We all, from time to time, have set a goal
which we failed to achieve because we ran out of motivation along the way. In fact, people continually try to change their habits and, after days or weeks of effort, they step back and pick up on the old ones. Why? Most people think it is due to a lack of motivation. In fact, it is true that when we find the right motivation, everything becomes easier. But it doesn't all come down to motivation. There is a secret ingredient that is often overlooked. In reality, the problem is not the lack of motivation, but the underlying mentality that ends up compromising it.
Self-indulgence: The key to solving problems and developing new habits
When most people think in terms of motivation, they make an association with rewards and punishments, the carrot and the stick. And when it comes to health-related habits, we think about all the carrots we will have to eat. And that is precisely the problem. At this point, the only logical conclusion is that we need more discipline to achieve our goal. So we are willing to pay a trainer to torture us in the gym. If we can't keep up the pace of training at home, someone will force us, discipline us elsewhere. Ironically, we are our own worst judges. When we break the diet or fail to deliver the project on time, because we continually postpone it, we inflict exemplary punishment. In these cases, however motivated we may be, punishment can devastate our motivation. When we blame ourselves, we also question our motives. At that moment we hesitate and wonder if we have what it takes to achieve our goal.This way of thinking is based on a common misconception: the belief that the secret of people who achieve goals by changing bad habits is to have discipline. bombproof. We believe these are people who "torture" themselves to get the best of themselves. However, a study conducted by researchers at Bishop University and involving 3.252 people revealed that those who are able to create positive habits and change their lives, in reality they are not more or less motivated than others and do not even benefit from an extra dose of discipline. What allows them to achieve their goals is theself-indulgence
Self-indulgence is the ability to forgive our mistakes, accept our behaviors and shortcomings. Being self-indulgent with ourselves means treating ourselves with the kindness, love, and understanding with which we would treat a friend or child. It is not self-pity, as this concept is related to people who feel guilty, avoid criticism and do not accept the truth about themselves.However, according to these psychologists, the people who manage to change their habits are those who practice self-indulgence, which do not punish themselves continuously and do not scold themselves every time they make a mistake. They are the ones who wonder how they could do things differently. This way of relating to themselves separates them from the "loser" mode and allows them to function much more effectively to solve problems. Instead of thinking: "I should stop being so lazy and force myself to go to the gym" they think in terms of solutions: "I'm very tired because I got little sleep last night, today I have to go to bed early to be in shape and go to the gym tomorrow. ”These people do not see the situation as the ratification of a personal weakness, but as a problem that needs to be solved. It is what is known as: "Problem Solving Mindset".
People who think this way leave emotions out of the equation and commit to analyzing the situation more objectively. Instead of judging and criticizing themselves, they see the facts, uncover the causes, and seek a workable solution.Instead of being hard on themselves and adding more pressure, they are self-indulgent and focus on finding the conditions for them to function better and achieve their goals. There is no use in punishing and self-pitying.
What is the key to being self-indulgent?
A good strategy is to think that inside you is a scared child. When you feel disappointed in your behavior because you have not applied the necessary discipline, think about what you would say to that child. How would you treat him? Would you yell at him, criticize him and damage his self-esteem by making him feel bad or would you encourage him to seek a solution and move on? Treat yourself as you would treat that child. Your mistakes are a source of learning, not a reason to punish yourself.