Last update: Augusts 07, 2016
In today's society, the idea is widespread that the only thing that marks us is trauma. Without thinking much about it, we ignore the importance of other facts, such as loving and being loved, fossilizing ourselves on the idea that only negative things will leave a mark, a trace, a scar. Far from each other, we put aside love and possible emotional signs, without the possibility of reconciliation.
This is a real shame, since the reality of emotional signs can be very different from this conception, which seems to have been pulled out of a melodramatic film. But let's try to tackle the topic more concretely: what are we talking about when we refer to the idea that society has about it?
In general, and starting from what television, cinema and books do not cease to repeat, we can say that society believes that the emotional sign is the change that occurs in a person after experiencing a traumatic situation. A basically radical change without any connection with the previous personality of the protagonist.
As we said at the beginning, therefore, anything related to emotional signs is considered bad or painful. And what about the positive episodes? Of loving and being loved?
In search of love
The question is: what happens with positive events? Do they have to do with loving and being loved? Well, this question can be answered in various ways, but all the answers, from the first to the last, contemplate yes.
First of all, let's ask the right questions: Can positive facts affect our behavior, emotions and thoughts? For example, if something good happens to us, if they give us good news, or if we get a good job, will we notice any changes at this juncture?
If we consider personality as a concept composed of behaviors, emotions and thoughts, stable over time, can we say that if we could experience positive episodes for a sufficient time, they would mark us?
And can we say that loving and being loved is the most beautiful and pure (or among the most beautiful and pure) positive events in life? Perhaps it is one of the most powerful engines in man. It is strange to think that with all the neurons, hormones, behaviors, thoughts and feelings united with love, our personality is totally impervious for love to it.
Can we say, therefore, that if we love and if we are loved for a certain amount of time (which varies from person to person), our personality can change? Is love, when expressed correctly, an emotional sign?
An example of loving and being loved
Psychology has long dealt with love and the bond created between people; he cataloged the different types and made use of many distinct terms. But you will likely understand better how loving and being loved affects people through an everyday example:
Imagine that you have recently had a partner. You haven't had a relationship with someone for a long time and suddenly a person comes along and upsets your world a little or, at the very least, struggles to succeed, since, you like everyone, have your scars and find it hard to accept that you have fallen in love again after all that you have suffered. And then, "I'm no longer a teenager," you think.
As your relationship progresses, almost unwittingly, that urge to curb the fun and momentum fails. And so, while that person is busy secretly filling your heart's pool, you can't wait to jump into it. And you end up doing it over and over, with ever greater impetus.
Finally place that person in a corner of your heart, your life is pure joy. That individual becomes a part of your mental pattern, your idea of happiness, and your life expectancy. Be yourself again, without taboos, without secrets. If you go to live together, you see habits, nonsense, small couple games, rituals that you end up relativizing and accepting, even if they are more or less annoying.
As if by magic, discover aspects of yourself that you thought were non-existent, forgotten or past. Empathy towards one's partner. Concern for his well-being. That feeling of an upset stomach, whereas before you always had a steady nerve. The desire to share and have fun. And most importantly, a goodness within you that you believed impossible, too incredible to be true.
Basically, we rediscover ourselves changed. We do not change because of that person, to whom everything about us appears beautiful, but because of that new feeling generated in our mind and in our heart. In fact, we change and accept change, with joy and gratitude, forgetting fears and overcoming scars and traumas. We create a sign that is much deeper than the previous ones, more visible and, of course, much more beautiful.
Why all this effort?
Throughout the article we have tried to convince ourselves that love has greater power over our psyche and personality than negative episodes. This may or may not be true; it is necessary to analyze all the factors of both types of events. So why all this effort?
For justice. Justice towards this emotion, healthy relationships and positive feelings. Every day we encounter situations in which negative emotions are generated, stereotypes about loving and being loved, arguments that stop us from jumping into that pool, latent fears, limits to our ability to be happy in the couple.
This is a message of encouragement dedicated to all those who are hesitant to launch or not, who tend to focus on past scars and who would like to jump in, but do not dare. After all, why not let yourself be marked by one or two more emotional marks? But this time, let them be beautiful and positive signs.
In this way, we will not only feel grateful and proud of our feelings and emotional signs, but we will also be aware, through experience, of how we have become. A being who is based on love and being loved.