Happiness comes and goes. The importance of emotional intelligence lies in the ability to provide us with the tools to face difficult moments and those of calm. Because it is essential to feel good about yourself. Find out how to do it.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Emotional intelligence will not make us happier, it will not prevent adversity from knocking on our door or difficulties from disappearing. Even if they try to sell us the idea that through this skill it is possible to achieve professional and personal success, as well as build the life you want, it is not. Nevertheless, we can use our emotional intelligence to live better.
Daniel Goleman wrote it clearly in the 90s in his famous book Emotional Intelligence: this area has a single purpose, which is to apply intelligence in the emotional sphere. The secret, therefore, + is to develop a competence to improve coexistence with others and learn to manage one's behavior according to our needs.
This is the usefulness and the magic of emotional intelligence. In our everyday life we shouldn't aspire to absolute happiness, to a state of permanent joy and satisfaction. Life is too complex, uncertain and changeable for that state to remain unchanged.
Rather, we should aspire to feel good about ourselves, to be aware that we have psychological resources to manage difficulties. In other words, we should use emotional intelligence to live better.
Also understand that human relationships are complicated and that, at times, they cause suffering. But emotional intelligence allows you to manage these situations better and avoid getting stuck, thus facilitating a better coexistence.
Emotional intelligence makes us more competent
Lack of emotional intelligence is quite common. It can be found in those people who are unable to listen, respect and express their needs and ideas clearly and without attacking. We also observe it at work, with managers who do not care about the emotional climate of their employees and who impose aggressive leadership.
This lack can also be seen in those parents who do not know how to educate their children in this competence. They dismiss the emotions of their children with the classic “don't cry, don't do this for a trifle” or “you are great to throw a tantrum”.
Educating in emotional intelligence means recognizing that behind every behavior there is an emotion. It is therefore the parents' duty to foster emotional maturity and self-awareness from an early age.
The lack of emotional intelligence is still widespread and, although changes can already be appreciated at the school level and in education in general, there is still a lot to do, to correct and to promote. To this end, it is also advisable to clarify some aspects.
It is not a gift, but a quality to work on
Emotional intelligence will not make us happier, it will not make us top of the class or absolute leaders in our dream job. It is not a gift that can catapult us directly to success. Rather, it is a quality that helps us lay the foundations for a more fulfilling life.
Understanding, using, regulating and managing our emotions allows us, for example, to cope with stress in a better way.
Managing emotions, understanding their message and using empathy to understand others makes our relationships more harmonious and allows us to feel more confident in interactions.
All of these are qualities of life, tools for well-being and resources for dealing with adversity. After all, happiness comes and goes. What we really need are tools to move with agility in difficult times and resources to make the most of quiet days.
All this will allow us to feel fulfilled and satisfied with ourselves, in any circumstance, simple or complicated.
Emotional intelligence to live better with yourself
Emotional intelligence it can provide us with the psychological nutrients to achieve happiness. This is shown by an interesting study conducted in 2007 at the University of Oxford by Dr. Alex Furnham. According to this publication, people are more satisfied with themselves when they develop sufficient emotional intelligence.
But there is also another aspect to consider, namely that happiness is a multidimensional dimension. It integrates aspects such as emotional and social relationships, the achievement of certain goals, living according to one's values, living a daily life in which there is no fear or anxiety and one feels fulfilled, among others.
Emotional intelligence isn't the answer to everything, but it nourishes and helps to satisfy many of these aspects. This quality, however, will not prevent us from suffering losses, disappointments, failures ... Unhappiness is also part of life and we must accept it in the awareness that it is not permanent.
Emotional intelligence can help us manage these states to reach the phase of acceptance, that cycle in which, although happiness is not absolute, everything hurts less and we launch ourselves into new opportunities. This is the secret.