Last update: July 19, 2016
You are so brave and determined that, sometimes, others forget that you suffer, that you have feelings and that, obviously, negative things affect your emotional balance. But you also cry when your heart is broken, you too suffer.
But it is good that it is, it is not a bad thing. However, the social and emotional education they instill in us obliges us, once we have reached a certain age, to hide that part of us that is at the end of our strength. So we begin to load ourselves with unnecessary burdens, always showing ourselves happy, because this is what we mean by being strong, decisive, courageous and indestructible.
But is not so: being strong also means suffering, being decisive, courageous and indestructible. Because? For one simple reason, which is because this is part of our emotional nature and it is not possible for us to escape from it. It is curious how each one imposes on the other the way in which one must show oneself or not.
We need to literate our brains
A short time ago, in a conference, I uttered this sentence: "We need to literate our emotional brain." Many of those present showed concern about the topic, partly because if they were there it was precisely because they knew that it is necessary to open one's mind and educate one's emotions.
Crying is thought to be a symptom of weakness and that, therefore, if at a certain moment someone suffers a breakdown or an inner pain, he must not show it, since it would not be a good example of strength and freedom. Nonetheless, not doing so requires repressing your emotions and feelings, not accepting them and wearing a mask.
We think: why shouldn't we externalize our discomfort when things go wrong? Why should we wear a mask and hide reality? This leads us to face neither problems nor emotions, which could lead to a worsening of the situation.
Emotional toxicity comes from a lack of self-understanding. This is normal because, if we stop and think, how many children have grown up hearing phrases like: “don't cry, nothing happened”? How many times have we invalidated our feelings, telling ourselves that we should be happy?
Tears have a function of their own. For this we want to quote a dialogue extracted from the book “La lluvia sabe por qué” (The rain knows why).
"Let them flow, Lucia," said the grandmother.
- The tears! Sometimes they seem so many that you can drown in them, but that's not the case.
- Do you think they will stop one day?
- Of course! - answered the grandmother, smiling sweetly -. The tears don't last long, they do their job and then follow their path.
- And what job do they do? - I'm water, Lucia. They clean, dissolve ... Like rain. Everything is different after it rains ...
Our backpack, the weight of our life
Our backpack is loaded with stones and stones. It is good, therefore, to empty it, select what we want or not, filtering what makes us feel good and what makes us feel bad.
What is extremely heavy limits us, chains us and prevents us from moving forward. Nevertheless, what is good for us is light. When we check our backpack, we realize that things have also accumulated that we did not put in it (at least not consciously).
We are afraid to try, to show ourselves exactly for who we are, with everything we feel, to self-sabotage our feelings and to acknowledge our suffering. We also think that asking for help is synonymous with vital weakness and incompetence.
What nonsense! Each of these things makes us emotionally intelligent, resourceful and socially adept people. For this reason, do not stop showing your emotions, because doing so is a symbol of strength, at any age and with any responsibility.