5 tips to increase emotional intimacy in relationships

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Robert Maurer


5 tips to increase emotional intimacy in relationships

Last update: October 28, 2015

Emotional intimacy is a feeling of closeness with someone else, a real two-way street based on empathy. When we have an emotionally intimate relationship, we are able to share personal feelings without feeling judged, rejected, or uncomfortable if we do or say what is considered wrong.

This type of intimacy is typical of true friendships and should be present in all personal relationships that want to define themselves authentic, along with all the other specific characteristics of each type of relationship.

Emotional intimacy can exist between friends, family, and partners. Some people feel emotional intimacy even with their pets.

The feeling of shared intimacy is very important for both physical and mental health.


Emotional intimacy is a source of security,

strengthens our self-esteem e

it helps us to trust others.

5 tips to increase emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is important in relationships, yet it is sometimes difficult to feel close to someone or establish intimacy with those with whom it is assumed we should be intimate. The following tips will help you establish a deeper connection with the important people in your life.

1 - Understanding why we push people away

Do you know why you push people away from you on an emotional level? There are reasons why we keep others away and don't create intimacy. Maybe something made you lose the faith you had in people, maybe a disappointment from the past. Maybe you grew up in an environment where there was no intimacy or you developed a cynical personality towards others.

Regardless of the reason, you need to figure out what it is in order to move forward. There can be genuine reasons behind not wanting to have emotional intimacy with someone and in these cases it is best to let it go. However, there may also be reasons that have nothing to do and that represent an obstacle to your personal relationships.

2 - Little by little, physical contact must be increased

In any type of relationship, an important element of emotional intimacy is the physical component. Observe your relationships and the relationships of those around you. People who have strong emotional intimacy touch each other. On the other hand, when this type of intimacy does not exist, there is almost no physical contact.

To gradually increase emotional intimacy, it is necessary to start touching each other, to regain confidence. And this contact must be sincere, not forced. You have to try little by little, because when intimacy is lost or blocked it is difficult to recover.

3 - Understanding the difference between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy

Prolific romance writer Barbara Cartland once wrote: “Among men, sex often leads to intimacy; among women, intimacy often leads to sex ”. What's true in this sentence?

Perhaps this is due to the fact that, in general, men are able to separate their feelings and view sex as just sex, while women perceive sex as a bridge to greater intimacy.

Obviously this is not an absolute rule, but it is useful for us to understand how physical and sexual intimacy is considered from two different points of view. Anyway, it would be a mistake to assume that physical intimacy will inevitably lead us to emotional intimacy, especially if it doesn't go hand in hand with building relationships outside of the physical aspect.

The same goes for non-romantic relationships. That there is contact between people means nothing, especially if this physical contact is established by compulsion or habit. Be that as it may, in emotional intimacy it's not about being physically close.

How we relate to others also determines the level of intimacy.

4 - Share with others a little at a time

Another aspect that needs to be worked on a little at a time is sharing our feelings, ideas, desires, hopes or frustrations with others.. This is how people really get to know each other, opening up a little at a time.

If, on the other hand, we suddenly throw out all our personal talk, it is easy for the other to withdraw into himself and move away, especially if we focus on the negative aspects.

A good way to start is to share our views on a specific topic at the right time.

Get used to telling people how you feel, what you think, what you hope ... a little at a time and at the right time.

5 - Don't force things

As we said at the beginning, emotional intimacy is a two-way street. If you try to force the situation, you will find yourself in the hands of very difficult circumstances. Emotional intimacy must be allowed to develop naturally.

You also need to know when to back off and when to slow down. You cannot demand too much from the other if you do not want to screw everything up.

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