What are the 4 most harmful fears for our personal growth? Let's see together what characteristics they have and how to overcome them.
We know that fear has a precise biological function: it was born for protect us and enable us to react effectively to external risks.
In short, if we are here, after millions of years of survival of the species, we also owe it to fear.
But beware: the beneficial fears, which have allowed man to reach 2020, are those relating to a real danger.
The tiger, the storm, the poisonous snake.
That's why even now if you find yourself in front of a bear who has escaped from the zoo, the instinct of paralyze you and holding your breath can perhaps save you from the fatal wrath of the poor beast (poor so to speak).
Alongside these, however, there are fears that they lead nowhere.
- They don't save your life.
- They don't shelter you.
- They don't allow you to get better and live longer.
Specifically, there are 4 fears that can get in the way our personal growth and the achievement of our most ambitious goals.
Or, in other words, they can ruin our lives!
In this article, we see together the characteristics of these 4 fears (which by the way are the most widespread in the world) and some practical strategies to deal with them:
- Fear of the judgment of others.
- Fear of public speaking.
- The fear of change.
- The fear of making mistakes.
(Of course, we will not talk about phobias, panic attacks or emotional and psychic states that require the intervention of a specialist).
Let's start with the fear of the judgment of others.
1. Fear of the judgment of others
We have already talked about this fear in detail in this article, and it is so widespread that it cannot fail to deserve the first place!
Sometimes it is innate.
He comes to us more often transmitted as children, when we do something original, different from the usual or pleasantly selfish, we are surrounded by a series of adult voices that tell us:
- "But what could Giggino say?",
- “Have you thought about what Genoveffa would think? ",
- "if we all did that, what would happen? ".
Here, after a few years, those little voices we carry them in our head.
How can we fix it?
I propose you an exercise ...
For a whole day keep track of all the times a thought pops up in your head about what other people would say or think.
I anticipate it: there will be many!
At this point, I'm sorry to contradict your kindergarten teachers, but I have to tell you something: Giggino and Genoveffa would have lived very well even if you had done those things you shouldn't have done.
Much more likely they were committed to minding their own business.
Or to think about what you would have thought of them.
Think thenonsense of the thing!
So I would say that you have spent enough years of your life thinking about what the various Giggini and Genoveffe thought of you! Time to do some cleaning between your thoughts and finally leave space to what really matters.
So how do you get rid of the fear of judgment?
Think for yourself.
Concentrate about what you want, what you like, what you're good at.
Spend time on what interests you and intrigues you.
Look at the things that work, around you.
Think about your plans. How you can make them work. To the people you can involve.
Think about what makes you feel good and gives you more energy.
Whenever you notice that your thoughts are getting out of hand and turning towards 'the others', bring them back to square one: to focus on what you have and want most positively.
Get angry as well.
Very often the fear of the judgment of others is connected to our own desire for approval.
We want be considered in a positive way. Because we are convinced that this will make us feel meglio.
But this is a damn vicious circle.
We don't do certain things to get approval that would make us feel better, but then it's the very things we avoided that would make us feel. really good.
So, the simplest way is to take responsibility for our well-being and quit to depend from someone else's thoughts and opinions.
Well, let's move on to the second fear now.
2. Fear of public speaking
To manage to public speaking today is one of skills most important, for your career and your life.
Still, the vast majority of people are scared alla sola idea.
It may sound crazy, but from some polls this fear even outweighs the fear of dying!
This second fear is also deeply connected to the fear of the judgment of others and that of making mistakes (which we will see later).
Fortunately, however, with the right strategies you can deal with it effectively.
Find something that you are deeply passionate about.
Especially the first few times you speak in public, if you can, choose topics that you feel particularly yours, or insert some personal aspects in what you have to say.
It can be an anecdote, a biographical quote from a character who admire, the story of an emotion. You will get a lot more spontaneous organize the speech and, somehow, you will come 'transported'from the theme you care about.
Focus on your preparation.
Whether it's a topic you are passionate about or not, your preparation is in any case essential.
Of course, you don't have to memorize everything (it's the best way to tense up and freeze in mid-speech), but organizing well the lineup and then the logical consequence of your arguments.
In this way, even if you forget a few details, you will know what other related aspects are to be addressed.
Repeat a few times your speech, even changing some elements, and you will see that already the third time you have told your speech to the plan of your bedside table (:-D) it will have become part of you and you will feel much more fluid.
Stop thinking about yourself.
André, I feel confused! First you tell me to think of myself to overcome the fear of others' judgment, now not to think about it! Oh my God what should I do ?! It turns out that the fear of dying is really easier to manage ...
Move your attention from you and your concerns to the topic to be treated and to your audience. Stage anxiety arises from aobservation too obsessive of themselves and their feelings.
[NEWS !!!]: the people you will talk to they're not that interested in you. Rather, al theme of your speech. So, relax.
Remember that you are not the center of attention, but your topic.
Get some physical activity before you talk.
If the place where you are going to deliver your speech is not too far away, get there walking.
If, on the other hand, you are obliged to take the car, before speaking, go to the bathroom and jump on the spot, shake a little arms or legs, open and close your fingers several times.
This way you will release some adrenaline and be more relaxed when it comes to taking the stage.
Transform your tension into energy.
It is perfectly normal to be tense before a public speech. All the major speakers in our history have been and are.
But you know what makes them so convincing?
Yes, you read that right, only these professional speakers have learned to use the energy potential of voltage.
In their hands, anxiety is transformed into charisma, into passionate speech.
Then, Do not be scared if your heart beats faster, if your breathing is different. If you feel the need to move. Think you have an energy level much higher than usual and that you can use it to make your speech even better.
Hold a tone of voice tall. Look at the people in the eyes. Move on, taking steps on the spot and accompanying your words with i gestures hands. Your words will be even more convincing!
3. The fear of change
"If we want everything to remain as it is, everything must change."
Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa.
Stainless, this is one of the most ingrained fears of people. Yes, even the aficionados of the constant changes: their incessant merry-go-round is the comfort zone they're used to.
When we realize that, at the prospect of a change in work, relationship or life, thoughts related to fear of what we might find on the other side far outweigh those related to desire and benefits, it means that we have to… change our mentality.
Underneath, these thoughts hide the fear of not being enough to overcome life's hardships.
How can you avoid it?
If you've identified some necessary skills that you don't yet have, get busy and develop them.
In all other cases, think that not changing can mean avoiding being happier. Stay in that gray routine which for some time has not satisfied you.
Get used to it.
Immediately start making some small changes, day by day, to gradually familiarize yourself with even the biggest changes. find different inspirations here to start "training".
Write down all your negative thoughts, anxieties, worries on a piece of paper.
Then do this test: invert the sign from - to + for each of the statements. In short, try to find a positive aspect in each of these catastrophic scenarios. You will see that some good ideas will come out ... ;-)
What if there is no risk?
Try to think about what you would do if there was no risk in changing. No pressure or limitation from close people. No threats. You can go back whenever you want. On impulse, what would you choose?
Think about the times you have changed something in your life.
Where did these changes of course lead you? What skills have you put in place? If you have done it other times it means that you will be able to do it more it's still. Maybe just using the same qualities you have proven to have in the past.
4. The fear of making mistakes
This too is a fear related to fear of the judgment of others seen in the first point (also mixed with low self-esteem).
It hinders us deeply on the path to our goals, pushing us to be excessively looking, constantly tormented by doubts, assiduously procrastinators.
If at the end of the day you find yourself tired out for the amount of dilemmas and worries that have populated your thoughts, and you have concluded far less than you thought, this is likely to be your fear!
You need a particular mental diet.
Here are some practical tips for you ...
Making mistakes is natural.
All we have learned since we were born it is the result of continuous attempts, errors and adjustments. If we had been afraid of making mistakes as children, now we would not know how to eat alone, walk, wash, write.
The important thing is to learn the lesson and put it to good use for the future.
Remember: successful people are not perfect individuals who have never made mistakes, but people who are able to draw the right lessons from their inevitable mistakes.
"It's not really that important."
Returning to the comparison above, if you remember, you didn't wear as a child unnecessary pressure. You didn't give yourself a single opportunity to learn to eat with a fork and knife or, a few years later, to jump on a skateboard.
Nor did you think from morning to evening about the riddle of the Puzzle Week that didn't come to you, calling you stupid!
You just tried to do what you wanted until you succeeded.
As adults, however, we start getting high limit from conditioning of various kinds and to consider issues of life or death il 90% nonsense, and, coincidentally, we overlook the 10% of the things that are really important to us.
Time to put the right priorities back.
Except in rare exceptional cases, I can tell you from personal experience that there are mistakes that can seriously compromise you.
Life you offer always a second (a third, a fourth, a ...) chance and you will have, or will be able to develop, the characteristics that will allow you to cope to the best of what you will have to face.
It's a lot more dangerous stiffen and freeze in repetition of what you already know.
To cousin unexpected (inevitable) you will find it much harder to react and you will not have developed those muscles that only difficulties can train.
In case for fear of making a mistake you are full of doubts, Prof. Giorgio Nardone, in his book 'Cogito ergo I suffer', suggests doing this exercise:
For a few days, ask yourself: where would you like to be, doing what, and with whom, in seven years?
Ask for it without make rational evaluations and reasoning about actual possibilities.
Maybe write down the answers and read them all together at the end.
Your words will know amaze you.