Thinking badly: when there is total distrust

"Thinking badly hurts, but you always get it right!" said the ancients. But is it really so? A comment, a gesture, a piece of news, an image… All situations are subject to multiple interpretations. Reality is not unique, but passes through the filter of our expectations, desires and ways of understanding the world. Some people, however, are constantly nitpicking, are constantly prone to think badly about what others are doing and be wary of their intentions.

Life will give you what you expect, no more, no less

Distrustful people often expect negative things from others. They believe that everyone will betray them, that others will always act out of double intentions or that they will take advantage of the slightest opportunity to stab them in the back.

The problem is that, eventually, this mistrust materializes. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, when people constantly distrust others, that distrust ends up affecting their relationships. In fact, they are likely to maintain more superficial relationships marked by suspicion. And it is also likely that they themselves are not sincere in their intentions and that it is difficult for them to share ideas and emotions. The lack of authenticity and sincerity will creep into the relationship.

If these people are constantly preparing for the worst, the worst will come sooner or later, because if they continually misunderstand the words and behaviors of others, it is likely that those around them will eventually tire and abandon them.

There is no doubt that sooner or later someone will hurt us. But someone is not everyone. It is important to note the difference and not to generalize. We must not anticipate the facts thinking that everyone wants to hurt us because we will only end up misunderstanding their comments, attitudes and behaviors, constantly seeing threats where there are none. And living like this is not living.

Where does the tendency to think badly about others arise?

Thinking bad about others can have different origins, but the function is always the same: to prevent someone from hurting us. If we have experienced many disappointments in the past, it is likely that we will have a tendency to think badly of others. You always start to distrust others and their intentions as part of a mechanism to protect yourself. Obviously, the more disappointments we have suffered and the deeper the emotional wounds they have left us and the greater our distrust.

This trend can also originate in our parents. If they have conveyed to us the idea that the world is a hostile place, where everything is allowed and nobody cares about us, if they have repeated to us to the point of exhaustion that people will deceive us as soon as they can, that friends are not really friends. and that we must always sleep with one eye open, we are likely to grow suspicious, even if we have not had direct experience confirming these fears.

In fact, a study conducted at the University of California revealed that people with a paranoid tendency, prone to distrust others and believe in conspiracies, experience more feelings of alienation and hostility, as well as thinking that they are always at a disadvantage compared to others. and they feel they have no control over their life.

This means that always expecting negative things from others can lead to more suffering and anxiety, and does not always help us protect ourselves better because these worries are often maladaptive and do not give way to a plan of action, but keep us trapped in a circle. vicious of negativity. And, incidentally, in this way we will also make the other suffer.

How to deal with suspicious people?

Those who live together or interact with suspicious people on a daily basis will need an extra dose of patience and tolerance. Often these people make us feel like we are walking a tightrope, forcing us to be on a permanent state of alert because we don't know how they will interpret our comments or attitudes.

It is also important to try to understand why that person is wary. Has he suffered many disappointments in his life? Relating starting from empathy it can help soften the friction, put us in that person's place, and be a little more understanding. If a person fears that we will harm him, it is normal for him to try to protect himself.

In our daily life, it is also essential that we avoid falling victim to misunderstandings, excessive distrust or even cynicism. Thinking badly about others will cause us to be constantly in tension and lead us to loneliness.

We have to understand that every person we know deserves treatment that starts from scratch and it does not have to bear the heavy burden we carry on our shoulders. There is a middle ground between being cautious and being suspicious or suspicious. This does not mean that we will give the house keys to someone we have just met, but also that we will not continually test them into thinking that they have negative intentions. In the long run, the main beneficiary of this shift in perspective will be ourselves.

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