Couples experienced in resilience are committed to seeking solutions to problems together, respect the identity of the other and are oriented above all to take care of each other in all circumstances.
Last update: 24 March, 2022
Resilient couples are like a rubber band. Life can test them, pull them, but they always return to a position of growth and evolution, that of love, respect and harmony in coexistence. It is a dimension that we can all learn and develop to enjoy more fulfilling relationships.
We know that the term "resilience" is in vogue and we find it almost everywhere. However, this dimension, which has its origin in physics, greatly enriches any area of the human being. Viktor Frankl taught us this in his works, as did Boris Cyrulnik in many of his books.
Applying resilience to the field of emotional relationships allows us to identify the pillars that support happy couples.
Whether in calm times or in times of difficulty, this instrument can act as a rudder, like the most calibrated compass.
“A true relationship causes mutual influence. They are two intimate worlds that interact and one modifies the other ".
Characteristics of resilient couples
Resilient couples and the characteristics that define them have sparked scientific interest in recent years. The research work done by Drs Karen Skerrett and Karen Fergus in 2015 is one example.
The main characteristic of these couples is the ability to deal with life's difficulties in harmony.
From a psychological point of view, we could say that the best value of these bonds is being able to bear the weight or impact of conflict and not break.
That elasticity, that ability to receive the big and small blows of fate, and then return to stability and its original form is what distinguishes resilient couples. Let's see what other elements we find in these links.
Being together does not mean agreeing on everything
Genuine love also leaves room for disagreements and differing opinions. People love each other less because they have opposing points of view in some respect.
Affection is manifested by accepting the other, respecting their perspectives and approaches, even if at some point they are not in tune with ours. This authentic acceptance will make it possible to resolve conflicts and differences.
Commitment to resolve what's worrying
The resilient partner is attentive to every need and concern. It does not postpone, it does not minimize. Being sensitive to the other's emotions and concerns prevents future problems. This requires willpower, time, empathy and communication skills.
The resilient couple does not wait for the other to "guess" the problem. Assertively communicate what he feels, what he thinks he needs. He knows that honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
No faults are sought, solutions are sought
It happens in many relationships that you fall into the game of blame. Blaming your partner when the bond doesn't go your way has serious consequences.
As relationship expert John Gottman points out, one of the horsemen of the apocalypse who usually predicts inevitable breakup is the habit of projecting all blame onto the other. In reverse, resilient couples focus on solving the problem, not guilt.
Resilient couples aren't afraid of appearing vulnerable
People skilled in the practice of resilience are not afraid to express their emotions. Fear, sadness, anguish… Expressing every feeling, every need and intimacy to the other strengthens the bond and increases trust.
Few things are more relevant than showing your loved one how we are and how we feel; in every nuance and singularity.
Positive attitude in every moment and situation
Humor, optimism, good humor and the will to always give a smile to your loved one are fulfilling and resilient qualities.
So is making a commitment to see the good side of every situation, to think that there will always be solutions to problems, bridges in the face of every difference.
Resilient couples make a long-term commitment
Happy and stable relationships are defined by a balance of power that helps both of us. Neither is more than the other. Nobody decides for both, but every step and decision is agreed in harmony and complicity.
We see each other as the top priority, so we look after and support each other every day; you make a commitment to your partner.
Resilience is that invisible energy that pushes you to move forward in the face of every challenge, to lift each other up when you fall.
Few dimensions structure emotional well-being with a similar balance in this affective project built between two.