Friendship and love: how to reconcile them

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Louise Hay
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Friendship and love: how to reconcile them

Last update: 10 September, 2022

What happens when the relationship of a couple replaces those of friendship? What do we really lose when we put our friends aside for a relationship? Knowing how to find time for both, friendship and love, is an important point for the relationship to be prosperous.

When starting a relationship, it is normal to have less time to spend with friends. Couple programs are sometimes more attractive, the result of falling in love; the greater the desire to get to know each other and to take advantage of the first moments. It's a new situation that requires more attention, but completely abandoning friends shouldn't be an option.



A group of researchers led by Robin Dunbar has studied and revealed that, when a love relationship begins, two of the five closest friends are lost. They also claim that couples who know how to enjoy time with their friends, in addition to enjoying their individual space, have greater satisfaction in their love relationship.

This because they learn to divide their time between friendship and love, without giving up what makes them happy and generates in their well-being. In this way, they transfer their emotional state to the relationship and, in a certain way, strengthen it.

Love comes and goes, but a true friendship is something that goes beyond time. For this reason, it is important to take time out to continue sharing experiences with our friends, whatever the situation. According to Robin Dunbar's studies, choosing to share and not to dedicate 100% of your time to the relationship will improve your sentimental situation. This does not mean ignoring it, but simply take a few moments to be with the other people we love and appreciate.



Leave everything for love

This phrase is very common and sounds very romantic, but whoever leaves everything for love abandons himself to enter a "being together" that does not correspond to the union of two total and complete persons, but to a symbiosis. In this way, part of one's individuality is lost to form a collectivity: two incomplete beings united to fill the gaps.

But love doesn't mean that, love is to respect that the partner has his time, his friends, in short, his life and that he chooses us to share it, but not to have a life exclusively together. Trust and communication allow couples to enjoy their individual space, regardless of the romantic relationship, to be able to divide between friendship and love, without negative consequences.

“I leave everything for love” is a selfish decision which also implies that if the relationship were to end, there would be nothing left, which would be a very difficult breakup. Continuing to dedicate time to our hobbies, to have our space and to maintain friendships fosters a full life, which we decide to share with someone. Let's not forget it.

Friendship and Love: Friendship also takes time

Maintaining friendships takes understanding, but also time, as in building a relationship. Time which, although it may not be as constant as before, when obtained must be sincere, of quality and dedicated with love. You have to enjoy it.


Because friendship is also love and you have to work on it, you have to pay attention and care as if it were a garden. It is in our hands. It is our decision. Let's allow these special bonds not to break just because a new relationship has begun, on the contrary, let's encourage them.


It is tiring to think that after a friend has abandoned us for love, he comes back to us to make up for lost time or the friendship that was once. It is exhausting because nobody likes to be abandoned, even though there is always time to learn that love comes and goes while friendship remains. As long as it is authentic.

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