The grudge: a thorn in the heart

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Joe Dispenza
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The grudge: a thorn in the heart

Last update: April 17, 2016

To feel a grudge means to feel a strong and constant anger, which you cannot get rid of. Most of us have found ourselves in a similar situation. In some cases, this feeling can turn into a desire for revenge and it can become obsessive. At this point, it's time to stop and seek the help of a professional.


Of course, resentment is sometimes paradoxical, as some people consider certain situations unimportant that end up sparking a conflict. For many others, however, a slight insult represents an aggression of gigantic dimensions. Taking into account that, in both cases, the situation that caused the resentment is the same, whoever revives the fire of the unleashed emotions the most is the person who comes out most hurt.


“When we hate someone, we hate in their image something that is inside us”.

-Hermann Hesse-

If the person who resents a grudge has been the victim of a severe assault, he can end up suffering much more than the aggressor himself., as the victim can experience a very deep feeling of pain, while the aggressor can feel calm and free from all guilt.

In the face of resentment and resentment, it takes a cool head and will

One of the major difficulties that resentment implies has to do with its occasional lack of expressiveness. Perhaps the attacker did not even realize that he had hurt the victim and, despite this, the size of the wound is magnified by a grudge that, in every respect, is useless.

To eradicate resentment, the best thing is to know how to forgive and then establish a dialogue. A forgiveness that is the result of reasoning and understanding the defects or differences of the other can mean a real triumph, provided that further aggression is not justified or allowed that does not deserve an apology. Yes to forgiveness, but not to consent.



Stopping thinking about what happened and moving on with your life is really helpful in healing your heart. It is a cure that arises as a result of reason, good heart and wisdom accumulated thanks to the experience with which life is faced.

We must carefully analyze why all this happened and understand to what extent the problem arose through our fault or the other person's fault. Reflect to find a solution, even if partial, that improves the situation and make the necessary decisions with brain, objectivity and justice. Being reasonable, objective and fair in these situations isn't easy at all, but it's worth it.

When you feel a grudge, it's also important to let off steam, depending on one's character and the extent of the aggression. We must not limit ourselves to being silent, because this is the best seed from which a deep depression or aggression can be born, which later turn into another unresolved conflict and another obstacle.

Don't make any "hot" decisions

When the facts are recent and you are still very shaken by the situation, it is impossible to be objective, reasonable and fair. It's like trying to put out a fire with gasoline. When you feel a grudge, it is essential to reach a point of calm from which you can start thinking. Knowing that life goes on, that "tomorrow the sun will come out again" and that there will still be many problems. Life is a constant falling and rising.

It is useless even to ask questions that will never have a definitive answer or remain anchored in the past. What happened, happened and now we need to look forward. Wasting too much time on why and assuming the role of victim certainly does not help find a solution to the problem. The best thing to do is to start from the “savable”, or even from scratch, and from there reconstruct what you can, a bit as if it were “a full stop”.



The solution lies in the will and in wanting to get out of that grudge. Based on how we resolve these kinds of situations, we will grow as people, stay anchored or even go back. This means that learning or not from these situations is a personal decision and it is always better to train by one's own will than by an obligation imposed by the circumstances themselves.


Don't run away from the situation, but understand and accept it

It is important to learn from what happened. If done in the right way, instead of representing a disgrace, over time, an offense received can become a solid foundation on which to lean to face life: the effort required to overcome resentment is a great investment in oneself.

Despite this, if after having acted or, at least, having looked for different ways, the aggressor maintains his attitude, the best thing is to pave the way for him to leave our life. Maybe we are not the right people to make him understand that by behaving in this way, he will not get anywhere.


It is useless to continue arguing with the same person, because the wound becomes more and more serious and because, where there is too much hatred and too much resentment, the environment can become very problematic and even dangerous. A scale of aggression may be unleashed, with consequences that are as unpredictable as they are harmful.

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