the relationship there is trust, it makes no sense to develop excessive fears.

We must learn to live with ourselves and feel full, confident and happy with who we are in order to build a healthy relationship with a person without negative attachments. Loving does not mean needing. Sharing is fine, but you don't have to give everything without expecting anything in return, not even recognition.

  • People need emotional attachment in childhood to bond with parents. This bond gives security and the opportunity to grow feeling loved and recognized.
  • After this phase, everyone must build their own identity, their own personality and integrity to feel sure of themselves, of what they are and what they have achieved.
  • If a person feels good, if he considers himself confident, happy and with good self-esteem, then he will be able to build a stable and happy relationship..
  • It is not necessary to fill in anyone's gaps, because these gaps do not exist. There is no need for anyone to find a remedy for someone's loneliness, because loneliness does not exist.

We know this is easy to read and understand, but it doesn't stop anyone from finding themselves in an addictive relationship.. In love, no one is in control and if you happen to find yourself in a relationship with the characteristics of attachment, then it is your responsibility to know how to react as soon as you realize it.


It will be time to practice emotional detachment to walk freer, safer, wiser, able to love with integrity and without fear..



  • If you allow your partner to grow as a person, you will help them become emotionally richer, with many nuances that, in turn, will enrich your relationship.
  • You must understand that emotional detachment does not mean breaking bonds. On the contrary, it means respecting yourself and strengthening the trust that you "stop being" because you know you are loved, because you love and trust those who have chosen you for who you are and not to avoid loneliness.
  • Emotional detachment does not mean that you do not have the right to love, to desire, to get excited about someone with all your soul and heart.. It simply means that "no one owns you". What possesses you vetoes and vetoes do not allow you to be yourself.
  • Being free inside has nothing to do with creating love. It means leaving space for the other person to allow the passion to nourish the relationship without need and fear, offering the other the best version of himself.
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