People who have left accompany us in infinite ways if we carry them within our hearts.
Last update: May 15, 2022
Coping with the death of a loved one is like navigating an ocean for a while between huge icebergs. Gradually we awaken, we return to life and the heat of the noise of him to understand that the people we have lost accompany us in infinite ways.
Writer Daphne Du Maurier once said that the death should be like saying goodbye to the train station. He should give us a greeting, a moment to dissolve in a long embrace in which we leave nothing unfinished, and finally wish your loved one a good trip.
"All life is a letting go, but what hurts the most is not having the opportunity to say goodbye."
We all know that idyllic goodbyes don't always happen in real life. The destiny is sometimes cruel and loves to snatch the most precious treasures from us: our loved ones. This is why we face most of our losses with a mix of anger, pain and indefinable disbelief.
It is often said that after the death of a loved one we survive rather than live, we limit ourselves to moving against the tide as if we were the protagonists of a strange life outcome. This way of understanding grief is not the best.
We are obliged to rebuild our lives, a make our days a beautiful tribute to those who still live in our hearts, to the person who has left us precious teachings and who continues to accompany us in different ways.
Those who are still with us do not deserve to get lost
Sometimes we don't hesitate to look up and remember who we have lost. However, they are not that far; neither an entire sky nor a thick wall separate us. They live in a precious corner of our emotional brain, fused into the palace of our souls and in that half of our heart that drives every beat.
The human being is made up of memories, experiences and emotional legacies that shape him and push him to advance despite the losses. In his book Levels of Life Julian Barnes wrote that after the death of his wife he became aware of several elements. The first is that the world is divided between those who have experienced the pain of the death of a loved one and those who have not.
He discovered this example through a friend, who tactfully told him that one of the benefits of losing his wife is that he can now do whatever he wants. This made Barnes feel very bad, who understands life as a place shared with his wife.
The second lesson Julian Barnes has learned about death is that it is worth living despite the bloody emptiness, despite the fact that half of the bed is empty.
Staying still is like losing your loved one again, which still lives within us and asks to be honored through happiness, memories and new smiles.
The people we have lost will always be with us
It is not a question of leaving loved ones behind, but rather rebuild our present to allow us a more complete future in which memories and new experiences form one whole.
"The sea is dressed in velvet, and the deep sea is painted in mourning"
Dr. Jamie Turndorf proposes a very useful strategy not only for dealing with pain, but also for notice the ways our loved ones accompany us every day, those we have been forced to let go of.
Connect emotionally with memory to reduce pain day after day
The strategy that Dr. Turndorf proposes is simple and cathartic. It's based on an adequate internal dialogue in which to close possible outstanding issues, heal wounds and benefit from the emotional legacy that your loved one has left us.
- Prevent the mind from remembering only the last moments, make sure that the memory is wise and selective and feeds every day with happy moments, smiles, complicity. Yesterday's joy will motivate us in the present.
- Talk to the people we have lost, tell them we miss them, but accept their remoteness. Explain that it is sometimes extremely difficult, but then their teachings offer the necessary strength.
This inner dialogue can be of great help, it is like creating private corners in which to heal day after day and atto advance knowing that love never dies. An eternal emotion that gives comfort and an imperishable light. We let it surround us, give us warmth as we smile again.
Images courtesy of Catrin Welz-Stein