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    Relationship with a narcissist: duration, typical stages and how to get out of them

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    Joe Dispenza

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    You can't sleep at night because the person you like is a narcissist, and you're wondering: "Is a relationship with a narcissist possible?" Do you want more information on the famous three stages of a relationship with a narcissist? Stop pining, you are in the right place!

    Within this article we will analyze whether it is possible to build a relationship with a narcissist and, if so, what the conditions should be. We will also not overlook the possibility of ending such a relationship and we will see the steps to be taken in this direction.

    But before we get to this point let's deepen the characteristics and the typical stages of a relationship with a narcissist, in this way you will be able to make a complete diagnosis of your relationship and be able to understand if you are actually the victim of a narcissist or if you are only dealing with an ordinary egoist.

    Now we are almost ready to start this analysis, I suggest you, however, take a moment to fill out the test you find below. It's free and will keep you busy for less than two minutes; its result will help you understand your situation better and you will have more elements at your disposal to manage your relationship in the best possible way.

    Relationship with a narcissist: characteristics

    It is very rare that a relationship with a narcissist has the traits of a healthy relationship, this in fact usually is based on different forms of manipulation, primarily emotional, but also sexual and economic.

    The narcissist has very specific character traits: self-love and hypersensitivity, but also the constant search for new stimuli, and above all the lack of empathy. Furthermore, his behavior in a relationship is always dictated by specific reasons.

    In fact, relationships for a narcissist are nothing more than a means to be able to show and demonstrate his alleged enormous abilities. And it is for this reason that when the narcissist approaches a new "prey" he is so full of enthusiasm, enthusiasm that is mistaken for sentiment, which allows the narcissist to take control over a person in a very short time.

    Below, explained in detail, you will find the four main characteristics of a relationship with a narcissist, which determine the functioning and the relationship with this type of person.

    Intermittent love

    As you may have guessed by now, the narcissist will catapult you in a swing of love / not love, in which depending on the case you will be covered with attention or left alone in total indifference, going from being the love of his life to being a person who deserves only contempt.

    This kind of intermittent love is cyclical, but the trick is not letting your partner know when they'll jump from one phase to the next. For this reason, whoever is in a relationship with a narcissist instinctively gets used to this "swing" in a short time, and associates this absurd state of affairs with normality.

    Furthermore, this behavior is often accompanied by the system known as that of punishments and rewards: the narcissist loves being the proponent of the partner's mood and in this way he is able to exercise almost absolute control over her. On the other hand, the victim convinces himself that the love he receives must be "deserved" and that his wrong actions are grounds for a just punishment.

    Affective dependence

    Affective addiction is another important hallmark of a relationship with a narcissist and all toxic relationships in general. The narcissist wishes to be the center of the world and consequently he works for his victim to consider him as such.

    The victim will begin to identify love for the narcissist as the only meaning in their life, first becoming emotionally dependent and consequently fearing abandonment and loneliness. This state of affairs it allows the narcissist to shape his partner to her moods, and she will adapt without problems even thinking of laying the foundations for a happy relationship.

    From here on, the narcissist will begin to increase this state of dependence more and more, until it reaches the point that the predestined victim will no longer offer any resistance due to the terror of abandonment, and even with the awareness of being unhappy he will never do anything to change the state of things.

    High probability of betrayal

    The narcissist by nature is very prone to betrayal. The person who is close to him bores him in a short time and therefore goes in search of new stimuli. And even if he is involved in a "serious" relationship, he will have a tendency to indulge in escapades, often without any emotional involvement, as he is not interested in bonding emotionally to another person.

    In fact, for the narcissist, cheating or flirting outside of a relationship is just another fuel for their self-esteem. The narcissist treats other people as objects for his pleasure and the emotional involvement does not matter, in fact it is not uncommon to see him engaged in several relationships at the same time, just to give maximum pleasure to his ego.

    The narcissist has no one who is irreplaceable, in fact when one of his prey stops satisfying self-centered needs, tends to replace it immediately, without any remorse, with another partner who will train you to be a more efficient victim.


    Manipulation is one of the characteristics that most distinguishes the modus operandi of a narcissist. Through this type of action the narcissist is able to unleash in his partner the emotional states that are most useful to him, induce her to perform certain actions and finally to have a very precise idea of ​​herself and others.

    Through manipulation, the narcissist is able to change reality in the eyes of his partner, obviously to his advantage. A narcissistic person is used to emotional blackmail, threats of more or less violent abandonment, which will undermine the mental stability of the partner, who will be struck by guilt. While the narcissist will make all of this appear natural and not organized at all.

    To achieve this, the narcissist is used to juggling different behaviors. Going to alternate coldness with kindness, aggression with resentment. Making sure to manage the economic independence of the partner by controlling and "judging" her earnings and expenses, and finally take full control of the physical proximity, deciding in the best way for her own advantage, forced contacts and periods of distance.

    The three stages of a relationship with a narcissist

    A relationship of this type is more often than not structured in a very specific way. Like a spider luring an insect into its trap, the narcissist takes very specific steps to achieve its purpose.

    The three phases of a relationship with a narcissist can be defined in this way: an initial approach of the narcissist who fills his prey with attention, sometimes even disproportionate, and once his web has been spun, he moves on to phase two, where he the mask but prevents the victim from escaping until the inevitable conclusion where he leaves his partner once he has received everything he needed ... To then start over when he feels like it again.

    Love bombing

    By love bombing we mean a type of close courtship, in which the narcissist aims to capture all your attention through cute and loving gestures, worthy of a true man in love, but which have the purpose of hide its true nature and to get away from everything you are attached to in your life.

    In this phase he will never show what he hides inside his person (memories, emotions, fears or hopes), but he will use every opportunity to make you feel important, with exceptional gifts and attention and gestures, giving the impression of being the famous prince. light blue.

    But in reality, the narcissist has no interest in you, as in his mind he loves to create a false image not only of himself but also of the person he has his eyes on.

    While it may seem crazy for love, his state of mind is as far as one can imagine from such a noble feeling, as everything he does is aimed at satisfying his ego.

    Read also: Does the narcissus fall in love? All about the narcissistic man in love

    Behavior evolution

    Once the narcissist is certain that his web is solid and that you are in it well, he will begin to show his true face. This is the time when the narcissist realizes that you are willing to sacrifice your happiness and dignity for your relationship. From this moment on, mental manipulations, betrayals and blackmail begin, as well as the offenses and the triggering of feelings of guilt that have no reason to exist.

    A little 'to vote will take more and more power over your person. He will alternate his true face with proofs of love. It will instill in you the concept that his love is something you must deserve based on your behaviors. In some cases he will try to make you dependent on him either financially by managing your expenses, or sexually, by being cold and refusing to have sex with you, undermining your self-esteem.

    Breakups and returns

    This last stage is as simple as it is terrifying: the narcissist is interested in his victim until this person satisfies his needs, after which he abandons her, only to return only to make sure his prey is always available.

    This behavior is due to his deep need to always be in control and to feel his influence on other people. The narcissist usually withdraws as it tedious him to deal with issues related to life as a couple, or if he discovers that there is a new victim more suited to his needs.

    But after a while, when his new victim's attentions start to lose their appeal or when problems arise, the narcissist will "move on" to the next victim or come back to you, especially. if he realizes you're doing too well without him.

    This alternation of conquests and abandonments are almost an addiction for a narcissistic person, up to the point of being able to keep several relationships "under control" at the same time without apparent difficulties.

    Read also: If he disappears and then comes back

    Is a relationship with a narcissist possible?

    More than the one above, the real question should be: Is a healthy relationship with a narcissist possible? At this point it's always best to be objective, so know that anyone who starts a relationship with someone with a personality disorder will never have an easy relationship.

    However, it must be said that some men have only narcissistic personality traits, and that they do not fall within the definition of a pathological narcissist. In this case, it is absolutely possible to establish a healthy relationship, albeit with due care.

    However, if you realize that you are dealing with a pathological narcissist, who exhibits all the characteristics listed above, and that you have become the new victim of his or her web, we certainly cannot speak of a healthy relationship.

    The only way to establish a relationship with a narcissist that is worthy of being called such, healthy and that does not form any form of addiction, is that this relationship meets two conditions: first of all you must learn to protect you psychologically and to set boundaries beyond which your partner should have no power.

    Secondly, you will have to have the courage to recognize that the narcissist is a real personality disorder that requires the help and intervention of a specialist and that this disorder will not go away in no time.

    Read also: How to treat a narcissist: 5 tips to get respected

    How long does a relationship with a narcissist last?

    At this point it is questionable how long a relationship with a narcissist can last. A comprehensive answer to this question is linked to several factors. First, and most importantly, you need to know your personality. If you have a strong character you will hardly fall into the trap of a narcissist, and even if you get flattered by the benefits of Love Bombing, you will leave it alone when it starts showing its true face.

    In the event that you fall into his web of perverse games, the entire course is usually completed in four weeks, in fact it can be said that the manipulation process needs at least a month to be considered concluded.

    Once this process has come to an end, the duration of the relationship, in the vast majority of cases, it depends on the will of the narcissist, as he will choose if it is when to share his time with you, and should he find a new more palatable prey he will not hesitate to leave you.

    But even in this case the relationship cannot be defined as closed, as the narcissist is subject to "backfires", through which, he returns to you to continue to mark the territory. In this way, even if with interruptions, your relationship with the narcissist can also last for some time, sometimes for years.

    This happens especially when the narcissist sees that once you are "free" again, you have regained your life, perhaps with success, and this eventuality undermines his self-love, as there is no worse thing for a narcissist than seeing one of his prey succeeding without him.

    Finally, there is the case of someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist, but in full awareness. In this case, the times are due both to the love one feels towards the narcissist, and to the will to want to heal the narcissist himself, since, I repeat, his is a real personality disorder that requires help. and the intervention of a specialist.

    Read also: Narcissistic Husband

    How to end a relationship with a narcissist?

    As I wrote above, the end of a relationship with a narcissist, most of the time it depends on the narcissist himself, as he has a habit of periodically cutting off his relationships. If this has already happened and you want to permanently close this painful chapter, you will have to make sure that he does not retrace his steps.

    If, on the other hand, you want to be the one who makes the decision to end this story, you will have to take into account the fact that you will first encounter declarations of love, flattery and promises of improvement and then move on to threats, blackmail and intentions of revenge.

    Either way you will find yourself under the siege of a storm of emotions and you will have to keep your nerve and possess great willpower. It would also be very important for you to be able to benefit from external help and support. But what will give you the boost will be to become aware that the relationship you are experiencing is sick and that it can cause you a lot of pain and sorrow, and that the only way to save yourself is to close it as soon as possible.

    If you are able to pursue this goal consistently, you will be able to carry this story to an end and be able to return as free as it once was, devoid of a toxic relationship that can only hurt you.

    The article ends here, I thank you for following me up to this point and I hope that my advice has been useful to you in improving your relationship with a narcissist. In any case, remember to always be yourself and to love yourself, because no matter what they want you to believe, you are important and no one has the right to take away your happiness.

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