Worry is a dysfunctional adaptation strategy of an emotional nature. Not only does it not solve problems, it interrupts the flow of realistic solutions. That's why we care.
Last update: October 11, 2021
Worry is part of our daily life and is caused by the hectic pace of life that we conduct. Inside of us we feel this urgent need to "have" to bring everything to completion. And not only that, we have to do it perfectly.
We pretend to be super women and super men and this inevitably leads us to worry about what is happening around us. Our worries drive us to control everything, as if it were a reality.
Worry is nothing more than a mental product, and can hardly exert control in the real world.
When we worry too much, we feel anxiety, and this anxiety arises because we believe it's really possible to control everything. Not only what has a solution, but also what is not real or what cannot be controlled.
Worrying becomes a tool that calms our fears in the short term, but in the long run it becomes a counterproductive ritual.
Think about all the times you have worried about a specific event. Have you perhaps stopped fidgeting? Does worry really lead to control over life, others and oneself?
If we think about it, we will immediately realize that worrying does not help, on the contrary it immerses us in a mental loop from which we get no solution to our problems.
Instead, we must deal with the problem, which is not the same thing. Focusing on the problem means thinking about what we can do, what the solutions are and what decisions we can make about it.
Worry can be overwhelming
It is true that worrying is somewhat natural, but many people abuse this "naturalness". In psychology, there are diagnostic criteria that define generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and describe many of these people.
The worries of people with GAD have the same content as those of other people, but the intensity, frequency, and duration are disproportionate.
Each of us could worry at any time about how our son's new job will go, for example. For people with GAD, however, worry becomes reality and they act on it, compromising relationships and daily life.
If I worry about my child's job, chances are I'll call him many times to check on how he's doing. Is it functional? Is it okay to call someone who has just started a new job? Am I in control of the situation in return?
On the other hand, dealing with it is quite different. I can always give my son some advice on the new job, ask him at the end of the day how it went and if I can help with a specific problem.
Thinking about this is the first step in becoming aware that worry not only has no effect in the real world, it also hinders the normal flow of life.
Why do we care?
We worry excessively because we were taught from an early age that it was positive. If we don't, we seem “lazy, listless and indifferent” and no one wants to be judged that way.
Here because we use concern to show that “we are good people and also responsible”. Constantly worried people resort to this adaptation because they think the following:
- It solves the problems. The truth is, it interferes with working out effective solutions. We get stuck ruminating and don't get out of it until we're really exhausted.
- Help discover ways to avoid what we fear. But we don't really avoid what we fear. It just doesn't happen to us because it's really unlikely, and not because we're worried.
- Motivate. It is not true, worry consumes us and does not leave us the strength to deal with the real solution.
- Prepare for the worst. The "worst" may never happen. And if it happens, worry will not have prepared us to deal with it. We will have wasted long periods of time mulling over a problem that doesn't exist.
- Prevents negative events. Worry is a state of mind that cannot, by definition, control reality. This is called "magical thinking".
- It helps not to think. It can help us think of nothing else, as we cannot think of several things at the same time. By worrying, however, we continue to think about something in a dysfunctional way.
- It's a positive personality trait. Worried people think they are responsible, well-meaning, or caring. If they didn't worry, they would be overwhelmed by another emotion, which is guilt.
But neither helps to solve the difficulties: worry does not prevent the negative future we have in mind from occurring, nor does the sense of guilt solve the problems of the past.
Conclusions
People who care to the right extent are able to control them by re-evaluating the threat more realistically or by formulating an action plan to solve problems.
Conversely, people with GAD can't stop worrying. They also worry about being worried (meta worry).
The psychological treatment, which we will not explain in detail here, serves a make us realize that worry doesn't have the function we think it is.
On the other hand, the behavioral part aims to leave a limit of space and time to worry, to let it go without giving us value or to take distracting actions.
