Legend has it that one day, a visibly agitated disciple came to house of Socrates
, the great Greek philosopher. - Master! I wanted to tell you that I have heard a friend of yours speak ill of you ... Socrates immediately interrupted him: - Wait! Have you already passed through the Three Filters what you want to tell me? - Three Filters…? - Asked the disciple. - Yes - Socrates replied. -The First Filter is the Truth. Is what you are telling me true in all its points? The disciple hesitated. - No… I heard it from a neighbor. - But at least you will have passed it through the Second Filter: Goodness. Is what you are telling me at least good? - No, not really ... on the contrary. - Ah! - Socrates interrupted him. - So, do you need to tell me this? - To be honest, no…. It is not needed. - So - Smiled the sage - If it is not True, Good and not even Necessary ... let's bury it in oblivion. Of course, we are not Socrates and often we can not prevent some rumors from reaching our ears. Other times, we are simply strong enough to reject these rumors, and once heard, it is difficult for us to get rid of their influence, which is almost always unhealthy. However, what others think of us is their problem, not ours. People who criticize us or spread rumors about our choices and behaviors don't really know us, haven't lived through our history, and don't know the problems we've had. face and the sacrifices we made. All they know is what we have told them, or what they can assume. Therefore, their opinions are nothing more than a reality created by their mind, a limited reality that they try to fit us into. The opinions of others are a kind of parallel reality, but narrower and poorer than ours. So why should we undergo it? Why should we abandon our reality, which is rich, large and complex, just to enter a matchbox? destructive criticism
, humiliation and contempt. When we allow these opinions to ruin our day or, worse yet, damage our self-esteem, we are leaving our world to enter that little universe that others are trying to impose on us.
Criticism is the power of the powerless: What are the people who criticize like?
Sometimes it is difficult to understand ourselves, and this makes it even more difficult to decipher the causes of the sensations we experience. A mature person who has lived long enough and received many lessons from life, does not criticize, but helps; does not press, but holds out his hand.Therefore, people who tend to criticize and judge left and right, without worrying about the effect of their words, are those who have not reached sufficient maturity and think they know everything and are possessing an absolute truth. But deep down they hide:- Low self-esteem:
This person does not accept himself and does not love himself, so he will hardly accept others. For this reason he attacks with unhealthy criticisms and opinions, the aim is to bring us to his level.- Tendency to projection:
Jules Renard, a French writer, said that "to criticize is to say of someone who does not have the qualities we believe we possess". In fact, destructive criticisms usually derive from the projections of the worst qualities of the person who, not recognizing them in himself, projects them onto the other.- Poor self-criticism:
A person who knows himself well knows what his flaws are, and does not dare to criticize so easily because he is usually more empathetic. However, the person who criticizes constantly thinks he is perfect, believes he has the right to judge others. This person sees the speck in your eye, but not the beam in his own. In this regard, a study conducted at the universities of Nebraska and Wake Forest revealed that people who constantly criticize often hide deep unhappiness. Instead, the results of this research show that people who value others positively are happy, warm, enthusiastic and emotionally stable. depression and being emotionally unstable. Therefore, negative criticism not only harms those who receive it, but also those who do it.
Can we free ourselves from criticism and negative opinions?
We live in society, we are social beings, relationships with others nourish us and allow us to grow. However, when we interact with someone we only do so through certain roles. For example, our parents will know us in our role as children, our partner in the role of lovers, and our colleagues see us as professionals, but we are much more than these simple roles, we are more complex and rich, with many other aspects that other people don't know. Our "I" is huge, and most of the people around us only know a small part of it. Likewise, our story is very rich, and is not told only through facts, but also through the emotions we experienced in those moments. Therefore, we must always consider that the criticisms and judgments they express about us are always limited and go through the person's view of how we should behave. Nevertheless, we are not obliged to follow their pattern, especially if this takes away our value and diminishes our "I." Of course, since we are used to building our image in the image and likeness of others, at first it could be It's hard not to listen to criticism and negative judgments, but we will learn little by little, until we reach a point where we can look back and smile at the thought that we are worried about these malicious rumors. most powerful weapons you have. When you receive a positive judgment they become stronger, while the destructive criticism achieves the exact opposite: it destroys them. Therefore, it is important that you choose carefully the judgments that will build your "I." In the same way that you would not accept that someone chooses for you the clothes you wear every day, you must not allow someone to fill your mental closet. with its stereotypes, opinions and judgments. Living by the standards of others only causes us to lose our identity and ultimately causes us dissatisfaction and frustration. Remember that the most unhappy people are those who are overly concerned with what other people think.
Three golden rules to prevent negative criticism from harming you
1. Remember that you are unique, and you cannot expect others to understand your journey if they have not had the opportunity to walk your path. No one can say you were wrong, because even people who have gone through similar situations, they did it from their point of view, with their range of experiences, goals and fears, not yours. You are much more than this criticism, since every opinion always refers to a limited part of your "I", but in reality you are much more than that. Accepting this label and wearing it means limiting your potential and allowing them to destroy your self-esteem, without doing anything to prevent it. Don't try to please everyone, there will always be people who criticize you, but it's important that their opinions don't influence you. You must learn to free yourself from the need to please everyone, because only in this way can you find your way and remain faithful to it despite the criticisms.