The main problem with romantic love is the division of gender roles, which turns the man into an actor and the woman into a reward.
Last update: Augusts 04, 2020
Romantic love is one of the great lies of humanity. It arises as a consequence of the exaggeration of the concept of couple and the idealization of the loved one that leads us not to see the defects. We are introduced to romantic love since childhood: in almost all cartoons one of the goals that pushes the protagonist to overcome adversity is almost always the promise of pure and immaculate love.
The main problem with romantic love is there division of gender roles, which transforms the man into an actor and the woman into a reward. Even if we don't realize it, this pattern is repeated in many stories, films, series and other audiovisual products that we know and consume regularly.
Myths about romantic love
The following myths about romantic love are present in our everyday life and affect our relationships, creating unreal and harmful expectations.
1. The other half of the apple
In all the princess movies they make us believe that there is only one person for us. The idea is projected that each of us is destined to find the one or the one who will make us fall in love from the beginning, and then perfectly match our personality and our desires. They teach us, therefore, that love must be ideal and exclusive, without having had previous experiences.
Experts reveal, however, that love is a gradual experience. Having lived through different relationships in many cases helps to understand what we want and what we don't. It also gives us the opportunity to understand what aspects we are capable of negotiating and the correct way of dealing with the other person. This does not mean that you need to have many partners, it is simply not a bad thing to have more than one in your life.
2. The omnipotence of love
Most of the stories, films and other audiovisual products refer to the omnipotence of love. Love can overcome any obstacle, giving us infinite strength and endurance. The problem is that many people cling to this idea at all costs, carrying on the relationship even when their dignity is trampled on.
Love is not omnipotent. The couple is a social construction that we can put an end to if it goes against our professional, family or individual life. Not all people are prepared to have a lasting relationship, nor do they all want or are ready to have just one type of relationship.
There are couples who live together, others who prefer to live in different houses while maintaining their own spaces. Some choose to try to overcome a certain obstacle, others decide to separate. The only sure thing is that each choice is in itself respectable as long as both members of the couple manage to preserve their happiness.
3. Opposite poles attract
Here is one of the most dangerous myths about romantic love, like when we say "he who despises buys". It can have two connotations, on the one hand it alludes directly to the omnipotence of love and the soul mate, on the other it refers to the need to change for love. In the first case, we accept the differences of the other person thinking that love will be enough to overcome every obstacle.
In reality, partners with very different views will face constant disagreements, discussions and confrontations. Even if criticism and debate in a couple are healthy, constant quarrels undermine the feeling of unity and compatibility.
The second connotation is one of the most used in literature, cinema and television. We all know stories where a person (usually a woman) finds a partner who is apparently not for her. But here, instead of looking for someone more compatible, she uses all her efforts to change the object of her desire and allow a relationship to arise.
The truth is that people don't change easily. We must learn to love the present person, not the one we project into the future, and start a relationship together.
Compatibility, tolerance and respect, along with a healthy attraction, create a strong and lasting love (if that's what we want). Wanting to embody the seemingly perfect model of unfamiliar couples creates unreal expectations that will ultimately disappoint us.