Last update: January 24, 2018
For many, having a stable relationship has become a mission impossible. It shouldn't be that way. Loving and letting oneself be loved is a simple and spontaneous act, as shown by the Decalogue of love. We are the ones who end up making everything so difficult.
It is obvious that love makes us vulnerable. There is a point where we need to lay bare our hearts. Many times we get hurt and we promise to shut ourselves up forever. We don't want to have to relive all of this. Il problem is that by becoming hermetic, we also renounce various aspects of life that are among the most beautiful.
"Love until it hurts you, and if it hurts you, that's why it will be better."
-Mother Teresa of Calcutta-
There is currently a lot of fear of loving. It costs us so much to accept that any relationship involves a certain amount of suffering. We don't even realize that it is our responsibility to make this love grow and keep alive. How can this be done? This is what the Decalogue of love teaches us, which we share with you below.
The Decalogue of Love
1. Open all communication channels
As commonplace as it may seem, we must not stop insisting on the importance of communication. It is the fundamental nucleus of the couple and any type of emotional relationship. If there is communication and dialogue, everything is possible, nothing is unattainable.
The Decalogue of love teaches us that communication shapes the feelings, to the relationships themselves. If you love someone, but don't tell them, it's as if that feeling doesn't exist. Remember that communication includes many possibilities beyond that offered by words.
2. Be sensitive to your partner
Be sensitive it means being attentive to the person you love. To what it says or does not say. The meaning of his gestures and her tone of voice. Listen, see, touch. Learn to recognize his moods, his needs.
Don't just do it so that, if you change, you can tell him: "I see you weird". She is a bore going through a bad time and having to explain to her partner. What a hassle to be accountable for everything you feel. A sensitive person limits himself to being there, to being close to those he loves, trying to let him know and understand.
3. Share quality time
Sometimes, over time, we stop appreciating the importance of romantic moments spent alone, in the intimacy of the couple. This happens because we feel that love is already consolidated. Apparently, things are progressing well: inertia has taken over and what was to be cultivated has already been cultivated.
While all of this may be largely true, it also implies a mistake. The Decalogue of love tells us that you never stop building affection, that relationships are in constant transformation and that, in order to maintain the love bond, it is important not to neglect romance and even special occasions to spend time alone.
4. Not in public
One of the things that most creates resentment are the claims and complaints in public. Never, under any circumstances, should you blame your loved one in front of other people. This is one of the rules of the Decalogue of love that must never be broken.
When the complaint is made in public, it acquires a humiliating tinge. Why expose your partner's mistakes in front of other people? In these cases there is actually a desire for retaliation and revenge rather than a sincere desire to express a disagreement or to claim an error.
5. Stop choking on your partner
We all become possessive with a loved one. Some more, some less. However, this possessiveness must not become the predominant note, the fragrance that contaminates everything. While jealousy sometimes serves to ignite the flame, it doesn't have to be a constant.
In the same way, if you genuinely love the other person, it is really worth the effort to give up these controlling attitudes that lead to nothing good. Nobody belongs to anyone. This intensity only leads to distancing. Everyone must have the space of him.
6. Bad and good times
The Decalogue of love invites us not to idealize relationships, to always maintain a pinch of realism. As good as a bond can be, it will always happen to go through moments fatal. This doesn't mean there is a problem. On the contrary, it is healthy that there are contradictions.
Difficulties allow you to grow and mature as a couple. It is in these moments that the quality of the relationship is tested. It's also a great opportunity to oxygenate the bond and fix everything that's wrong.
7. Don't accumulate little anger
From small angers the greatest hells are formed. In this sense, there are small sorrows that can become enormous battles or anger if we do not make those minimal gestures that allow us to recover calm and restore the bond.
It should never be expected that everything will magically disappear. Sometimes it may seem like something doesn't matter, but you will never be sure. Especially when it comes to small sorrows that happen with a certain frequency.
8. Cultivate intimacy
When a person feels loved, sexuality arises spontaneously. Love is the best aphrodisiac. However, in sexuality, as in other aspects, there are ups and downs. Moments of greater affluence that alternate with slightly more arid phases.
The Decalogue of love tells us that intimacy must be cultivated. This does not mean that we need to invent strange or exotic situations so that the flame does not go out. It means kissing, laughing, caressing, hugging. All manifestations that ignite the passion.
9. The partner is not responsible for our person
In the couple, everyone is responsible for the partner up to a certain point. The key lies precisely in the expression "up to a certain point". Nobody can expect their partner to become the source of all pleasure. No human being has this obligation towards another person.
The problem is that there are many people who idealize love and the couple. They expect much more from this area than it can give. Then, they feel disappointed in their partner if they don't show up with those expectations. In this case, it is necessary to change perspective.
10. Strengthen yourself
A couple relationship is only healthy when its person is also healthy. If you want the couple to grow, you have to grow up first. If you want it to improve, you start doing it. Having a partner does not mean that you have disappeared as an individual. Your first commitment is with yourself.
The Decalogue of Love is a tool that helps us to re-establish our priorities. It is not a recipe, nor an inventory that must be followed to the letter. Simply use it as a guide to return to a path where the most important element is love.
Image courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe