There are those who regret having loved, either because a relationship hasn't paid off or because it has fallen apart. Many think it was wasted love. However, he never loses whoever gives love, but whoever does not know how to appreciate and receive him.
To love means to open up. Those who love keep nothing for themselves, but in that offering a wonderful contradiction is produced because by giving, we receive. In fact, those who withdraw into themselves, those who build walls around themselves to protect themselves, lose out, because in this way joy will not enter, but suffering can still creep through the small openings.
The worst thing you can do is close in on yourself
When someone we love disappoints or disappoints us, we are forced to do a thoughtful job of restructuring on a psychological level. Not only do we have to deal with the feelings we are experiencing, but we also have to process what happened on a cognitive level.
The pain of loss, frustration and even anger ends up affecting our thoughts. Sometimes that pain is so great that it even hurts physically and we literally feel broken. And since nobody likes to suffer we can end up scolding ourselves, thinking that we shouldn't have loved so much so that we could have avoided suffering.
It is true. It is a perfectly valid and rational reasoning: if we don't love, we don't suffer. But is it really worth living emotionally anesthetized? Is that what you really want?
It is perfectly understandable that, after the first emotional impact, we think that we will not return to love in the same way or that we must protect ourselves so as not to suffer again, because the emotions we are experiencing are like gray lenses that prevent us from seeing the colors of the world.
Indeed, in a sense these thoughts are a defense mechanism. When suffering assails us we try to find consolation. And it can comfort us that we will not suffer in this way in the future. It's like thinking: “okay, now I'm suffering a lot, but when I get over it it won't happen again”. This thought can be comforting and can help us get out of the tunnel.
But at some point, it is necessary to restructure those thoughts and open them back to the world. We must be aware that the defense mechanisms that at some point may be functional and protect us, can later harm us.
Change your perspective or condemn yourself to emotional sterility
Loving is never wasted time, it is an experience we can treasure for a lifetime. We just have to pay attention to the moment when the pain passes to rework our thoughts.
The first sign that our emotional wounds are healing is that, looking back, we no longer only see the negative moments but also the positive ones. Then the time has come when we need to reflect on our thoughts. From that moment on, we can begin to open up to the world again.
It will help us to think that even if we don't like to accept it, everything in life has a price. To get something, we have to give something in return. This means that the joy of love also encompasses pain and suffering. Denying one also means denying the other and condemning oneself to emotional sterility, which is terribly worse than the pain of loss.