Sexual anxiety, when intimacy scares

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Robert Maurer

Sexual anxiety, when intimacy scares

Last update: Augusts 18, 2018

We are supposed to live in times when sexual freedom has been achieved and many taboos have broken down. We say "supposed" because in reality, this is not always true. There are a considerable number of people who cannot enjoy sexual intimacy. Some of them due to the so-called sexual anxiety.

When we talk about sexual anxiety, we are referring to a set of unpleasant emotions and feelings that have a common background: sexual intercourse. These include fear, tension, rejection and dysfunction. The reasons why this happens are always very difficult to overcome.

"Eroticism is one of the bases of self-knowledge, as indispensable as poetry."

-Anaïs Nin-

Sex enriches life. It offers very important emotional and physical benefits. These range from strengthening the circulatory system and the immune system to fighting everyday stress and tension. It is referred to as a natural pain reliever and has wonderful potential to boost our self-esteem.

Despite this, the person suffering from sexual anxiety hardly sees these benefits in sex. Thus, once the negative dynamic is established, any situation of physical intimacy causes restlessness and nervousness. There is no enjoyment, but fear. Instead of being beneficial, intercourse causes a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction.

When sexual anxiety comes from abuse

Sexual anxiety can come from several sources. Sometimes it can arise from a traumatic experience of abuse. Sexual abuse is more common than we think as it is often kept silent. On the other hand, we are talking about a taboo that historically is often hidden.

More, when the experience is experienced at a young age, the most common thing is that the victim has few emotional resources to manage the situation. Thus, it is possible that what has happened will leave a deep mark and unwanted effects that are difficult to eliminate or mitigate in the future.

What are the other causes of sexual anxiety?

Sometimes the situation isn't that extreme. Sexual anxiety, in fact, also arises from other sources. The common element is almost always repression. Corresponds to these cases:

  • A restrictive education that condemns sex. There are many ideological orientations that condemn sexual practices. They refer to them with epithets that portray them as something despicable, obscene or immoral. Those who have been educated with these parameters have to work hard on themselves to discover the beautiful and pleasurable aspects of sexuality.
  • Lack of information. Sometimes sexual inhibition and anxiety come from poor information about sex. In this case it is an unknown world which is accessed with a feeling of prevention.
  • Fear of failure. The lack of experience and, therefore, of knowledge, make the fear of inadequate performance appear. However, each of us has a personal idea of ​​"adequate performance". What may be standard for one person is unthinkable for another. This leads to sexual anxiety.

We can also include other factors such as depression, lack of self-esteem and difficulty accepting one's body. More, It is very common for anxiety to increase when there are unresolved conflicts or trust has been broken.

How to cope with sexual anxiety?

In many cases, sexual anxiety ends up resulting in sexual dysfunction. Lack of desire, premature ejaculation problems, or pain during intercourse may occur. All this, unless an adequate intervention is carried out, deteriorates the couple's relationship.

The main countermeasures to be put into practice when there is sexual anxiety are the following:

  • Strengthen the emotional relationship with your partner. There is nothing more liberating than increasing confidence with your partner. Create the conditions to talk about the topic with total sincerity. The goal must be to find solutions together.
  • Get better informed. It is very important to know your body well. In this case, the anatomy of our sexual organs and their functioning. In addition, you need to understand what happens during sexual intercourse in physical and psychological terms. Reading or inquiring reduces fears.
  • Enrich eroticism. Sexuality is much more than the sexual act. For this it is necessary to give due importance to everything that promotes eroticism and physical approach. This includes stroking, kissing, massaging and all gestures with which to show affection.
  • Find out what relaxes. Each person is a world. In sexuality, the rules are set solely and exclusively by the two partners. In this sense, it is very useful to try to understand in which circumstances sexuality puts you at ease. For example, the intensity of the light, the time, the place, etc.

Help from a specialist

There are various levels of sexual anxiety. Some require professional help, in other cases it is enough to change some circumstances to bring the relationship back to normal. One way or another if we don't find a solution that works, the best thing is to go to a specialist. Initially we must go to a doctor to rule out any physical problems or to make sure that the difficulties we are experiencing are not due to a medicine.

When both hypotheses have been discarded, help should be sought from a psychologist. If the dysfunction has its roots in anxiety, a professional will be able to design an intervention plan suited to our needs that will help us eliminate the problem.

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