Unconditional love is essential for our children. In this article, psychologist Ursula Peron delves into this topic
Last update: October 28, 2022
When they ask us who were the people who made us feel loved the most, we often answer our parents or, at most, our grandparents. But why? What is so special about the love they give us and that makes us feel so protected? The secret is the unconditionality of this love. A sincere and unconditional love that does not speak to us of perfection, nor of expectations or errors, but only of acceptance. It is starting from this that we can understand why unconditional love for children is so important.
"If I didn't have love, I wouldn't be worth anything."
- Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians, 13: 1-
Unconditional love is the purest and most sincere expression of this feeling. This form of love is often reserved for one's children. It is an innate affection, which is revealed to a parent as soon as he sees his child being born.
An unconditional love that a child can hardly ever receive from someone else. A love given regardless of how it is, from one's mistakes and defects, without having to do anything but be oneself.
Unconditional love for children is of great value in their first years of life. Thanks to it, they develop a secure bond of attachment and a solid emotional structure.
A child who feels loved and protected will be able to explore the world and relate to others without fear, because he will know he can always rely on a safe haven in which to take refuge in case of need.
It is a love that confers stability, protection and security. Three ingredients needed to make the child feel good about himself as well as with others.
Signs of unconditional love for children
We are often convinced that we love our children unconditionally. But do they know? Are we able to convey this feeling? The truth is, sometimes they can perceive it differently. That's why it's important to always make sure how they feel. The following recommendations can help make them feel unconditionally loved by us:
- Tell the children how much you love them not just when things are going well.
- Don't make comparisons with siblings, friends or cousins. It is important to let our children know that we accept and love them as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses, and that the latter do not affect our love.
- Give them some time. Spending quality time with our children is very important. Sometimes, work doesn't allow us to spend as much time with them as we would like and leads us to wonder if the moments spent together were spent in the best way. We learn to ask them how they are, take their thoughts seriously and try to put ourselves in their shoes. In this way we will strengthen our bond. Another wonderful idea to spend quality time with our children is to find a common passion: a sport, cinema, drawing. Something that we are really passionate about, especially if done together.
- Communication. When we reprimand our children, we often do not even explain the reprimand to them. We say phrases like "don't go up there" or "don't do that", without explaining why. Doing so is very important to help them improve and understand our reproaches.
- Clearly distinguish their behavior. Children can be bad, but they are not bad. They may have fears, but that doesn't mean they are fearful. Pay close attention to the labels!
- Don't confuse love with over-protection. Unconditionally loving a child does not mean supporting him in everything he does or always trying to get him out of problems. The best thing in these cases is to help him find solutions by letting him put them in place, remaining on the sidelines ready to give him comfort in case of need.
We must not forget that unconditional love for children is deeply linked to the instinct of protection. However loving and open to dialogue we may be, if we don't attend to their basic needs for care, food, cleaning, study, and so on, we won't be giving them the unconditional love they really need.