How to control anger?

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Robert Maurer
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How to control anger?

Anger, anger, loss of control… these are situations we don't like to experience on our own skin. But why do we lose control when we are angry? What is behind this behavior? Let's find out the causes and how to enhance our self-control to control anger.

Last update: May 06, 2021

Have you ever had outbursts of anger when you get angry and end up saying the first thing that crosses your mind and then regret it soon after? Why does this happen? What lies behind the outbursts of anger and what prevents us from controlling anger?



In this article we will try to find out the possible causes behind the loss of control. Let's start by saying that it all has to do, in large part, with weak self-control and a low tolerance for frustration. Yet these are not the only ones responsible. Often, in fact, it all starts with sadness, feelings and emotions that we do not know how to deal with.

Before understanding the causes of tantrums, we will give you some tips for learning how to control anger in a healthy way. In fact, self-control can be trained. Let's find out how!

I can't control my anger. What happens to me?

To many people it happens often, or has happened at least sometimes ... losing patience and not knowing how to control anger, overwhelmed by anger. But why does this happen? What lies behind this uncontrollable anger?

To be able to answer these questions we must resort to the concept of "self-control", and all those factors that weaken it. Factors that increase the possibility of making us impulsive.

Knowing how to control anger is important

Self-control is defined as a skill that allows us to dominate our emotions, our behaviors, our thoughts and desires. Furthermore, self-control also allows greater control of the body.



In some ways, self-control is part of emotional intelligence and for this reason it is essential to learn how to train it from an early age. Thanks to it, we can learn to control anger and other basic emotions.

As we have said, it is a skill to manage and control not only our behaviors, but also our thoughts and reactions to emotions.

Many times we are overwhelmed by emotions, but this does not mean we can afford to lose control of the situation. Like many other skills, self-control can be trained and improved over time, with constancy and commitment.

How to work on self-control?

Self-control allows us to control anger and manage all those outbursts in which we cannot control our reactions. How to train our self-control? Here are some suggestions:

  • Precisely identify everything you want to control. Is it anger? Anger? Frustration?
  • Investigate the reasons for that anger or anger. Are they really these emotions or are we masking others? (Maybe sadness?)
  • Look for the point of "no return"; it is that moment which, once reached, will not allow us to return to a state of calm. Identify him and find a word or gesture to recognize him during a tantrum so you can stop in time.
  • Do some breathing exercises; once you have identified the point of no return, and reach it, close your eyes, place your hand on your stomach and concentrate on the air that enters and leaves the body.
  • Seeking alternative behaviors to anger to avoid being overwhelmed; it can be breathing exercises or other actions such as listening to music, taking a relaxing bath, drawing or painting, writing, changing the environment, etc.

I get angry and lose control, what happens to me?

We have seen some tips for working on self-control and starting to deal with our anger in a healthy way. In addition to implementing these techniques, it is also essential to be able to understand what happens to us when we cannot control anger.



If you have read carefully, you have probably already understood one of the possible causes ... in fact, weak self-control is the main cause of our inability to manage anger.

On the other hand, low frustration tolerance may also underlie these behaviors, as well as an impulsive or temperamental character.


The good news is that all of these aspects can be improved through a therapeutic path. Investigating in depth the causes of lack of anger control will allow us, in addition to knowing ourselves better, to find strategies to enhance our self-control and, consequently, our well-being.

Behind the anger: the wound

Many times a fit of anger actually hides a great wound still open. Anger, anger, and other harmful emotions are often called upon to hide others, such as sadness or disappointment.

Not being able to face and manage this sadness, or simply not knowing how to accept it, we resort to feelings that allow us to temporarily detach ourselves from that feeling.

And what happens when we can't even control anger? We explode. If we frequently lose control, perhaps we need to ask for help.


Understanding emotions, their raison d'etre, will allow us to get to know each other better and to improve every day. We are imperfect, we know, but this is what makes us human! We learn to live with our emotions, using them to learn, rather than being estranged from them.

“Anger does not discriminate, it does not understand, it does not reason. He only believes in his need to hurt, as anger is nothing more than a response to a great, timeless wound that we hide deep within our psyche. Suddenly, something or someone awakens this wound, making us explode ”.

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