Last update: February 14, 2016
Who hasn't wanted to feel like a princess at least once? Who hasn't felt dying when a love has left him? Who hasn't been in the skin at the thought of the arrival of that prince charming who, however, never arrives?
The human being has a double-edged sword called fantasy. Thanks to the imagination, we were able to make great discoveries, create wonderful stories, songs, etc.
However, we often make the mistake of believing certain imaginary ideas and taking them for granted, as if they were quite true and real when, in reality, it never was and never will be. This is the case with hyper-romanticism.
Fantasy is fine for fairy tales, but it goes without saying that real life is far from looking like a fairy tale and we don't even need it to be.
Love and fantasy
Nowadays we have a problem with the theme of love. We have always believed that finding love as a couple is one of the most important goals of our life because, without it, we could never be happy individuals.
We have associated happiness with romantic love, with "true" love, with "without you I am nothing"
Our society and our culture tell us that, without the other half of the apple, we will be incomplete beings, of the wretched, condemned to unhappiness and loneliness. And the problem is that we have appropriated these ideas and that is why we suffer so much for love.
Our fear of being alone, of not having a person next to us who loves us unconditionally, as we love her, is so intense that we give in to certain irrational and harmful behaviors for us themselves and also for our partner.
In the name of love, we are capable of abandoning ourselves, to disrespect us, to carry out actions that end up destroying our dignity and making us lose our individual freedom, our tastes, our dreams ...
Where do hyper-romantic ideas come from?
If we stop for a moment to reflect on certain films or certain books, we will realize how those lovers are even capable of sacrificing their lives for love, as if it were the only source of gratification that exists and which we cannot do without.
Since we are very young, we have seen how the princesses anxiously waited for their prince charming to come and save them from a rather unfortunate life.
If that prince does not arrive at all, it is not conceivable for them to enjoy life. All of this has instilled in us the harmful idea of dependence on others.
We can see another very clear example of this in the songs. Almost all songs talk about romantic love and verses are sung like: "give me back my life", "without you I die," if you go, I miss the air ", etc.
We do not deny that they are beautiful songs that everyone can enjoy, but we insist, the imagination must have a limit.
“I love you because I want to love you, because I have chosen you and I like being by your side, not because you are indispensable for my happiness. I don't need you, I prefer you ... "
We are neither princes nor princesses and we are not in a fairy tale. This is real life and if we want to be happy, we have to stick to reality.
Love is nothing more than a set of chemical reactions that, one day, whether we like it or not, will stop taking place. And this is neither good nor bad, it is simply normal.
Feelings don't last forever, they're not eternal as the songs say. The idea of a love that is forever, that is indestructible and perfect does not exist and if we persist in wanting to live a fairytale, we will suffer a lot the day when something breaks in our relationship.
Agree with these ideas, the day we are abandoned you are very likely to end up in emotional dependence, in irrational jealousy and depression.
Our mind is telling us that we need someone to be happy. We cannot distinguish desire from necessity and, because of this, we have two very negative experiences:
- We suffer a lot of anxiety in the endless search for that someone who has to "get us out of the well". This will be the source of many disappointments and failures, which will make us feel like we are unfortunate.
- Once we find that someone, the possibility of losing him will haunt us and therefore we won't even be able to enjoy that relationship.
How should we behave?
We must be aware of the fact that no one needs anyone else to be well. Mature, enduring, healthy couples don't tell themselves that if they're not together forever, they're a failure.
They like to be together, they want each other, they love each other, but they don't need each other at all. If things don't go well tomorrow, life will offer them thousands of new opportunities.
This is true love and this is what we should tell each other:
"I love you, but I don't need you. I love you in freedom, because I like being with you, because we have fun being together.
But not because I need someone close to me, not because I'm afraid of loneliness, not because I depend on someone coming to save me. Not because he needs to complement me, because I am already a complete being, with my defects and my virtues.
I don't care if you are there or if you are not. I don't need you, I just love you
I love you, but I am the most important person to myself. I'll give you a lot of me, but I'll stay far from getting lost in doing it. If we are happy when we walk together, supporting and helping each other, then fine. Otherwise, that's okay.
I want to kiss you when we get up in the morning and when we go to bed in the evening, I want to hug you tightly, I want to build a future by your side, I want to hear an "I love you" coming from your lips, I want to travel with you and enjoy life ...
I want, I just want… but that doesn't mean I need it".