The priceless pleasure of smiling for what made us cry

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Robert Maurer

The priceless pleasure of smiling for what made us cry

Last update: May 13, 2017

The lives of all of us have been marked by many difficult times. Moments in which we felt bitter or that brought a disappointment that we did not expect. Moments related to particular circumstances, but also to important people; moments that, overnight, completely upset a relationship. And they did it without giving us the time to evaluate the how and why, even when we had put all the effort in the world to resolve the situation.

In the lives of all of us there have been people who have used our moment of crisis to put a dagger in our back. And then it fell to us to pay the consequences, especially when we were blind to the evidence and tried to minimize reality. So, that person took advantage of it to destroy everything. And again, it was up to us to live with anger and frustration when we realized that, to protect others, we were the only ones who were hurt.

In moments like these we realize that, while we reflect on how not to make others suffer, those "others" often take advantage of it to stab us in the back. Without shame or shame. This causes anger and resentment, and can make us feel really stupid. A feeling that, we think, will never leave us again.

It is perfectly normal to feel this way. Being able to live with these painful sensations and at the same time wondering if they will ever go away completely. Then, suddenly, a day like any other, without you even realizing it, the moment will come when you will think: "Luckily it went like this, some people better lose them than find them!".

Stop and enjoy that moment, because it's the best thing that can happen to you: say goodbye to anger, let indifference in and welcome good humor. That smile of relief when you realize the luck you have had is one of the best guarantees for your psychological well-being. But to really savor it, you need to have first acted cleanly and generously, been hurt, and probably held a grudge for a while.

After going through this painful but necessary path, you will be able to enjoy the prize of the lottery you have played… And that, as in any game, you can win, but also lose. And that smile, alone or in company, is the lottery prize.  

The disappointments of life, the detoxifiers of the future

Dealing with disappointment or betrayal isn't always easy. Neither is being trapped in a vicious circle that always leads to the same arguments. Prolonging a situation of discomfort out of habit or out of pity means entering an endless labyrinth. There is no person who is toxic per se, this is a false belief. However, there are relationships that are, or have become. Identifying and closing them is not an easy task, especially if you want to do it as a mature person.

But you must never feel weak for trying to do things right and being betrayed. In the future, you can use this experience to learn how to detox without getting poisoned. You will be able to spot the danger signs before the other person can actually hurt you. You will learn to close doors slowly, without making any noise. And you will learn to understand that others also have a right to do the same with you.

Wanting to be fair people in life says a lot about us. Ending a marriage after forty years, cutting ties with a childhood friend or resigning from a job that we no longer see as an opportunity, but as a punishment, are difficult and delicate choices to make.

However, there are people who do not bother to do it with due care; people who take a shortcut, betraying us in a vile, brutal and cowardly way. But you must never feel ridiculous for wanting to do things right, for not wanting to play dirty. You will feel angry, but let that anger take its course.

All these disappointments will become a detoxifier for the future. At the next hint of wear and tear, you won't be walking around it anymore. You will no longer fall into the temptation to drag on a bad relationship. And you will do it using the best possible weapon: absolute indifference.

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