Last update: February 15, 2020
Envy devours people and destroys any fertile ground. It kills everything alive and runs with the speed of a tsunami. It demolishes everything. Envy is destructive to both ourselves and others. It is a feeling that makes existence bitter, especially when it reaches its maximum intensity.
Perhaps it has also happened to us sometimes to feel envy towards another person. For example, for the physical qualities of him, or for the goals he has achieved or for his luck. Envy is a feeling that everyone knows at least a little.
However, there is a type of envy that is said to be healthy and that doesn't produce that bitter taste. His presence is like a small blow on the back that reminds us of what we want or what we would like to change and that leaves us with an aftertaste of sadness and melancholy. A little healthy envy is neither bitter nor destructive as the pathological one is.
“Envy is a declaration of inferiority”.
Listen to envy so that it helps us
Whether it's healthy or pathological, envy tells us that we lack or think we don't have something. Perhaps it signals the presence of a sense of inferiority that prevents us from having healthy relationships with others or perhaps it reminds us of that dream we had and that remained trapped in the anteroom of our life. Whatever the message, envy always has something to tell us, so it is important to listen to it.
By denying it or hiding it, we will achieve nothing. Envy is there and it wants to warn us of something. Otherwise we wouldn't feel like a pang in the chest when we learn of another person's luck. We wouldn't care.
When we feel envious, we have the feeling that something is turning inside us. This is why it is important to listen to it, translate what it tries to tell us, accept it and take action. Yes, the piece to be moved is in our hands, no one else's. We are the ones who have the last word on what to do with that unfinished dream, let's not forget it.
Pathological envy destroys us
It is true that we do not always have the necessary resources to make our dreams come true, but perhaps we can adapt them to our possibilities and work hard to make them come true. It is therefore normal to sometimes feel that kind of pinch when we see that someone has already arrived where we would like to go or at a point that makes us dizzy just at the thought of getting there.
The problem is when this envy turns into the focus of our interactions with others. When it dominates our relationships and we start making constant comparisons between ourselves and others. In this way, the only thing we get is to divert attention from our existence to turn our critical gaze outwards. A look that tries to find the error, fragility or weakness of others. A punishing attitude that does not forgive the happiness of others.
Lthe other person becomes a subject to hate, as our happiness depends on his misfortune, and our misfortune on his good fortune. A labyrinth of malaise that revolves around the feeling of envy and has the power to make us blind when we have to find solutions.
Transforming negative energy into positive
Faced with the trap of envy and the negative effect it creates, it becomes crucial to transform this energy (aimed at criticizing and finding "errors" in others) and make it positive, in order to be able to look for what makes us truly happy. All the effort we put into sifting through what is external to us, we must turn it inwards.
Only we can be our yardstick. It is important to assume that comparisons are truly useless. Each human being is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Why compare ourselves to others? We are not the same person, we do not have the same experience, we do not see the world in the same way ...
Each person is made differently. There will be people "better or worse" than us in one specific area and not in another. This is something we need to be clear about if we don't want to fall into the lethal trap of comparisons.
One person can be a mess at math, while for another it can be an extremely easy subject. However, it may be that the latter is not as creative as the former, which instead is an explosion of art and creativity. Each person shines with their own light.
As we have seen, therefore, only by living in our reality will we be able to focus on what we want to be and how we can be. The best ally to progress is not envy, but acceptance, that support that can push us towards what we want and that at times simplifies our path.