When is criticism destructive?Criticism is destructive when: - It is directed at the person, not at their behavior - It generates a sense of guilt - It does not allow you to grow and learn - It is based on the "right way" of doing things - It focuses on denigrating the other What it really hides criticism? Basically, we criticize to defend and feed our ego. Criticism does not arise only from a disagreement with certain behaviors, ideas or attitudes, but from the often unconscious desire to denigrate the other, because doing so increases our value (or so we think). , so criticism becomes a way to boost our ego, albeit artificially. Criticism always includes an unspoken message: we are better. From this perspective, criticism is simply a lack of confidence in ourselves, it is an expression of the need to reaffirm our egos, even if it means disqualifying others. , many of the overly critical people were often also widely criticized in childhood, so they took criticism as a relational model. Since their self-esteem has been damaged with destructive criticism, they have a deep need to feed their ego.The interesting fact is that even as we criticize it to feed our ego by trying to make the other person look worse. , what we actually convey is an image of insecurity, pride and mental rigidity. We cannot forget that criticism always implies a value judgment. We have done an analysis and we have come to the conclusion that the behavior or attitude is not acceptable, it is not part of our mental schemes and it does not fit into our value system.When we begin to criticize, a pattern of aggression is activated within us and denigration. In this situation we forget that, if we were really better, we would not criticize but would try to help. The truth is that destructive criticism does not allow anyone to grow, neither to those who criticize nor to those who are criticized.
How to stop criticizing?Stopping criticizing is difficult. We have been doing this for many years and it comes almost automatically. Also, the fact that the people around us constantly criticize doesn't help. It's like trying to quit smoking by living in a smoking environment. But it is possible to force yourself to do this even for just one day.
1. Accept the world as it is. And period. Remember a Buddhist saying: "It is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the world." If you don't like something, you won't change it by criticizing it, actions, not words, change the world.
2. Get rid of expectations. Having unrealistic expectations about the world causes us to be disappointed, so we will be more likely to criticize. Learn to live less in your mind and more in reality.
3. Be empathetic. Before criticizing, put yourself in the other person's shoes. You may not share their behaviors or attitudes, but at least you understand them. Remember that criticizing is easy, putting yourself in someone else's shoes is more complicated. Finally, make this Buddhist principle your mantra: “Don't pay attention to the things others do or don't do, pay attention to what you do or stop doing. do you ".
What do you feel when you stop criticizing?The most unhappy people in the world are those who constantly criticize, those who live projected outwards and transform themselves into judges, because looking inside terrifies them. So, quitting criticizing is a huge step in the world of personal growth. What will you gain with this change?- A huge peace. When you stop criticizing you start to feel calmer because suddenly you stop looking at the world as if you were a judge and you start to truly enjoy the good things that happen to you.
- You rediscover yourself. If instead of criticizing you ask yourself what you would have done in a similar situation and answer honestly, you will discover aspects of yourself that you probably didn't even know you had. These are characteristics that we normally deny but which show that we are not as perfect as we thought.
- You feel safer. Interestingly, when you stop criticizing, you get rid of the influence that other people's criticisms have on us. When you release others from your approval, you also release yourself. Therefore, you will feel more confident, you will have more confidence in your abilities and you will be less influenced by the opinions of others.