Refusal: learning to accept it and overcome it

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Joe Dispenza

Refusal: learning to accept it and overcome it

Last update: June 09, 2015

Life can leave us many teachings, but sometimes it also causes us pain. Rejection is considered to be one of the greatest emotional damages a person can suffer and it is one of the traumas that has the greatest negative consequences when we suffer from it in childhood.

An example is the case of children who, for various reasons, have to live with the experience of a father or mother who abandons them and who, at a certain point in their life, rejects them. These children can grow up to be successful, bright and loved people, but they will often struggle to reach emotional maturity. They will always feel insecure when they have to create interpersonal relationships, because distrust and fear will affect many of their actions. How to deal with this fear of rejection?

Nor should we forget the emotional pain we have to deal with when we are rejected by a person we like. It is clear that not everything in life can go our way, but there are people who find it harder than others to accept rejection. When they hear "no" or, even worse, when they do them a wrong they cannot forget, time seems to stand still.

Build a protective wall

We must have this very clear in mind: one thing is what others think of us and another, very different, is who we really are. We can suffer from rejection in some areas of our life: at work, in love, etc. But the refusal is not a demonstration of our limitations. We must not believe that what has happened to us shows that we deserve to be alone, that we are people with little resources, unattractive or the like. This is absolutely wrong.

It is not the same as saying "I lost" and "I am a loser". We must avoid giving ourselves negative labels. We have to protect ourselves. Undoubtedly, life will give us many other possibilities and opportunities for success, opportunities to be happier.

Rejection as a moment of crisis to be overcome

We have every right to experience the moment of rejection as a moment of personal crisis. Being rejected or abandoned by the partner will cause us to go through a period of emotional "mourning". Likewise, being fired from work or being estranged from a friend or family member is a time of pain that, as such, we must go through. It must be recognized for what it is: a loss, an instant of suffering. But this suffering must be momentary and fleeting. A short period that allows us to consider what happened, think about it and learn from our mistakes.

Every experience must leave us a lesson, even if it is true that sometimes it is difficult to find a reason. We've been rejected by someone, and there aren't many ways to soften the situation. But what we must avoid doing is blame ourselves: “He turned me down because I'm not handsome, nice, brilliant, interesting enough, etc.”. This is a mistake that can do you a lot of harm. Instead, what you need to do is draw a conclusion from the experience: "I have to try to be interested in less proud, simpler and more humble people"; “I have to look for a job where they recognize my skills and my merits”.

It is therefore acceptable to experience the pain of rejection for a limited time, which allows us to carry out an introspective analysis from which we can emerge strengthened and with our heads held high, to begin to walk through life with optimism.

Avoid internalizing or personalizing

We don't have to run away from what we feel, but to shape our emotions and be able to describe them. Talk about them: it is necessary if you want to be able to let them go. We have been rejected, we know. But don't let that defeat become a wound that prevents you from breathing and moving forward.

That person who, at one point in your life, said no to you, simply represents the past. You have every right, and duty, to move forward full of new strength, new projects and new hopes. We must not become victims of those who have hurt us, whether they did it on purpose or not. We must be heroes of ourselves, people capable of learning from their own suffering, capable of transforming pain into a guide, a teaching, a way of looking at the horizon and finding hope.

Don't let the emotional pain caused by rejection leave you hanging in a moment in the past. Life goes on and we have to do the same. Happiness could envelop us again at the most unexpected moment.

Image courtesy of K. Melrose.

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