Last update: December 14, 2016
The art of good love does not seek to please the ego. It is a psychic muscle that brings support, respect and courage. Not even wise love is, in reality, blind, since it implies that two people look at each other in a mature and conscious way, wishing that the other fly high without clipping his wings, without trapping his self-esteem.
They say that loving is an art and that it hides mysteries and facets between which courteous, erotic, divine and profane elements intertwine. Sometimes we risk being literally carried away by a cultural heritage that envelops us, offering us an unrealistic image of love. Because it is not an art based on contemplation, but on the creation, effort and commitment of the brave.
"Loving yourself is essential to be able to love others"
Let poets, cinema and literature build their image of love. In this vast ocean that is life, no one is the captain, we are all explorers in the inhospitable and boundless terrain of emotions. It is known to all, for example, that loving can hurt and that even if the term pain should never be associated with love, well we continue to try it.
Far from living love serenely, we often let the layers of our dignity leave us one by one, even allowing our self-esteem to wear out, like an old blanket that is opaque and made fragile by use. Or the abuse. It is necessary to learn to look at this dimension from a wiser, more integral position.
Today we explain how.
Insatiable seekers, hungry for love
Let's imagine a man who has the need and the desire to eat an apple. He will plant a tree and, little by little, he will see fruits grow. His pleasure will never end, for weeks and weeks he will enjoy the flavor of his favorite fruit. He will spend time delighting in the fact that he can feed himself without even having to work. However, with the arrival of the cold season, the beautiful apple tree will suddenly stop blooming, cease to bear fruit. He will begin to rot.
Love relationships work the same way. There are those who go in search of love, insatiable, and once found, they are pleased with it. However, he forgets to nourish the roots of that bond that is so incredible and delicate at the same time. He is unable to feed self-esteem, does not know the meaning of loyalty and courageous commitment. He is a wanderer of feelings looking for emotions that are destined to expire.
For their part, they are often hungry men who are only looking for support to fill the emptiness of their loneliness. They believe that love is a source of consolation. They mainly look for tailors capable of embroidering the broken ribs of their heart with the thread of love. This is not how it should be. The art of good love does not mercilessly destroy the self-esteem of the loved one.
Just as Erich Fromm said, if love were just a feeling or an emotion, the promise to love each other forever would make no sense. Because feelings come and go and loving each other is above all an act of dignity towards oneself and one's partner.
Far from calling it a "quest" to fill one's needs, fears and loneliness, we should see love as an encounter. After that unexpected discovery, the commitment, the courage, the authentic promise will come.
Love that fuels self-esteem
We have heard many times that the happy, mature and conscious couple is the one who manages to "be one while being two". It is an ideal that each of us aspires to… but how is it achieved? In love there are no magic formulas, but only wise advice that can be useful to everyone: before aspiring to be two people united in the same project, we must be able to be ourselves.
We must learn to love each other without fear or compromise. Be pleased with our individuality, without ever falling into the depths of our ego. Only in this way will we be able to safeguard our self-esteem and at the same time strengthen that of the loved one.
Below we propose some ideas of the basic strategies to achieve this goal.
“The meeting of two people is like the contact between two chemicals; if there is any reaction, both are transformed "
-Carl Gustav Jung-
Secrets to develop and respect self-esteem as a couple
Healthy love must always begin with oneself. Imagine for a moment what it might be like to love someone who hates himself. Also think about what it means to be with someone whose only goal is to satisfy you 24 hours a day. A person who, when you need to breathe, offers you air; that when you get hurt, he wants to bleed for you.
- The light layers of a relationship hide the origin of our authentic being. The entity of the couple inevitably impregnates itself with all our shortcomings, our voids and our insecurities, ending up expanding them even more.
- It is necessary to be able to combine self-love with mutual love. One does not exclude the other, as being part of a couple means having a heart and a spirit. When one side of the heart runs out of strength, the spirit of the other half supports it. Blow energy, courage and more love into it. At the same time, that half knows they deserve it because she loves herself.
The love that is born and created every day in the couple does not imply the loss of individuality. It does not mean giving up one to honor the other. To love means to affirm oneself next to the other person allowing oneself to be distinct, while being engaged in a single project.