All beginnings are scary, but we don't really start from scratch, but from experiences. All we have to do is discover our strengths to embark on the journey of change that can bring us closer to happiness.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Starting over can produce a sense of bewilderment. The nerves tangle in the stomach and in the mind, the heart accelerates and even the earth seems to be missing under our feet… The fears are many, but the new opportunities before us are endless. How many times in life have we been forced to start over, experiencing all the contradictory sensations that derive from it?
Probably many times or none. The truth is that leaving behind the certainties to start a new phase is not easy, and not everyone finds the necessary courage. Almost everyone, however, has thought about it at least once. Press the reset button and start over, leave behind what oppresses to cross new thresholds, breathe new air and find a new self.
The idea fascinates, it is certainly attractive. However, it is a path that requires strong psychological resources and an open mind, as well as an indispensable element: to be aware of the experience so as not to make the same mistakes and to define a reality more in line with one's values and needs. Starting from scratch is a commitment to yourself to embrace change, all the way.
Starting over: the courage to let go
It happens to everyone in life to have the feeling that something is wrong. Sometimes it is work, too demanding, exhausting to the point of being the first thought upon awakening. Other times it concerns relationships, partners, friends, family… Some dynamics end up causing more suffering than happiness, which is why we feel the need for a change, to take a step back.
On the other hand, it is equally common to want to change one's life context, adopt new points of view, hang out with other people or change jobs. The need to renew oneself often requires starting from scratch, a desire that we can feel several times during the course of life.
As anticipated, however, not everyone is capable of daring or of finding the psychological resources capable of acting as a stimulus, of providing the right determination when we tremble because of doubts. Let's see in detail what resources we should develop in these delicate stages of life.
Focus: why do we do it and what expectations do we have?
To focus, direct attention, motivation, thoughts and attitudes towards a goal, or to favor progress towards a new stage. To achieve this goal we must overcome the fears generated by doubts, we must remember why we do it, the reason why we want to start over.
- We need to be clear about the reasons that push towards this vital momentum: I want to improve, I want to leave behind the situations that made me unhappy, I want to grow ...
- It is good to remember what neuroscience says about these changes. It is well known, in fact, that getting stuck in stressful or unmotivating situations is detrimental to mental health. Routine and repetitive behavioral and relationship patterns prevent the nervous system from creating new neural pathways, reducing cognitive agility.
Balance: we do not start from scratch, but from experience
Those who act with balance manage their fears better. This does not mean not trying them at all, also because starting over again inevitably leads to feeling insecurity and even anxiety. However, it is necessary to make good use of that psychological resource which is serenity, inner calm, because in reality the starting point for change is not zero, but experience.
What does it mean? Being clear about what you are willing to achieve and what you are no longer willing to tolerate. Know your limits; our heart knows what it has left behind and what it hopes to achieve in the future: balance, freedom, self-realization, calm and happiness.
Let's put out those fears, because we won't stumble on the same stone again. We will pave our way and then take flight.
Self-confidence: knowing why to start over, what we deserve and ultimately get it
We are eternal tightrope walkers looking for balance in life. However, the more we stand still, the more likely we are to fall. We have to step forward by putting one foot in front of the other and looking forward. We have to move because existence itself is movement and we are part of that rhythm, of the eternal flow.
Starting over is from bold people, but also from people who know what they want and try to get it. This is possible by combining self-confidence with the memory of one's potential, of those strengths that have always been useful. But also to strengthen self-esteem, motivation and that determination that whispers to us at every moment that the past does not determine the future.
Why we are the ones who create the future. We do this when we move away from the comfort zone where nothing can flourish. If we do not have stimuli, if there is no love for beautiful things, if our environment is not stimulating for the mind or does not make our heart beat, we must look for new ways. Those in which to find the version of us that we like best, ready to give the best of themselves and build a new happiness.