Last update: 10 March, 2017
It is now more and more common for us to end a romantic relationship. Until a few decades ago, almost all couples stayed together for life, despite the problems and difficulties they could have. Today, however, the situation has changed a lot, so much so that we could almost say that we are at the opposite extreme.
We have gone from excessive tolerance to absolutely not putting up with anything that doesn't match our way of thinking, and this attitude is certainly not beneficial for the couple.
Accept the other person unconditionally, with their strengths and weaknesses, aware that the perfect man or perfect woman does not exist and will never exist, it is the first step in starting a satisfying relationship. It is natural that there are limits that we must have very clear in mind and that cannot be crossed, such as mistreatment, the cancellation of the other, the lack of respect or the deprivation of our individual freedom, in whole or in part.
When a love story ends, the feeling of desolation, emptiness and loneliness lingers inside us for a long time. We go through a phase of real "mourning" in which it is good to feel pain, because only that pain will help us to rebuild ourselves from the beginning.
Mourning goes through several stages that many of you will know: denial, anger, depression, acceptance… And we can experience all of them, or just some of them. There are people who do not process the loss adequately after the breakup, and this causes the pain to remain ingrained within us for too long, generating an emotional block.
What does it feel like after a breakup?
Closing a relationship can be extremely painful. You have spent days, months or years with that person, you have shared a piece or your whole life with them or with them. You know each other almost perfectly. You have mutual friends, you love your respective families and all of a sudden it all vanishes, almost overnight. How could you not feel pain?
That person who is so present in your life, who was the most important thing for you, is suddenly gone, and you know he may never come back. Of course this is a hard blow, and how. Your heart is shattered, you feel lost, you don't see an exit life and that feeling of emptiness takes hold of you.
But, despite everything, life goes on… The world doesn't stop spinning because your relationship is over and, therefore, the only thing you can do is keep walking.
The first thing you need to know and accept is that you will feel bad, very bad. Breakup, as we told you, hurts. But you must also understand that it is a normal process, and it is good that it is. You have to cry over that loss, get angry with the whole world, scream if you want… But only if these behaviors don't go on for too long.
Perhaps you will feel incomplete, you will think that your other half is gone forever and that you will never find anyone else like that person who has failed. You must realize that they are just thoughts, ideas that form inside your head and that they are the real culprits for your suffering.. The longer you dwell on these thoughts, the more they will grow and the deeper the pain they will cause you. Don't feed them.
How can you go back to being yourself after a breakup?
After you get over the mourning period we just described, you will begin to see things differently. Time is one of our main allies, but so is our mind, when he is able to think realistically. There is no point in time passing if you continue to feel incomplete and empty, to think that you have lost the love of your life, etc.
For this reason, you must force yourself to think consistently with reality and not feed hyper-romantic ideas or dramatize what happened to you, otherwise you will hurt yourself even more.
You have to stand up and stop thinking in an exaggerated and rigid way. The love of your life does not exist. There has never been a person in the world who is destined to become your soul mate, your half apple, or anything like that. What really matters is to feel good with the person with whom we decide to embark on a journey as a couple, in the present.
And you are neither alone nor empty: around you there are thousands of people you know, and just as many who are open to getting to know you. Of course, they will only be able to do this if you don't close in on yourselves. Even if you don't feel like it at all, you have to make an effort to go out with friends, see your relatives, call someone you haven't seen in a long time, do things you like and feel good about.
You will see that, in this way, you will gradually begin to feel better. Furthermore, by going out and being with other people, you may meet someone who interests you or come across new opportunities for work, travel, entertainment… You never know!
Take back control over yourself. It may be that your life as a couple has led you to leave aside activities that once fascinated you. It's time to start doing them again and get satisfaction from your interests. Very often when we have a partner we forget part of ourselves, and it is good to try to find each other as soon as possible. Your self-esteem will thank you.
Goals make sense of our life and help us move forward in a positive way.
The attitude must be not to stop, but to move forward; not to lock yourself in your misfortunes or wallow in negative thoughts. Only in this way will you be able to win the battle against that deep pain and come out strengthened. And, at the end of this journey, the other person will become just a memory. It may be more or less pleasant, but it will be nothing more than that: a memory.