Last update: 06 September, 2018
An unexpected breakup is a very painful experience. It is even more so when the flame of love continues to be lit. Almost everything that is imbued with love brings with it joy, but also suffering. They are the two sides of the same coin, an indissoluble unit that, if not managed well, can tear us apart.
Nonetheless, some people are able to eliminate the irrational beliefs about love, relationships, and emotional bonds that our culture instills in us. For them, love has no reason to cause suffering. In fact, Buddha said that the origin of all suffering is ignorance.
A considerable number of thinkers and spiritual teachers have researched and pondered the importance of thinking correctly in order not to feel bad. This can also be applied to relationships. Are we ignorant about love? In any case, it is important to learn to better manage everything related to love, relationships and an unexpected breakup. Let's explore the topic together.
Suffering for love
One suffers too much for love, this is the truth. Even those who pride themselves on getting along in love and getting along with their partner sometimes harbor doubts in the innermost part of themselves and insecurities. Small fears about one's future in the affective field.
Who among us hasn't suffered because of the wrong person? Perhaps due to a decline in desire or an unexpected breakup? There is nothing more sensitive than love. There is nothing more overwhelming and more vital. There are those who think, in fact, that giving up love means living less or not living at all.
Thus, when an unexpected break occurs, our life plans fade into a distant horizon. We feel like we are dying inside. Despair and disbelief take over us. We remain perplexed, immobile. The feeling of emptiness is devastating.
Is it possible to rationalize love?
There are those who argue that love should not be understood, but tried and enjoyed. There are those who believe that romanticism cannot tolerate any logic. Nothing more wrong. The sentimentalist attitude, besides being naive, is dangerous.
One of the main causes of "love sickness" arises mainly from irrational beliefs and unrealistic that we have elaborated on affection. Misconceptions about love are a major source of emotional suffering.
Rationalize love? That's right. Not in excess, just enough not to intoxicate us. Love must not only be tasted, but inserted into our system of beliefs and values. It needs to be ordered and adjusted to be friendly and close to neurons. We must teach him to fly, instead of cutting off his wings.
Lessons from an unexpected breakup
If we "understand" love and its logic, we will also be able to "understand" the wounds it causes. If we see the wolf coming, we will be better prepared to deal with it. Likewise, if we understand that something is wrong with our relationship we will be better prepared for a breakup. But what happens when an unexpected breakup occurs?
It can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences in a person's life. Nonetheless, there is a lesson to be learned from everything. From an unexpected breakup we can obtain valid teachings that allow us to grow. Some of them are as follows:
Nothing is forever
That's right, it's a law of life: everything that has a beginning also has an end. Some things end earlier, others later, but everything ends at some point. Two people may break up due to lack of desire, divergent goals, or communication problems. There are couples that last a lifetime, this is a fact, but when one of the two partners passes away, the romance ends. This is unavoidable.
We can't control everything
Some people live their lives in control of everything that happens around their relationship. They think that by being careful, they can avoid an unexpected breakup.
We cannot change certain things, even if we want to do it with all our strength. If our partner wants to leave us, he will do it without taking into account everything we can do.
You can live without a partner
Living without a partner is just as good an option as life as a couple. AndBoth options are possible and have both pros and cons. We all know the benefits of living with a partner. Being single, on the other hand, doesn't mean giving up on love.
Love can be found in many forms. Our well-being must not depend on another person.
Life is unpredictable (or at least not as predictable as we think)
This idea is related to the perception of control. After an unexpected breakup, we realize that life is unpredictable. We can make plans for the future and we have to make them, but we also have to leave a margin for improvisation and the unexpected.
Nothing is as terrible as we imagine it
It is important to learn to relativize things. Is suffering an unexpected breakup something terrible? How many terrible things do you think can happen to us? Being left by our partner isn't terrible. Terrible is having an incurable disease, a world war, the tragic or accidental death of the people we love most, etc.
Maybe we think that if our partner leaves us, our life will no longer make sense. Perhaps it will seem to us that we cannot survive and that we will drown in a bottomless pit. Maybe in the beginning it will be like this, but little by little the situation will become normal and we will return to the surface. This is little, but sure!