Struggling with continuous unforeseen events, you fear losing the focus about your good habits? Read here to find effective solutions.
January has gone by for a while, but you are still, stuck: with the first day in the new year you have decided that you need to exercise every day and until last week you kept faith to your commitment.
Until last week.
But what happened last week?
"Well, Andre '... last week I had a little bit of everything ... my mom caught the flu and I had to help her, I had a lot to do at work, I had to organize my birthday to the surprise of my best friend and my cat had a nervous breakdown and smashed my sofa. "
And then what?
“Ehhhhhhhhh… (with at least nine 'H's, ndA). What do you want, I've lost the rhythm, I can't find myself anymore ... and then I'm so tired ... "
Here, this is a classic script that I happen to hear.
If it's not the cat to destroy your house, it is mom to climb on the sofa with her nails.
If she is not the one to take theinfluence it's you - reversing the order of factors does not change the product.
I had got some good habits, everything was fine and then… snif! The unexpected has come and now I lost the rhythm, I no longer know which way to turn.
Aware of the fact that the nervous breakdowns of cats, mothers, friends, colleagues and acquaintances are part of everyone's life (and so often they push one to tell one of these lies), I thought I'd write this article to put pen to paper a series of practical advice to deal with unexpected with the right attitude and keep focus about our habits.
Let's start by understanding what are the unexpected that you really have to face.
Unexpected: how to distinguish them?
1. Give us today our unexpected daily
In the meantime, put your heart in peace: unexpected events are naturally part of everyone's life. I repeat: ALL.
Even if your pet's sudden split personality seems like a more unique than rare case, each one has its weekly, if not daily, unexpected events. It can be something more annoying, like miss a plane, or minor annoyances such as staying stuck in traffic for an accident, but so be it. We must make peace with the idea that there are and that, rotary, can happen to us.
Without giving them undue importance: do not give these road accidents more mental and physical energy than they deserve. Place them in the right perspective.
2. To each his own
At this point, let's move on to practice.
Are you really sure that solving the problems brought about by the unexpected is up to you and only you?
There are unexpected of three categories.
- Those of the category A, which really just fall back on your shoulders (like the lost plane, or the flu taken) and which, like it or not, you and only you have to take care of.
- Those of the category B, which do not have a degree of exclusivity equal to those of category A, but it is possible that they still fall within yours interest and culture present in western Sicily "..
- And those of the category C-avolivostri, that is, those accidents that you assume the consequences for quiet living or why so far you've always done this, but which someone else could easily take care of. Example: if every time there has been some technical problem in your office, given your skills, you have dealt with it, this may not necessarily be normal. There are things that you can very well take care of in rotation, or taking over.
So, train yours assertiveness and when you feel that you want to entrust yourself with a task that is not yours, answer with confidence using one of the infinite variations of this formula:
"I'm sorry but right now I just can't. I have urgent work to complete. "
3. And the winner is…
Based on what we saw in point 2, every time a new unexpected occurs in your days, after having cold the mind, you should do the exercise of analyze and decide which category you fall into.
Some good questions can help you understand its degree of importance:
- I owe it to me by force to occupy io, or is there someone else who has the same skills and possibilities?
- What if the problem is not addressed by evening? It is serious or not?
- In case I take care of it, I would still have time to dedicate myself properly energy e caution the activities that are really important to me or the commitments I have made with myself?
- È related to my goals? That is, if I don't solve it, it can get in the way my projects? And instead, if I take care of it, can you bring me closer to my goals?
Based on the answers you give to these questions, you will immediately understand the degree of importance of that unexpected and how to act accordingly.
4. Hurry, bad counselor
Perhaps due to ancestral conditioning, it seems that we are programmed to face any unforeseen event that comes our way as quickly as possible.
The technique of "away the tooth, away the pain"It often seems to us the most functional way to get rid ofstumbling block: out of the way, we think we can finally dedicate ourselves to what we want to do.
The problem is that it is these unexpected guests who end up getting the our best energies and the most productive part of the day.
So, next time something external happens, try to go instead counter-current.
Andre ', what are you saying? Of course I breathe, otherwise I wouldn't be here reading you.
Well no. I give you great news: there are different moments in our life in which or we breathe badly or even we live of small apneas. And, coincidentally, these moments often coincide with the arrival of stressful events and our relative brooding.
Generally speaking, any specialty will tell you what the average man's breathing of 2020 is uncorrect e insufficient.
Of course, not enough to put our lives in danger. But it certainly doesn't oxygenate the tissues and the brain. And, consequently, ours lucidity in the long run it suffers, we get tired more and find it harder to keep calm in critical situations.
You know how different those little panting breaths typical of anxiety are from beautiful deep breaths What do you know you are doing when you are about to fall asleep?
Here, learning to breathe correctly can have incredible benefits in your life. If you want to find out how to do it, I refer you to this in-depth article: effective breathing techniques.
- Do the math.
Counting to ten, or even twenty, or making some short operations mathematics has the effect of activate the part of the brain more logical-rational. In fact, how many times do we face problems on the wave of often destructive emotions?
You will surely have that saying in mind:
"Do not promise when you are happy, do not answer if you are angry, do not decide while you suffer and do not act if you are not convinced."
There. Counting or doing simple arithmetic operations helps to call our logic into action, thus putting in the background negative emotions such as apprehension, anxiety, anger that often beset you when something unexpected happens.
Once you have calmed and cooled your mind, you can decide better, with more mastery of the situation, SE face the unexpected or not, and, if so, when to do it.
- Ask yourself how and not why.
Something happens that messes up your plans and you stop and damn your soul wondering why: because it happened just to you, why at that moment, why never to others and so on.
The right questions to ask instead begin with the 'like'.
- How can I do for solve the question?
- As I get out of it in the most effective way?
This way you will switch from humoral and negative thoughts to more target, sensible and oriented towards solution.
5. Plan your days based on the unexpected.
A mistake we often make when planning our days is to underestimate the amount of time we take for different commitments, so, as soon as we have unforeseen events, even small ones, our whole castle collapses without remedy and at the end of the day we find ourselves or overwhelmed by fatigue or unable to conclude what interests us.
My advice, therefore, is to foresee a portion of time (it can be the 30 or 40% of your working day) unscheduled, which will act as a buffer for any unforeseen events.
So you will be in control of the unexpected and not the other way around.
After the unexpected. How to stay positive and focused
It happened. The unexpected required your intervention, your utmost attention, given the urgency of the matter, and you missed the appointment with your good habit: you skipped the workout in the gym, you were so much hungry that you have profusely changed the menu provided by yours diet.
To do in these cases?
Here comes the game perseverance, one of the most important virtues to develop.
The ability not to give up in the face of a failure or an accident, the impulse to start over with energy is one of the most powerful ingredients of success.
Those who achieve their goals, in fact, are a person who has developed the right one mental stability and the ability to bounce back with reactivity in the face of unforeseen negative events.
- Do not give up
At the first point there is this.
Don't throw it all away on a missed date (in short, don't give in to the famous "effect who cares").
It's not like if you've avoided a couple of gym appointments then it's no longer worth going.
It is not true that if one night you ate a muffin with cocoa then it means that you are unable to follow a diet and it is better to resign yourself to being overweight.
In these cases the perfectionism exasperated is useless: it is better to keep a positive attitude and continue on your own path.
Didn't it once go? Take note and then from tomorrow it starts again. Always start over.
The problem is not the individual false step, the problem is if because of the many missteps you don't go back on your way.
The important thing, therefore, is to be able to keep faith with the next time to the commitment you have made with yourself.
2. 1% is enough
Sometimes there are situations that heavily put a spoke in the wheel. It can be accidents or difficult personal situations. When they resolve, they leave one aftermath of fatigue, bitterness, fatigue.
In these cases, you cannot expect to start over at the same pace as before.
The result would be just that of get overly stressed, eventually abandoning their goals due to physical and energetic limitations. It is much better to start over with small gradual efforts.
You proposed to run three times a week but then something went wrong and you find yourself physically in poor shape? Start over with one walk 30 min every other day. From week to week, you can step up the pace or speed. Until you get to the moment when the prospect of running will no longer seem difficult.
- Use the calendar
Don't just keep in mind the good habits you've set out to develop. Write them down on your agenda as you do for other commitments. Visualize it specificallyand, while it may seem like a small thing to you, it has a impact deep on your life.
Tell someone what you are committed to doing. Know your confidant he expects that you take that action will support yours motivation.
If you have been reading the contents of this site for a while, you will know that I love meditation very much, for i great benefits that it brings to our mind and body.
In addition to increasing the concentration and clean up our thoughts, a muscle that trains meditative practice is that of steadiness.
After an unexpected situation, I invite you to take a few moments for one little meditation.
Take a few minutes of silence, with your eyes closed, in a quiet place.
Try to keep your thoughts focus on one image: can be a object you have in the room, a color or a point. Whenever you find yourself thinking about something other than the intended object, take a deep breath and try to refocus.
This little meditative pause will have the effect of regenerate your mind from the tension generated by the unexpected situation, but not only: it will serve to strengthen your constancy.
If you would like to make meditation a habit, here I have collected a series of practical indications, developed with experience, to experience it to the fullest.
That's all for today.
As you have seen, in the article I have put together several strategies for you: of course, you don't need to implement them all at once.
Choose the ones that inspire you the most, or the ones that seem to work best for you.
And every time remember because you wanna get that good habit. Listen what effect does it have on you think about your goal.
I wish you a week of positive unexpected events,