Self-criticism: not feeling up to it

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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THEautocriticism it is a concept that serves as the sword of Damocles. If he comes
wielded properly can help us improve as a person, but if it takes on a
downside can be devastating, especially in relationships
interpersonal. I am referring to self-criticism which is not constructive but rather
the one that constantly reminds us that we are not up to it.

Any kind of
self-criticism based on the idea that we are not sufficiently up to par is absolutely
counterproductive and ends up causing serious damage to relationships
interpersonal and couple. Because? In the first place this
belief turns into an excuse to avoid conflict. The idea that not
we live up to it simply turns into a way to escape
responsibility, avoid focusing on the conflict, and ultimately not finding
never a solution for the same. Accepting that we are not the right person is
a simple and quick possibility but in reality it does not solve anything but rather
it helps keep things the way they are. On the other hand, hire
this form of negative self-criticism does not allow us to change and learn
from mistakes. It is a kind of pessimistic belief that states: “I am
bad and inadequate and I can do nothing to change ". Obviously, in one
couple relationship assuming this attitude can cause severe injury,
since it assumes that the other person will be the one who will have to take charge of
all the work to adapt to our peculiarities. Finally, this kind of
self-criticism also causes a very low level of self-esteem, since you don't
it refers to a specific task but to us as a person, who we do not consider ourselves
adequate for anything. There is a subtle but fundamental difference between
recognize that we are unable to play football or do manual labor e
to affirm that “we are not capable of doing anything”. In the first case we are
recognizing a weakness that can be overcome, in the second, we assume a
negative attitude in which we consider ourselves as people who do not deserve
the esteem of others. What
Do?

The first step is to take
awareness of the moments in which these thoughts assault us and analyze
what is the situation that generated them. Then we'll have to reschedule the
our speech stating: “we must try harder to improve in this
aspect of our life ". A few small steps there
they can help: - Listen to what the
others have to say about us. Normally we would be surprised if we listened
really the opinions of the people who love us and know us well. - Cool down the emotions e
share what we feel with the people closest to us so as to do in
so that they can understand us and help us change. - Join the
conversations and offer our opinion. Our point of view is important
and sometimes it can make a difference.
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