Last update: 09 September, 2015
Sometimes people turn away from us without giving us explanations, leaving us to deal with a painful and unexpected absence that disrupts our life.
When this happens, we can't think of anything other than their selfishness and the great wrong they have done to us. And when we manage to contain our anger, we start thinking about how unfair it is, why we don't deserve it.
At the same time, a cloud full of sadness and regret settles over our heads, casting a shadow that we should live with for a long time.
That darkness will introduce us to disappointment, disillusionment, betrayal and disbelief. Yet when we fall into this abyss, it means that our freedom is near. Because when someone leaves us like this, it means they don't deserve our company.
Better to be disappointed than to live in a lie
When someone leaves without giving us explanations, something inside of us breaks. We will probably never understand what exactly happened to us, but we know it really hurts us.
Yet disappointments are less painful if we can safeguard our integrity. For this reason, even if replacing love for others with self-love is a difficult process, the truth is that, in this way, we will be changing an insufferable tyrant for a good friend.
When a person abandons us unfairly, when he leaves us without an explanation and without trying to mediate, we can be sure that the day will soon come when he will regret having lost us.
As they say, those who don't love us don't deserve us. And if he left, it was because he was not at our level or because his level of emotional maturity prevented him from seeing that there are a thousand better ways to leave or to seek solutions to problems. In short, escaping is cowardly and is not the winning solution, but the most bitter and ungrateful one.
What to do when someone disappears from our life?
When someone disappears from your life, you may never see them again. But if you could tell him anything you want, what would you want to tell him? Grab a pen and paper and write a letter. It can be infinite or consist of a single word. You write the letter, but no, you don't mail it, you fold it, you bring it close to a flame and you burn it. The wind will take it away, and so the pain won't stay inside you. - Federico Moccia
When someone leaves us this way, we engage in an internal battle in which we are torn between waiting for him to come back to us with his tail between his legs or giving a new start to our life and starting to live again only with ourselves. This last choice is the one that involves the greatest difficulties to be overcome, because we are no longer able to be alone.
In this case we will probably be left with a lot of things we wish we had said. The pain, the regrets and all these emotions can't stay inside us, we have to get them out somehow, even just imagining that we have that person in front of us, tearing letters into pieces or punching a pillow.
One of the best options is to write a letter to the person who hurt us, explaining how their abandonment made us feel. After doing that, it is good to get rid of the letter, because this gesture is the best liberation.
What is the last step to free ourselves from pain?
When we hold resentment towards another person within us, we remain attached to him or to that situation, because it is an emotional bond stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to release that bond and achieve freedom. - Catherine Ponder
After we have written our letter and brought out our feelings and emotions, it is time to to forgive. Giving wings to our suffering is the only way not to make our body the grave of our soul.
Because behind our anger and our anger in the face of that unscrupulous abandonment hides a great sadness, an infinite humiliation, and the most painful of disappointments. For this, freeing ourselves from those feelings will allow us to begin to stop walking the tightrope.
Whatever happens, what we must never forget is that every painful experience contains within itself a small seed of growth and liberation.
