Will the ash always remain where the fire went?

Will the ash always remain where the fire went?

Last update: February 18, 2022

Usually, inserting an ex into our life is not easy at all. He is not a friend or a friend, but neither is he a stranger; he knows many intimate things about us and it is even possible that there is still some love towards him. Why, really, it is not the absence of love that divides most couples, but disagreements, incompatibilities or bad gestures: this is how the feeling is left aside.

To decide how to relate to our ex, we should consider what we feel about him and where we want to place him in our life. The ideal is that the mold of the new relationship arises by mutual agreement and that little by little it becomes something comfortable and flexible, so that the bond stabilizes in the way that both of them want.

But, as we have said, this would be "ideal" ... A conversation of this type is not easy, because one of the most common reasons for breaking up is the deterioration of communication in the couple. Grudge, untreated wounds, or simply lack of skills often hinder agreement, whether tacit or explicit..

However, what does “the ash” mentioned in the title refer to? A trace, a path that we have traveled thanks to a very powerful feeling: neither more nor less than love. And, like any journey taken, it can be retraced easily.

This happens out of a sense of security, because there was a part of the other that fascinated us, because there is something we have not yet explored and we want to know better. and because, probably, that something that prompted us to initially take that path is still present (if only on an unconscious level).

Memory helps to return to this path, since it has a tendency to make people forget negative situations when surrounded by love. In our thoughts the desire of the other and the happy moments tend to remain etched.

It may be that our ex was a liar and that hasn't changed, but he hasn't stopped being kind, generous and physically attractive as he did when he first won us over. And if these things have made us lose our minds once, why shouldn't they make us lose it again?

We now come to fire, which alludes to passion, especially from a physical point of view. In fact, many ex-couples who have had some intimate reunion say that their sexual relationships had improved since the separation. Because? When considering a couple, we must keep in mind that there is a great deal of daily commitments and facts that are part of the relationship. These elements, at times help to ignite the passion, but, at other times, prevent it from emerging naturally. This is how, once the couple is eliminated, the passion returns. Let's not forget that it is connected to love, but there are hundreds of witnesses who affirm and tell that it is not the same feeling.

Furthermore, the social censorship that previously affected “no-obligation” sexual relations has mostly disappeared; so many couples ask themselves: "If we both want to start having intimate encounters again, why not do it? " What many are unaware of is that the hormones that are secreted on this occasion, such as oxytocin, increase the effects on memory that we talked about earlier. It is not surprising, therefore, that many reconciliations begin with physical encounters with no higher expectations.

But, attention! A passionate reunion with an ex can be tempting, seductive, comfortable and familiar (since we already know a part of this journey), but it can also be dangerous if there is an asymmetry of feelings on the part of the two members of the couple. One of the two people may have very clear in mind that they are only looking for sex and the other may interpret it as the first step in starting to be together again. If this were the case, for the latter person, the meetings could represent a reason to magnify the suffering that sooner or later he will have to suffer.

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