Last update: Augusts 07, 2017
Some people manage to untie the knot of any difficulty and to make us laugh to tears. They do it without any gain, because life for them has music, rhymes and is simple. Others, on the other hand, argue for a trifle and darken about everything, they only see walls where others see bridges, attracting storms during the days of quiet and unmotivated anger that causes distance.
Why are human relationships so complex? We could say that it would always be better to avoid people who love to alter our psychological balance and be alone with those who give us joy. However, this elementary principle of health cannot always be applied, because to live together, you need to understand the perspectives of others and, first of all, one must learn to survive in any scenario, be it populated by noble beings or angry dragons.
“You have to face life with love and humor. With love to understand it and with humor to endure it "
Sometimes the person who argues for everything has depression; at other times the person who laughs at everything actually applies an aggressive or even self-destructive mood. Each behavioral style has its extremes and, above all, its meanings. We have to understand them, we have to be wise readers and translators of these alien worlds that orbit our own influencing us with their eclipses and their tides...Who laughs at everything… is he always happy?
Peter McGraw is a psychologist at the University of Colorado and is known for creating the "mood laboratory". This department studies, for example, the impact of mood as a therapy and the use of laughter as a “medicine” to improve the quality of life of chronically ill or cancer patients. Science supports these initiatives, although it has been shown that, more than laughter, what improves the days of these patients are their attitude, their optimism and their inner strength.
Similarly, in his theory, Dr. McGraw differentiates 4 types of mood. Many of the people who laugh at everything are not always happy, they are not always the reflection of an adequate inner well-being. It is worth delving into these categories to better understand the dynamics we witness every day.
- Aggressive mood. This practice is very common in those who make us laugh using irony and the most cynical sarcasm, through which they reify or ridicule third parties.
- Mood as a means of self-improvement. This form of mood is one of the healthiest as it is very useful for managing stress. Thanks to it, the person is able to laugh at himself to relativize a bad day, a mistake made, to ironize a defect that he cannot improve or even to make a certain moment less tense.
- Self-aggressive mood. It would be the other side of the coin of the mood trying to improve us. In this case, we use aggression against ourselves because of low self-esteem, depression or because we try to victimize ourselves and attract the attention of those around us.
- Affiliation mood. Finally, there is the most vivifying, useful and wonderful mood, the one that proceeds from those who make us laugh with the aim of strengthening the bond that exists between us, to foster complicity, to give happiness, connection and real well-being.
Having looked at this classification, it is clear that when we say that someone has a great sense of humor we need to know what kind of humor they really put into practice and how it affects others. We all found ourselves laughing, but at the same time experiencing a strange and annoying sensation, as if we instantly sensed a malicious shadow.
Who argues for everything ... enjoys making life so complicated for others?
Tal Ben-Shahar, professor of Positive Psychology at Harvard University is known as the "guru of happiness". His numerous publications on emotions and moods are always an interesting contribution to better understand certain behaviors such as, for example, what lies behind people who argue for everything and who seem to enjoy so much in complicating and complicating the lives of children. other?
The answer is simple: unhappiness. Behind this bleak word - no one deserves to sink into this abyss - there is a kaleidoscope of badly managed, badly addressed, badly resolved dynamics. For example, poor ability to tolerate frustration, poor problem-solving strategies, unrealistic expectations, no exit from the tunnel, no reflective thinking, low self-esteem, emotional intelligence below the minimum levels ...
A moment like this can happen to everyone, complex vital moments during which one or more detonators end up debilitating us. leading us to see problems everywhere, to lower the blinds of our positivity and to transform any conversation into a discussion. We can all fall into the lagoons of despair and the pipes of malaise, this is respectable and understandable. However, it is mandatory to emerge from these toxic waters to find ourselves.
To do this, we need willpower and self-control. We must not fall into victimhood, it is just a matter of picking up the broken pieces and, as if we were skilled craftsmen, repair each of them with the glue of self-esteem and the paint of motivation. In this way, we will also understand that not all people who laugh are happy and those who argue for everything are not always a "lost case". We can all heal, we can all find balance and happiness.
