Last update: July 12, 2015
Anyone can get angry: this is easy; but getting angry with the right person, and in the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way: this is not within anyone's power and it is not easy.
Anger is an emotion that we all experience at one time or another in our life. Maybe for unimportant reasons, such as being in the middle of traffic, or for more relevant issues, such as dismissal, for example.
The emotion of anger, like other emotions, is necessary and has varying degrees of intensity. What characterizes anger is that it arises from a frustration, a hope or a desire that has not been fulfilled..
Why do we get angry?
The causes and reasons why we get angry can be very varied and also depend on each of us. What makes us angry may not necessarily make another person angry. Also, we don't all get angry with the same degree of intensity.
Anger occurs when we desire something that is important to us and there is an obstacle that prevents the realization of our desire.
For example: we really want to go to the cinema, we made an appointment with our partner and also chose the film to see. Our partner comes home saying he is very tired and doesn't want to go to the cinema anymore. At this moment our desire to go to the cinema is not fulfilled and this can cause anger.
This is a typical situation that can occur in many different ways in daily life. Anger in the face of situations serves to give us the energy to face the obstacle. However, many of these obstacles are unintended and it is important to channel this energy so that it is not destructive.
This overload of energy is called anger and is meant to make us cope with frustration in order to ensure the fulfillment of the desire and our need that has been threatened.
What does it depend on whether anger is destructive or not?
Whether the anger we feel becomes destructive, i.e. that there is an excess of energy that instead of solving things only makes them worse, will depend on what we think of the obstacle and on how we interpret the anger itself, on the conclusions we reach about the problem. that is hindering us.
If we evaluate an obstacle as something that is causing us frustration on purpose, then enough energy is released to take on a battle..
Our body releases a greater amount of adrenaline and noradrenaline neurotransmitters to activate and alert us so that we can face the fight.
The energy depends on the opinion we have about the obstacle, that is, whether it is nullifying our desire voluntarily or not. Then our answer will more or less correspond to what we have to face.
When the obstacle is considered voluntary, our anger is destructive and we will behave towards the obstacle just as it is doing to us. As it happens in battle.
If, on the other hand, we think that the obstacle is not voluntary or intentional, then our answer will be closer to solving the problem. Even if anger arises in us, it will not be destructive.
For example: our partner says he doesn't want to do something, even though we would like to; if we understand that it really is because he does not feel like it, our anger will not be directed at our partner e energy will not be used to carry out a battle against him.
If in the same situation as described above we think that our partner is behaving this way just because he doesn't want us to achieve what we want, then yes the anger will be directed towards him or her and a conflict will break out that can generate great malaise.
The frustration we feel leads us in a more or less conscious way to evaluate the cause that caused it. And immediately we try to give an answer, whether it is an intention against us or not.
Depending on experience or character, there are people who constantly experience destructive anger because they interpret their frustrations as the result of an adverse will, whether it is for fate or for the people around them..
If our mind is dominated by anger, we will waste most of the human brain: wisdom, the ability to discern and decide what is good or what is bad.
– Levy, N. (2000). The wisdom of emotions. Plaza & Janes.