Last update: January 15, 2019
Love lights up and grows in intensity when it is accompanied by a dose, large or small, of impossibility. Passion is never as fiery as when it is hindered by some prohibition. And if there is a secret to keep, even better. There is a dangerous fascination around clandestine loves ...
But just like the insect that flutters around a fire and sometimes ends up getting burned, even forbidden loves can end badly. Sometimes they end with a simple and romantic goodbye, but in most cases they leave the people involved with deep wounds that take a long time to heal.
"And for lovers her desperate love may be a crime, but it will never be a sin."
-Jose Angel Buesa-
The clandestine loves
Behind the choice to keep a love in secret, generally, there is a very strong need. In most cases, if not always, what you want to hide is the presence of a third individual with whom there is a love commitment. Usually clandestine loves are loves that involve at least three people. Sometimes four. Sometimes more.
A pre-existing bond is not the only reason that leads a love to go underground. There may be reasons for convenience at stake, as in the case of famous people who have to keep their relationships secret in order not to lose admirers. There may also be other types of pressures, at the family, work or social level, that demand secrecy in the relationship.
In any case, loves of this kind are defined as clandestine because they are somehow prohibited. And it is this element of prohibition that gives a special taste to these affects. The relationship cannot develop in a "normal" way, it becomes necessary to inaugurate a kind of "parallel life" to be able to keep that love alive.
The fascination of the forbidden
Any prohibition is at the same time an invitation. This happens because in the human mind the ban activates desire. Doesn't your interest in a film grow if you learn that it has been censored in some countries? Do you not observe with greater interest a door that bears the words "no entry"? Wouldn't you like to be one of those who can open it?
Everything that is forbidden has a natural charm as it allows us to glimpse, in the foreground, what a person lacks. It is precisely from that lack (which reveals itself with what is forbidden) that desire springs. For this reason, prohibition and prohibition are two sides of the same coin.
When it comes to love, things acquire an even more effervescent character. The prohibition turns into fuel for the flame, even when the flame is shy at first. Obstacles become stimuli and the risk ends up being seen as a tempting challenge. The very danger of the relationship favors falling in love. But be careful, because by playing with fire a lot you can burn yourself.
The danger of clandestine love
The first danger that one encounters with a clandestine love is, of course, being discovered. It is assumed that if it must be kept hidden, it is because revealing it would lead to serious consequences. Nothing is secret between heaven and earth, and there are rare cases in which the truth remains hidden for a long time.
It is also true that many couples of lovers experience the idea of revelation with particular emotion. They betray the promise they have with their partner, but at the same time they feel the unwitting desire to be caught in the act. It's all part of the intricate game of trying to push the official relationship to its limit or trying to neglect it in order to bring out the unfinished business, present to a lesser or greater extent in any relationship.
The second danger lies in the fact that one literally plays with one's own feelings and those of others. The allure of risk may indeed be the only real cause of the relationship. It is not love that unites, but the desire to challenge what is forbidden. The downside is that almost always, everyone involved in that "game" gets hurt in some way.
Finally, the danger of clandestine loves is that in the end they do not allow us to grow or improve our lives. They turn out to be chapters in life in which to behave like a child who does not want to obey. But when we add up, all that remains is the pleasure of having experienced the fascination of the forbidden ... And all the time lost in relative pleasure.