State of flow in the couple: living happy and in harmony

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Joe Dispenza

State of flow in the couple: living happy and in harmony

To flow in love you need to be in tune with your partner. Create small moments of intimacy in which to find yourself and discover yourself a little more every day; speak, laugh and strengthen the bond in complete freedom.

Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.

Last update: 15 November 2022

The state of flow in the couple allows you to more easily reach states of happiness in which harmony reigns. It means creating a two-way coalition that, in addition to strengthening the complicity, serves to face daily adversity.

This theory developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in 1975 can also be applied to the relational sphere and provide invaluable help.

Most of the studies and works that concern the state of flow generally refer to the professional sphere or personal growth. This concept describes a state of mind in which all our psychological activity is focused on the action we are carrying out. This point of high concentration is in turn accompanied by a sense of great satisfaction.

In recent years, however, specialists in the field of emotional relationships such as Dr. Brenda McDaniel of the University of Kansas (United States), have highlighted a very interesting aspect, namely that even couples can reach this mental and emotional state in different ways.

In addition to this, if we take into account the general principles of the flow state theory, the copy relationship can only benefit from it in terms of happiness and stability.

For example, simple experiences such as having meaningful conversations with your loved one on a daily basis help reduce stress and foster complicity, affection, and commitment. Sometimes the simplest investments are also the most rewarding ones.

"It is in being fully involved in every detail of our life, good or bad, that we find happiness, and not in trying to pursue it."

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi-

Components that distinguish the state of flow in the couple

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi introduced the concept of the state of flow in the psychological field with a metaphor. When the winds of fortune blow in our favor, we feel pushed forward, as if carried placidly by the current of a river.

Thus, the idea of ​​flow describes an activity that is meaningful to us at all levels, which not only makes us happy and satisfied, but which also gives us the distinct feeling of being on the right path along the journey of existence.

These principles also apply perfectly to the world of emotional relationships. The state of flow in the couple is therefore a further point of view to be taken into consideration to enjoy greater well-being. Let's see what the main components are.

Different personalities, but with similar goals

Having a partner does not mean, even remotely, having similar characters, identical opinions, same tastes or passions. Not at all. To live a happy and fulfilling romantic relationship, it is essential to share values ​​and goals.

It matters little whether in the long journey of existence together, one of the two is the boatswain, the captain or the ship's steward. What really matters is traveling on the same boat and on the same route.

Concentration and attention in the state of flow in the couple

Unlike what happens in the flow state applied to the professional field, in the couple relationship, concentration turns to the relationship itself. But what exactly does it mean?

  • Being focused on the relationship means understanding the meaning of being a couple, which involves being aware of the needs of the other.
  • It means remembering on a daily basis that love is not to be taken for granted, that you have to take care of the details, be proactive, cultivate communication, get out of the routine and share quality time together.

Skills to face challenges together

The state of flow in the couple also requires another important skill: knowing how to overcome difficulties together. This skill is not learned overnight, but in difficult moments that test. That's where the best or worst of us emerges.

Only those who are able to offer support, communicate, find agreements, be accessible and able to find solutions rather than problems in adversity, demonstrate all their competence.

Flowing, after all, does not mean flowing down the river of life only when it is placid and safe, but also knowing how to overcome obstacles and dangers.

Activities to share in the flow

Partners can each have their own passions, exclusive moments of pleasure, sports and moments dedicated to sharing with their friends or relatives

However, it is equally important that the couple devote time to daily activities in which being together leads to a state of incomparable flow.

We are talking about moments in which to laugh together, pamper each other, reveal themselves, etc. Here are some examples of activities that go in the direction of flow:

  • Rewarding dialogues.
  • Sex.
  • Bath and shower together.
  • Do you travel.
  • Sport.
  • Massages.
  • Cooking together.
  • Watch movies, read the same book and comment on it together.


Getting flow is not that difficult. It is just a matter of starting a metaphorical dance for two, in which to enjoy the presence of the partner with greater confidence, union and joy. Love is found, but happiness must be cultivated every day so that it is kept alive and does not slip away.

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