Behind the self-contempt and self-depreciation often lie childhood trauma and unhealthy affection received in the past. Nobody should see themselves as the worst of enemies or someone who doesn't deserve to be loved.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Self-hatred is the worm that ruins everything, the inner voice that poisons and extinguishes potentials, value and opportunities. People who hate themselves project the same discomfort onto others, sometimes looking for someone to blame for their failures, responsible for their unhappiness, and a prisoner of their negative feelings.
The truth is, it's pretty bad to live in self-hatred. It's like sharing an apartment with an annoying tenant, someone you don't like and don't tolerate. It is a reality often lived in silence and the result of a bad experience or an inordinately low self-esteem.
There are those, for example, who see the days go by in the sense of guilt for the regrets, the events that have occurred and which are at the origin of this hatred towards oneself. Others, however, do not even know the reason for this self-contempt, the constant rejection and self-sabotage that crushes and extinguishes all psychological equilibrium. Understanding the root cause and ways to deal with this web of discomfort can help us.
Self-hatred often comes from the way we have been treated in the past. Lack of affection and recognition makes us feel unworthy even of self-love.
What is self-hatred?
Self-contempt is one of the most problematic psychological realities. It is a state in which the person integrates and reinforces feelings of inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem, negative self-view and high contempt.
The mind is unable to see any potential and positive traits. To the point that any result or success is attributed to chance.
The person feels vulnerable and this feeling often makes them act defensive towards others. He is unable to establish fulfilling social and emotional relationships. She is wary, she feels unworthy of being loved and often shows hostile attitudes towards others.
What are the causes of this self-hatred?
Why should a person hate himself? What reason is there for a human being to see himself as his worst enemy? In fact, this situation is more common than you think and has several triggers.
The weight of regrets
Missed opportunities. Behaviors that have had negative consequences. Regret for not being braver or for not acting differently.
Self-hatred often stems from those life experiences that we are not proud of and that are burned into our being. Far from facing them, treating them and healing them, we leave them there, latent, like open wounds that we dare not heal.
Low self-esteem: the price to pay for not loving yourself
Self-hatred is the psychological wound of those who love each other badly, of those who live with low self-esteem. Nothing grows in the mind when there is no love for oneself, when only negativity and self-hatred reign.
Growing up in a disabling, critical and authoritarian family environment also orchestrates this negative self-depreciation. We can't even leave out childhood trauma, a common trigger that reinforces self-contempt.
Self-contempt sprouts through inner criticism
Self-hatred has been studied for decades in the field of psychology. One example is the study conducted by the University of Chicago by Dr. Louis Paul in the 70s. At that moment you already knew that the person who hates himself reinforces an inner dialogue that is as critical as it is exhausting.
It is an inner voice that judges the person, limits his potential, he blames her for every mistake and acts as an echo that repeats to her every moment that it is worthless.
We live very badly in this mental universe occupied by a tyrannical and despotic voice. The inner dialogue that does nothing but disqualify us and anticipate mistakes and failures feeds self-hatred.
How to stop despising yourself?
We will have to live with ourselves for life, so why not start treating ourselves better? Self-hatred and a tendency to feed on discomfort leads sooner or later anxiety and even self-harm or depressive disorders. The surrounding environment is also affected.
Because those who devalue themselves often vent their frustration on others, because when you feel the anger and the burden of low self-esteem, you are unable to give the best of yourself. What can we do in these circumstances?
Develop compassionate dialogue
An interesting research work conducted by Dr. Nele Stinckens of the University of Leuven (Belgium) speaks of a therapy aimed at self-evaluation. It consists in allowing the person to master his inner dialogue.
It is necessary to learn to identify the disabling ideas, the inner criticisms and that critical and negative voice to transform it into a more compassionate speech. To begin loving ourselves a little more, we must always be able to speak to ourselves with affection, respect and compassion.
Overcoming self-hatred requires setting new personal goals
We often feed the same behaviors and lifestyles that reinforce our discomfort. To improve our vision and self-appreciation, it is always wise to make changes.
Setting new goals and achieving them improves self-esteem. Meeting new people brings new perspectives and new ways of seeing ourselves.
Small variations in daily life can foster valuable transformations that strengthen self-esteem. And this is the best place to start.