Most of us struggle our whole life worrying too much about things we don't deserve. Time to learn the ... subtle art of giving a damn.
Mark Manson is undoubtedly one of the most talented bloggers in the personal growth landscape and his book, "The subtle art of doing whatever the hell you want“, Has been the industry's undisputed bestseller in recent years, with more than 6 million of copies sold all over the world.
However, many do not know that that book has a very specific origin ... it all started with an article from 2015, entitled: "The subtle art of not giving a fuck”And to date considered one of the most read and shared online articles ever.
With permission from Mark I am hosting here on GetPersonalGrowth the first version of that famous article.
If you get along with English, I invite you to read both the post and the book in the original language: Manson in fact has a unique style and the incisiveness of his writings is often lost in the translations of the various publishing houses.
As for me, I tried to keep the spirit of the article intact, allowing myself a freer translation that better suited the context.
… And yes, Mark is definitely not "politically correct" and uses a lot of bad words!
There are those who are deeply annoyed by them and those who find them a fun kit.
As for me, I always try to separate form and substance: on the first I am an agnostic (de gustobus non est disputandum), on the second one I do not discount anyone and if I have decided to host this piece by Manson it is because I believe it has a message really powerful to pass on to you.
Enjoy the reading!
Why you should learn to fuck more
In my life I have worried about a lot of things and a lot of people. But I also gave a damn about a lot of things and a lot of people. And what I fucked up he did all the difference in this world.
It is no coincidence that many are convinced that the key to having more self-esteem and more success is just “not giving a damn”.
And that's why we admire people who have this attitude:
- “Have you seen Anna? Everyone made fun of her for her YouTube videos and now it has millions of views! It was great to not care! "
- “You heard that Luca gave the cog ** one to that incompetent of his manager and did it still get a promotion from the CEO himself? He sure doesn't give a damn! "
- “Did I tell you about Laura? She took it, got up and ended her first date with that balloon Giovanni after only 20 minutes. Damn, that girl really has guts! "
In short, it is likely that you know someone who on more than one occasion has given a damn, obtaining incredible results.
Maybe there was even a moment in your life when you decided to give a damn and hit unexpected goals.
As far as I'm concerned, quit my job at the bank after just six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling tips online to be successful with women was one of the most important "who cares" moments of my life.
Not to mention that time I sold everything I owned and moved into South America.
Did I go through sleepless nights before I made up my mind? No. I just did it!
Now… learning to care, in theory, may seem simple, but in practice it is not at all.
For years we've gotten used to worrying about a lot of things that don't deserve it at all:
- We take it for the gas station who gave us back the change of 7 euros in 700 comfortable cents.
- We take it because Netflix did not renew that series that we liked so much.
- We take it because ours colleghi they haven't asked us yet how we spent our fairytale weekend.
- We take it because it is put to to rain that one day of the year when we finally decided to go running.
Flapping everywhere. As if it were raining. Flapping scattered through the air like pollen on a fucking spring day.
To protect our delicate ego? To satisfy our childish whims? To beg for a pat on the back?
The real problem ...
You know, that's the problem my friend.
We do a lot of mental blowjobs for any shit because we believe it is our inalienable right to be happy and pampered all the time. And it's this belief that fucks us great.
Worry aboutessential and not giving a damn about everything else is a rare talent and would make our life damn easier.
I failures they would be less scary.
I waste they would be less painful.
Le unpleasant needs they would become more tolerable.
And those unpleasant m *** a sandwiches that every now and then life trims us would become a little tastier.
I mean, if we just gave a little less to the shit and worried a little more about what really matters, our life would be much easier.
Fucking it is an art
People aren't born with the ability to give a damn about the superfluous.
Indeed, the opposite is true.
We are born giving importance to the most insignificant things.
Have you ever seen a child whimpering because mom forgot her favorite hat and the only one available is a bit faded blue?
There. Fan that baby! ;-)
Learning to control and manage what we pay attention to is the very definition of strength of character e integrity.
Perfecting this skill takes years, if not decades, as happens with the best wines.
[2011 vintage full-bodied shakes]
In reality, most of us, most of the time, are sucked into the insignificant little things of life and paved with tiny existential tragedies; we live - and die - of side notes, distractions e negligible situations.
You can't go on living like that. You can't make a mountain out of any pebble. Your life can't be a bad bet on Beautiful.
Time to change. Let me show you how ...
Subtlety # 1: Not caring about it doesn't mean being indifferent. It means not being afraid of being different
For many people, giving it a fuck means achieving some sort of perfect e serene indifference towards everything and everyone, an innate sense of calm that resists any storm.
But that's not the case at all.
There is nothing to admire in the indifferent.
The indifferent are weak people e afraid.
Are the keyboard lions shoveling me ** on anyone, without ever having achieved anything in their life.
Are the sofa columns yelling at the athletes on television to run more.
These people use indifference as an armor, because they actually take it out on a lot of things.
They are afraid of the world and the consequences of their choices. So, they don't choose anything.
They are selfish people full of self-pity who hide in an emotionless gray pit that they dug for themselves, perpetually distracting themselves from this unpleasant thing that steals their time and energy: life.
Lately, my mother she was scammed by a friend who took a large sum of money away from her.
Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged, sipped coffee and watched another Game of Thrones series.
But no, I was pissed off.
I said: “Oh no, mom, with the ***! Now let's go to the lawyer and show this bitch to him. Because? Why do I care! "
I hope this episode helps you understand this first subtlety.
Learning to give a damn does not mean being indifferent to everything and everyone.
On the contrary, it means that in the face of your most ambitious goals ...
- You don't care difficulties.
- You don't care if someone gets pissed off seeing you become there better version of yourself.
- You don't care who gets between you and what you think right, important o noble.
Really giving a damn means looking failure right in the eye and showing him the middle finger once again. It means having a laugh about the last fall and trying again. It means moving forward despite everything and everyone because you know that what you are doing is right and that it is more important than any momentary discomfort, your pride or a moment of embarrassment.
To do this, you have to learn how to send everything that doesn't matter to you, and reserve your worries only for what really matters.
- friends. The family. Your true purpose. The pizza.
Subtlety # 2: To get rid of difficulties you must first beat yourself up for something more important than difficulties
[Here's a guy who sticks up for something he cares about]
Eric Hoffer once wrote:
“Usually a man minds his own business when he has something important to worry about. Otherwise you free your mind by doing other people's business. "
The problem with people making a tragedy of anything is that they really have nothing more important to worry about.
Imagine you are in a grocery store.
There is an old lady yelling at the cashier, berating him for not taking hers discount coupon of 30 cents.
Why do you think this lady is so concerned about this? After all, it's only 30 cents!
Well, I'll tell you why.
That old lady probably he has nothing better to do than sitting at home every day cutting discount coupons for shopping.
Maybe she is old and alone.
Her children are bullheads who never visit her.
He hasn't had sex for over 30 years.
He takes the minimum pension and will probably die in a diaper thinking he is in Gardaland.
As soon as she goes out of her body, she gets a lot of back pain.
And he can't even watch TV for more than 15 minutes without falling asleep or forgetting the plot.
So cut coupons.
That's all he has in life.
Her and her damn coupons.
All day, every day.
That's all he cares about because he has nothing else important to worry about.
And so when that pimply XNUMX-year-old cashier refuses to take one, when he defends the purity of his chest like the knights defended the virginity of maidens, you can bet, man, that granny will explode and smash his fucking face. .
Eighty years of frustration will rain down all at once (a deadly hail of "In my day!" And "People showed more respect!"), While she will bore the whole neighborhood to death with her rickety voice.
If you find yourself constantly picking on every dog poop that bothers you - the new one profile picture of your ex, remote control batteries of the tv that they download every time they give out your favorite teleshopping of mattresses - it's possible that right now you don't have more important things that are worth bothering about.
And this is your real problem.
Not the fact that your current mattress doesn't have 32 different reclining positions.
Subtlety # 3: We can only worry about a limited number of things; pay attention to who and what you reserve your concussions
[A girl who carefully evaluates her own flutters]
When we are young, we have tons of energy.
Everything is new and exciting. And it all seems so important.
Reason why we value any.
We care about everything and everyone - we care about what people say about us, we care about that cute boy / girl and that he read our last message without replying to us yet, we care about coordinating the socks with the nail polish, we care about the color of our birthday balloons.
As we age, we acquire experience and we begin to notice that most of these things don't count for shit.
We have now forgotten the opinions of those people to whom we attached so much importance.
We found out what it really means I will love and we smile for the sleepless nights spent waiting for a text message that never arrived.
We understand that only the mediocre people they give importance to the superficial aspects.
Basically, as we grow up we learn to become more selective and we start worrying only about what really matters.
Technically this thing is defined 'maturity'.
It's beautiful, you should try it sometime.
As we mature we discover that it doesn't make much sense to take it for everything.
Life, after all, is what it is.
We learn to accept it, including defects.
We realize that maybe we won't find the cure for cancer, we won't travel to the moon, and we won't touch Jennifer Aniston's boobs.
But that's okay. It goes on.
And to our amazement we understand that this is enough for us. This simplification, actually, makes us fucking happy.
One day, much later, we wake up and we are old.
And along with our gums and our sexual appetites, our ability to take it for any bitch has also receded and disappeared.
In the twilight of our days, we live an 'paradoxical existence.
We no longer have the energy to worry about life's big problems, so we find ourselves bumping into small everyday problems: the adhesive to use for our dentures, the appointment with the urologist, the 30 cent discount coupons for the supermarket , stay awake at the wheel when exiting the super parking lot to avoid leaving a square full of orphans.
You know, the usual practical everyday worries.
Then comes the fateful day when we find ourselves on deathbed, surrounded (hopefully) by those people we've beaten the most in our lives.
And among the tears, the muffled sounds of the electrocardiogram and the fluorescent light of the hospital that engulfs us like a divine halo, we will slip into an unknown void and no more fluttering.
Namastè, little shit.