Last update: October 28, 2015
You can be in love with several people at a time, and with all of them with the same pain, without betraying anyone.
Gabriel García Márquez
Have you ever been in love with two or more people at the same time?
Maybe you thought you wanted to have a sexual and loving relationship with those people and just enjoy that kind of relationship. The traditional paradigm of a relationship between two people is so ingrained in society that the very thought of having two or more partners makes us feel guilty.
To maintain satisfactory relationships with more people, a good dose of ethics and morals is required, as total sincerity is required to be able to fully experience the experience in question..
It may seem easier to lie and live an open relationship without the other people involved knowing it, but that doesn't allow you to fully experience and enjoy it.
But then, what's wrong with feeling love and desire for two or more people at the same time? Anything. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty, as long as you act in total sincerity and honesty. And this is precisely the most complicated aspect.
The first thing to do to learn about polyamory is to differentiate it from other concepts with which it is often confused.
Polyamory is ...
Polyamory is not an open relationship, in an open relationship the partners look for other sexual partners, but they don't live together and they don't create a bond beyond sex.
Polyamory isn't even a couple swap, because having couple swapping means having sex with other couples.
Polyamory isn't a triangle, because it's not just about sex, but about a deeper relationship with two or more people.
Polyamory implies a sexual and loving relationship with several people at the same time, a relationship that lasts over time.
Obviously not everyone makes the same things happy, nor the same way of seeing and living relationships. In fact, some people are happy to have monogamous relationships and experience them fully. It is infidelity in this type of relationship that, at times, reveals the nature of polyamorous individuals.
What are the benefits of polyamory?
One of the main benefits of polyamory is the lack of a sense of possession. We belong to no one and no one is ours. Polyamory ends when the main characteristic of monogamous relationships takes over: possession of the other person.
Remorse-free and free sex with other people is a hallmark of polyamorous relationships. From the first moment, however, we must show ourselves sincere about what we want and how we want it, in this way we will avoid misunderstandings and no one will be able to blame us for anything in the future..
A polyamorous relationship is the relationship that makes us feel most satisfied.
Initially it was thought that if in a monogamous relationship one of the two cheats, it is because he is not satisfied with the relationship he is living, while if one is in a polyamorous relationship, it is because he is not satisfied with only one partner.
This idea was disproved by a study carried out by psychologist Melissa Mitchell of the University of Georgia. The researcher interviewed 1093 people who had polyamorous relationships and concluded that the search for a second person has nothing to do with dissatisfaction with the first partner, because intimacy and respect towards the original partner increased. with time.
What are the main difficulties of a polyamorous relationship?
- Jealousy. Jealousy is inevitable until we learn to speak and say the things that bother us. Maybe it makes us sick to see the other two people kissing, but if we never say anything, the problem cannot be solved. Feeling jealousy is normal and human, but you have to learn to manage this feeling and understand its origin.
- The comparison. We often tend to compare ourselves with others, in terms of beauty, intelligence, sympathy, etc. But it is absurd. What we like about each person is something unique. The love relationship is different depending on the person with whom it is entertained.
- The possibility of forming a family. Polyamory implies the possibility of forming a family and living with several people. It is not a family in the traditional sense of the term, but a different, more open concept of family that can still make us happy.
- The breakups. Breaking up with one of the people in the poly relationship is just as difficult as any breakup. Having relationships with more people does not mean that, if it ends with one of them, we will not suffer. If we love someone for who they are, losing them will hurt us, regardless of the nature of the relationship.
- The acceptance of others. One of the difficulties we may face when we clarify the type of relationship we want is to make others understand it. On the one hand, when we know someone and want to have a polyamorous relationship, the first thing to do is to explain and clarify everything.
On the other hand, another difficulty will arise, namely making sure that our environment, family and friends understand our way of seeing and living relationships. In any case, we cannot always expect to be accepted by others, because sometimes it is impossible.
How can a person who has been with the same partner for 30 years understand a polyamorous relationship? She can't understand it, but she can respect it.
Polyamory is about loving multiple people at a time, without deceiving anyone.
And how would you feel if they offered you to have a polyamorous relationship?