The wall of silence in the couple

Who I am
Robert Maurer

The wall of silence in the couple

All couple relationships are subject to change, therefore to adaptations. The problem arises when it is impossible to adapt to the new conditions and inadequate strategies are employed in an attempt to recover the previous condition.

Last update: 03 November 2022

Relationships are by no means simple, at least that's what some people think. Perhaps because the wall of silence is already present in their relationship, but they haven't noticed yet.

Through a short story, we will tell you about the request for space that hides behind the partner's wall of silence and that triggers the fear of abandonment. We will also understand that no matter how hard we try to tear down that wall, sometimes it is necessary to respect the times of the other.

Short story about the wall of silence

Alice did not understand what was happening to Giacomo. For some days it had been strange, much quieter than usual and this, for her, was a signal of distance. When she asked him what she had, her answer was always the same: "nothing".

The situation, as the days passed, did not improve at all. Alice was becoming more and more tense and nervous and Giacomo seemed to get further away every day. He told her that he was all right, that he just needed to be with himself for a while. But to Alice, all of this seemed incomprehensible… as well as arousing in her the doubt that something was wrong with the relationship.

Because he needed to be alone? Was something bad going on? Wasn't she happier? Alice's insistence and her constant questions did not change the situation. Giacomo needed space, some time for himself, and Alice couldn't understand it.

The inability to understand the need to give space to the other can generate serious conflicts within the couple if this circumstance is not solved.

Insecurity in the relationship

Alice had become insecure; also because of his personal interpretation of Giacomo's behavior. He still didn't understand why he needed more time for himself. Faced with a situation he didn't understand, his response was to try to change it.

Which is why he tried with all his might to break down the wall of silence. For Alice, the words "time for myself" or "space" were synonymous with distancing and this caused her a great deal of anxiety.

The constant requests and the wall of silence

Since Alice didn't give Giacomo the space he needed, him it began to entrench itself behind a wall of silence and to close itself more and more. Alice tried to bring him down with all her strength, trying to shorten her distance.

The solution might seem simple from our point of view: if Alice had changed her strategy and had chosen to give Giacomo the space he needed, things would probably have worked out themselves.

Yet, Alice's anxiety and coping strategy helped damage the relationship. But let's remember that this is our point of view, as spectators.

The importance of space in a relationship

All couple relationships go through a phase of falling in love in which we tend to share a large number of activities. A sort of ideal state, in which one is dominated by a strong feeling for the other, which is considered the greatest good, and with which one would like to spend one's life forever; sacrificing his own if necessary.

Over time, however, both members of the couple need to recover a part of that shared space for themselves. Having uncommon friends or doing activities alone.

If we find ourselves in a moment of transition between the two phases, it would be constructive to consider whether we already carry out some activity that does not involve the partner. Each person, in fact, needs their own space and the most important aspect in this regard is to achieve a certain balance.

"The couple is made up of two people who share their happiness, not two people who become one."


To conclude

The need for space is by no means synonymous with crisis or end of relationship, but rather the opposite. It is essential to avoid a sense of lack of freedom.

Each couple is a universe of its own, therefore, the need for personal space varies considerably. Some couples are happy while maintaining a small personal space, others with a much larger space. It all depends on your balance.

In any case, it is important to approach the situation with different strategies from those adopted by the character in our story. If we can't do it on our own, we can always rely on a professional.

This will help us to adopt a detached perspective, as spectators, to identify the problem and will provide us with the tools to regain the lost balance without compromising the relationship.

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