What does it mean to love?
What does it mean to love a person?
My life changed when I realized it and yours will immediately change too. Here's what I propose:
- Maybe you don't know what love really is. Let's try?
- We bet you never fall in love with someone you don't like?
- I'll tell you how to always recognize if it's love.
- Here's what will change your life in a matter of hours!
Ready or ready to learn the most important lesson of your life?
What does it mean to love: what happens when we love?
I think this is the place to start. No theory, just practice.
Think of a person you say you love.
Or where you say "I love you".
It could be your partner, friend, daughter, parent.
Without going into too much detail, think about it what are you doing since you have love for him.
that is what it means to love a person. That person.
When you love a person what do you do?
I have some ideas:
- You want him to be happy. I think this is obvious but also fundamental.
- When he is wrong forgive your mistakes.
- You are available if he needs a hand.
- You care what he thinks, What does he say.
- You dedicate part of your time, your attention.
- You respect his ideas. You may not agree, but accept his views.
- Believe in this person and his abilities.
The list, in my opinion, could be very long indeed.
Have you noticed what characterizes this list?
They are all actions what you do.
There are things you do towards those you love.
What does it mean to love a person
To love a person, therefore, act with love.
We can begin to say that to love means to act with love.
Now there are two possibilities: either we are controlled by a mysterious force that makes you perform certain gestures, or these actions of love choose to do them.
Spending time doesn't happen, wanna do it.
As well as forgiving: excusing a mistake it's a choice you make. Or do you happen to forgive?
Do you usually happen to accidentally and unintentionally lend a hand or do a favor to someone who asks you?
Think about the request of a friend that costs you effort, is it a coincidence or your choice?
You give up something for the sake of someone by accident, or why you want it, why do you decide?
So we can say that loving means not only acting with love, but above all choose to do so.
And yes, love is a choice, because it means doing, saying, thinking about things that depend on you. And it is often a scary choice.
It is not a concept, love is not theory but concrete actions which obviously change your life.
We are talking about a way of living and living and we are talking about the things you choose to do.
Action and choice I said.
Before continuing I suggest you take my torque test.
It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.
Loving a person: are you sure it's really random?
We are all convinced that love, as a feeling or emotion, you arrive by chance and do not depend on us.
I also thought so a few years ago, then, however, I began to see something that I did not notice before.
I realized that reality wasn't quite what it seemed. And I started looking at it more carefully.
Earlier I wrote a list of actions we usually take towards the people we love.
Obviously, they are things that we all recognize that we do for love.
You have no doubt that you behave a certain way because you feel love.
However, there is a circumstance in our life in which we do not consider these same actions as a gesture of love. Do you know what it is?
When do we start dating another person.
Let's call it courtship, or whatever you like, but when you know a person and maybe you want to find out if they could be the right one, what are you doing?
When dating a person, we do something like this:
- You listen with interest what he says, what he thinks, his ideas, his tastes.
- You accept the things you don't share and you leave her the freedom to be as she wants.
- If he is wrong forgive, try to understand your reasons and always accept his apology.
- You dedicate a lot of time to it, lots of thoughts.
- You would like to see her happy and maybe have the ability to make her happy.
- You're super helpful if he needs you.
If you compare this list with the one above, you will notice that they are the same, the actions we take are really the same.
So where is the difference?
When do you understand that you love a person?
The difference lies precisely in the feel this feeling or not.
We think we act with love only if we feel this emotion.
Otherwise, even if we do the same things, we don't call them love.
Indeed emotion is a consequence of our choice to act with love.
First you love, then you start to feel love inside you.
This is a different view from what we usually think.
We are used to thinking that the actions we perform are due to emotion that was born within us.
I'll ask you a few questions:
- Have you ever fallen in love, or in love, with a person that you didn't like, that you found really ugly? I don't mean just at the beginning, but from the first to the last day.
- And of a person who did you consider yourself inferior to you? What did you consider ridiculous?
- And one that it never made you feel good, not even for a minute?
- And of one who had a temper that you hated, even after you knew her well?
I really think not.
You might have disliked her at first, but when you got to know her, you discovered that she was wonderful.
You may not have liked her appearance at first, but knowing her you noticed a beautiful character and you realized that she was not at all as bad as you thought.
Do you think it really is a case that you always fall in love, and only, with people you like?
It doesn't matter what others think, but they are always people who, for your tastes, in the end you like them, in one respect or another.
I really don't think I'm wrong.
I think this, but correct me if I'm wrong:
If love is really casual, you should fall in love with someone you don't like, at least sometimes.
You should also think, for example:
- It's hideous, ma I can't help but love him.
- I wouldn't even touch it with a finger, ma I love her.
- He has a terrible temper and he is ugly, ma I love.
- We never had a good time together, not even for a moment, and it will never make me happy, ma I love her.
As absurd as claims, right?
Yet we think that love is the result of chance.
Do you know what is casual? A number that comes out on roulette!
But if you and I played and the number I bet on always came out, you wouldn't think the game is rigged?
You would never believe it is a coincidence that my number always comes out.
You randomly think that you always fall in love with people you like?
I say no. There is the trick!
Among other things, if it were accidental, there would be no eternal love: how could you promise me something that is not up to you?
We feel love because we begin to love. I advise you to find out what the difference is between falling in love and love.
And since loving means choosing to act with love, we choose, without realizing it, to give this love to those we like.
It will be the eyes, the body, the character, a passion, a way of doing.
It does not matter.
The true meaning of love
We we choose to love who we like and we feel love precisely because we have begun to love.
The emotion is there, and it is also the greatest and most wonderful of all.
But if you want to understand what it means to love a person, you must realize this: the emotion is up to you.
You feel love because you love, because you choose it.
The emotion is authentic and true, but it's not random.
No chance or fatality, therefore, but choice and freedom.
This is a key point, but also difficult to understand because it seems obvious that emotion depends on what others do, on what happens to you, on the words they say to you.
I wrote a page where I explain what emotional independence is. Read it 🙂
If you are understanding that love is not simply an emotion you feel, but first of all something you do, and discovering that no emotion depends on the outside but you create it, then you are learning one of the most important things.
For this reason, love "does not end", and couple crises are always the consequence of our choice to stop loving. Or one of the two 😉
But I want to be even more concrete, explaining how to recognize love.
Love is a choice and it has 3 characteristics that help you understand if it's really love.
What does it mean to love (in your opinion!)
If you think about it, unfounded, the actions that so far we have called gestures of love are actions that we could perform also to deceive someone.
I pretend interest in you because I want a favor, I pretend to forgive you because I want you to be available to me.
What does it mean to love then?
Simply carrying out gestures that could only be formal, apparent, which perhaps are fake?
To love means to act in a certain way, to love means to choose these actions.
Love has 3 characteristics that make it so.
Any action or gesture, unfounded, you could do it for love or convenience.
If your actions have these 3 qualities, then they are a gesture of love.
Let's find out together.
1. To truly love is to give without asking for anything in return (love is free)
Free means that he asks for nothing in return. There are no "ifs" to our gestures.
I forgive, I listen, I understand, I accept, help, without condizioni, without expecting anything.
It doesn't matter what you do, I act equally with love.
Observe a rose: give its perfume only to those who treat her well?
It stops smelling if you talk badly about it or want to tear off the petals.
No, it just gives its scent, without ifs and buts.
This is a very simple example that reminds me of a beautiful book by Anthony De Mello.
It is called Called to Love and I advise you to read it right away.
In the video I mentioned the example of a friend asking you for money.
I have also given examples of others in a post dedicated to unconditional love and I invite you to read it.
So I move on to the other two features since you will read a lot about this in this study.
2. To love a person is to give without ever getting tired (love is without measure)
You wouldn't have doubts about someone who says they always loved you, but that leaves you in a difficult time?
Think of a couple of friends where one of them abandons the other because he ends up in jail.
Or the situations in which those who say they love you he moves away from you because you have had financial problems.
Maybe these people have always been there, up to that point.
Or imagine what happens if the wife decides to abandon her husband because he has lost his job.
She can't stand a life she doesn't like anymore, and now that he's unemployed, it's too much to bear.
In these examples, love has a measure.
The sentence could be: "This is too much!".
And you stop loving.
Remember that emotion arises because you act with love.
Likewise, when you stop loving, the emotion becomes weaker and weaker until it disappears.
In these years I have always seen the same thing: those who complained that love was over, to earn well, he had stopped acting with love.
This happens when the actions of others become too much to keep loving them.
It is not love in your opinion.
Would you question who, abandoning you when things get difficult, says he always loved you.
Has it ever occurred to you to think “maybe he never loved me!”?
Have you ever had doubts about the sincerity of people who had betrayed you or abandoned you?
I really think so.
Here's what it means to love: act with love without any measure.
By the way, if you notice, putting a measure means that it is not free, but it comes with a price.
Then a if it hasn't one measure, it is also free.
However, there is a third quality you need to know.
3. To love means not to favoritism (love does not exclude anyone)
Why do you love some people, that is, do you behave with love towards them, and don't do the same with others?
The obvious answer is that these people you love are closer, closer, you have a special relationship.
Do you remember what it means to love?
Act with love, therefore, for example:
- Forgive a mistake.
- To do a favour.
- Respect ideas other than yours.
- Devote time and attention.
- Listen with interest.
What would be wrong if you forgave the mistake made by a stranger who cut your way?
Or were you doing a favor for someone you meet at the grocery store and have never seen before?
What if you spend time listening to a neighbor you barely say goodbye to?
Perhaps you have come up with answers like:
- Why should I do this?
- They wouldn't do it for me.
- What do I get from it to do all this?
Maybe you have others.
In these years I guarantee you that I have discovered that the answer is always one: I don't get anything out of it.
A frequently asked question is: why should i do this?
So there seems to be no good reason
Also because, often, we tell ourselves that, in our place, others would not act with love towards us.
If I act with love towards a friend, he will do the same with me.
If I do this with my partner, he or she will do the same with me.
We love those who love us because we want to receive their love.
Earlier I mentioned a post dedicated to free love. If you haven't, read it.
In that case I'll explain that this trading love for love, in reality, it's not love at all.
Think about it: when you exclude someone from your gestures of love, you do it because you don't think anything will come of it.
You won't gain anything.
If you think so, it's not love.
It is no longer free, has a price, that is, what you get in return.
In this way the first feature fails.
Do you think you love those people who, with you, I never am helpful, kind or thoughtful?
And what do you think if a stranger behaves with love towards you instead?
Without gaining anything from his behavior?
Love is recognized because it welcomes everyone.
Obviously, every relationship has different behaviors, gestures, intimacies.
We don't do the same things, in the same way, with everyone.
But basically it makes no sense to love some and exclude everyone else.
Remember that to love means to act with love.
It is not a question of individual actions, but of atteggiamento.
Summing up we discovered what it means to love: choose to act with love without conditions, without measure and without excluding anyone.
And what I'm explaining is valid even if we talk about couples: no difference.
I know, I'm explaining to you something totally different from how we usually experience it.
But we are wrong. I am sure of it because as you heard in the video, you are the first, or the first, who wants true love from others. Here is a poem of mine.
Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?
Answer my test questions to find out.
It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.
Your words can deceive my senses,
and I imagine things that are not such,
then unable to recognize Love.
Your behaviors may deceive my eyes,
letting me believe in things that are not true,
thinking of recognizing love where it is not.
Love is polite and courteous and does not make a noise,
he does not scream his presence and he does not shout his arrival,
he doesn't have to prove himself by this
you will recognize love.
You will see it because it will not ask for demonstrations,
you will understand it because it will not demand anything and set no limits,
he will give himself without rest and without end, without respite and without deceit.
It will be clear and transparent, without hiding anything,
you will recognize it because there will be no violence,
possession, jealousy or compulsion.
To recognize love look all around,
if nothing prevents you from going in any direction,
if nothing denies you a choice or a decision,
if he wants nothing from you but gives everything,
then it is Love.
I think it simply encapsulates what I have explained to you so far.
Of course, if you like it, share it with whoever you prefer.
To love means… to live and act with love
At first I said that I was not interested in the theoretical definition (I recommend this wikihow post which gives several and some interesting ones).
I wanted to help you understand what it means to love in our life, how it changes it, or can change it.
I wanted to make you reflect, bring doubts, give you elements to understand, and act.
- Love is a choice that depends on you.
- You only experience emotion if you act with love, actively.
- The emotion is not accidental, you do not love by chance, but you are the one who creates it.
- Love is true if it has 3 characteristics.
- I have not invented these qualities, you use them to evaluate if others love you really or not.
From this new vision derives a very important consideration: you can choose to love, always.
You don't have to wait for it to happen, it's up to you!
This changes everything for a very simple reason: your happiness is tied to how much you choose to love.
I made a guide that explains how to be happy. I recommend it of course.
What matters is that you understand that the more you start to act with love, the happier you will be.
Obviously there are a lot of variables that come into play, but loving is the secret of happiness.
And now you know that you don't have to wait nothing or nobody.
The more you actively love, the more love you bring into your life and you will be happy
And this will also transform your life as a couple.
What good would it be to understand what it means to love if we don't start acting with love?
I tell you: to nothing.
I repeat: do you want to be happy? Loves.
The more you love, and you don't exclude anyone, you don't ask for anything in return and you don't set limits, the happier you will be.
This is a natural law, which I dare say scientific.
I know it, what I say is beautiful but difficult and it's not something we're used to doing.
On the site you will find other resources created specifically to help you take concrete action and live a happy life.
I suggest some pages that you should read right away:
- A guide that helps you understand how to learn to love. It is not something that is taught, but I can share what I learned, to make your life easier.
- Another guide to explain how to take care of yourself. Loving each other is just as important, and often very difficult.
- An in-depth study to understand what happiness is: I explained to you that the more you love the happier you are, but why should you believe me? Here I'll explain it to you precisely.
Now you just have to act.
At this point you have had the opportunity to reflect on the meaning of love, come on what it means to act with love.
My invitation is to read all resources that you find on the site.
Start acting with love. Everlasting.