Toxic Mothers: When Love Is Too Much

Who I am
Louise Hay

Author and references
Having a child is one of the greatest gifts a woman can receive but not all
they know how to express love assertively. There are mothers overprotective or who are prone to
controlling excessively so that they end up limiting freedom and le
potential of their children. In this case, they can be considered
"Toxic mothers" because their behavior, even if they do not want to
cause harm, ends up undermining the self-esteem of their children and limiting the
their potential. Toxic mothers are those who over-control their children by getting into
the smallest details such as the clothes that the clubs they visit wear
or the friends they choose. In addition, they often resort to handling to be in control, especially as the child grows and begins to make their own decisions. In some cases
they become very selfish turning into a real ordeal for the
child, who is torn between love for his mother and the feeling of suffocation
which causes his behavior.

Looking for an explanation

 One of the reasons these mothers behave this way is related
to the childhood that they themselves lived. By delving into their personal history
it often turns out that their childhood was overly controlled by
parents and who have even been humiliated or manipulated at times.Since many of us tend to repeat the teaching style to which
have been subjected, history repeats itself, but this time the victim becomes
the executioner. It is a cycle in which the mother practices the way of
nurturing and loving that was instilled in her when she was a little girl. In
indeed, it is curious that many of these women claim that their children shouldn't
never live the same experiences they did, but inadvertently
end up adopting a repertoire of behaviors they have always hated mothers
it is simply due to character and personological traits,
that is, they are women with such a strong character
and dominant who need to keep everything under control at all times. In these
cases, there is almost always some insecurity at the base, since the
control they exert over their children is a form of assertiveness that makes them
feel more confident.

How to deal with a toxic mother?

 The fact that a mother has such behaviors does not mean that
you don't love your children. However, children must learn to manage this
problem if they wish to have an independent life. How to do it? - Breaking the cycle of toxicity. When you are aware that your mother
exhibits controlling and manipulative behaviors one must intervene for
stop it. Always remember that putting off is worse, it is better to face the
problem as soon as possible. Let him know that you are old enough for
make your own decisions, which you will always be able to express
opinions but don't decide for yourself. - Set boundaries. Set a certain distance between her and you, which she can
be it economic, emotional, or communication, the idea is that you delimit
a territory to which only you will have access. This way you will stay
blocking excessive control and manipulation, and you will prove that you have
need for independence and privacy. - Learn to recognize manipulation. Recognize humiliation or excessive
control is easy, but handling things when it comes to handling
become more complicated since this is often masked. The case
more typical is when a mother pretends to be ill whenever her child wants
go out in the evening or when he says he's going to live alone. Obviously, for
to put an end to these behaviors one must learn to identify them.

- Be assertive and encourage communication. Try to open a space
where communication is assertive and you express your views and wishes
openly. After all, your mother loves you, the problem is she can't handle it
the best concern he feels for you. So, tell him how vi
feel and how much their behaviors limit you. You must always look for the
best solution for both.

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