Stages of love and duration

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Robert Maurer

Stages of love and duration

In romantic relationships, love goes through several stages. In this article we will analyze the 5 phases of love proposed by Jed Diamond. Stay and find out what they are!

Last update: January 15, 2022

The phases of love are understood as a series of moments that a couple goes through. Each is characterized by a series of situations that allow you to advance in achieving a more stable and genuine sentimental relationship.

Before addressing the stages of love, let's review the numerous definitions of love depending on the perspective adopted. In a very simple way we can say that thelove is a feeling of affection that makes us give ourselves to someone or something.

However, love is not just an emotional expression, it is also an attitude towards life, others and oneself. In the words of Erich Fromm (2014) “love is an action, the practice of human power, which can only be accomplished in freedom and never as a consequence of a compulsion”.

In love we exist, we recognize ourselves through the legitimacy of the other and that recognition gives us the possibility of being authentic: free (Pinto, 2012). Love is not something you have or possess, it is who you are and become in freedom. There is no possession or submission in it, only freedom.

Characteristics of love

According to Fromm (2014), we can identify four essential characteristics of love:

  • Look after: take care of your loved one, be attentive and interested in their well-being. It is concern for the life and growth of a loved one. It's not over-protecting or doing everything for that person, rather valuing them and wanting them to be okay.
  • Reliability: the response to the needs, expressed or not, of the other person. It is not fulfilling one's duty, it is acting, giving and responding to that other to which we are united.
  • Respect:: see the partner as he is, accept and be aware of his individuality. Respect brings with it a genuine concern for the other person's growth and a desire for them to be themselves.
  • Knowledge: getting closer to the inner world of the partner to discover it thoroughly.

The stages of love

Five stages of love have been identified: falling in love, relationship initiation, disappointment, overcoming the crisis and arrival of true love, using the potential of both to change the world.

The duration of each phase varies from one relationship to another and it depends on the historical-social context in which the meeting between the two people takes place.

1. Infatuation

It is the state in which one person is dominated by a strong feeling towards another with which she wishes to be united forever (Mora, 2007).

In this first phase, lovers feel the need to always be together. This phase of love is characterized by the release of endorphins and other biochemical reactions, which produce great happiness in both people.

During the infatuation, you have the illusion that you will be together for life and that the relationship will overcome any difficulty. The loved one becomes a flawless perfect being.

2. Beginning of the relationship

At this stage, both people decide to enter into a stable and serious relationship. They are willing to take on their respective responsibilities and work hard to make the relationship work.

The emotional bond strengthens and begins to be more intimate and profound. In addition to this, plans are made for the future that were idealized in the previous phase.

During this phase of love, it is common for many couples to make the decision to live together or form a family, as they feel safe, cared for, valued and valued. They continue to believe, as in the first phase, that the other person is "the love of their life" and that nothing and no one will be able to separate them.

3. The phases of love: disappointment

The disappointment makes visible the imperfections and defects of the partner that were not perceived in the previous stages. This phase can occur slowly or suddenly. During its course, it is normal to get angry over nonsense and feel less loved and cared for.

At this stage, many relationships end. It is in fact one of the most important phases of love, because it allows you to discover the true nature of the other and ask yourself if it is really worth being together. The idealized and illusory view gives way to a more realistic and objective view of the relationship.

Disappointment is a critical point where it must be define if you love the other enough to accept them. This phase tests love and the ability to face harsh reality where everything is not as expected or desired.

4. Overcoming the crisis and true love

In this phase of love, the couple is able to overcome discrepancies and co-build a more stable and authentic relationship. The idealizations have been eliminated and one learns to live, accept and value the partner.

Few relationships reach this stage which, while causing pain and conflict, allows both to sincerely open up and accept each other.

Putting illusions aside, it is possible to recognize oneself as imperfect and vulnerable human beings. By going through challenges, you learn to be understanding and present partners, which allows you to build a healthy and lasting relationship. That's when true love blooms.

5. The stages of love: the power to change the world

The power to change the world is a phase of love in which the couple she has evolved and understood that in the relationship, as in life, there will be difficult times. Despite the conflicts, we will continue to be together to overcome adversity.

In this phase a very deep bond is created e we come to the conclusion that together we can achieve great things, not only as a couple, but also as human beings.

There is a purpose in life and one is willing to make it happen. Mutual support is offered and each other encouraged to overcome all obstacles.


Love is not just a sudden manifestation that leads to a relationship. Rather, it is an art that is learned and that requires a practice that allows for the consolidation of kindness, freedom and authenticity.

The stages of love show us that it is also a path of growth, where people support each other to co-create an authentic and healthy relationship capable of changing the world. Likewise, it is a complete path to exist and live in freedom with the person you love.

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